What does marriage mean to you?

Kazz81

Ok, firstly I know exactly what it means to me

I have been following another thread where the OP is married and wants to reconnect with a fling from uni (who is also married) for 'closure'. I am shocked by her actions, seriously. She seems able to justify it all and not one bit converned about her husband or how he may feel if he finds out.

I would be absolutely torn apart if my H2B got in touch with an old fling, then planned secret meetings behind my back and who knows what else. And I would never do that to him either.

I understand drifting apart, I understand falling out of love, I understand 'irreconcilable differences' but I dont understand the mentality of the OP, I have never understood affairs and I have never understood why people would chase them. Surely if your marriage isnt delivering what you want you should sort it out one way or another without involving other parties. What is the point in taking marriage vows if you are going to disregard them over an old flame??

PLEASE tell me I am not the only one who feels like this!!

bubbles0169

no thats disgusting behaviour,i dont even accept that in a commited relationship never mind marriage
its about love, trust and respecting one another
being there for each other through the good but importantly the bad times!
supporting each other
being one anothers best friends
being able to tell each other anything and everything with out fear of rejection
and squillions more reasons!

sammy_wheeler

that it is horrid. she doesn't care baout her hubbys feelings at all.
i would never do this
like bubbles said- its about love, commitment, sharing lives, sharing everything, respect.
my hubby2 be is my best friend and i know he loves me and i love him. neither of us would do anything to ruin that

i don't understand people that hurt thier partners/wifes/husband, etc. i can't understand cheats and you cant justify it

missknixon

I can't understand it! My h2b is more than enough for me! But on a serious note marriage to me means growing old and settling down with the man I love. It also means agreeing to disagree but it also means someone being there for me whenever I need them!

Kazz81

Glad its not just me then!

Cant get my head round why someone would throw it all away, while dragging someone else into it as well as their scapegoat. If you want out of your marriage fine, just dont see why there should be other parties involved, and other relationships ruined as a result of it.

Sammy85_2

Thats unbelievable behaviour. I can understand (but dont condone) how in the heat of a moment someone might stray, but to go out and plan it, thats a whole different kettle of fish.

What does marriage mean to me? Its about promising that you'll be there for each other, whatever life throws at you, forever. Its making those vows infront of the people you care about most and in my case, infront of god. Ok, so there are other little benefits to getting married, like the legal recognition, getting to change my name and of course, the knees up afterwards, but in all that fuss its important not to lose sight of the meaning.

talulahbeige_2

I certainly don't agree with what the person on the other thread is doing however most people on this board are "loved up about to be marrieds" and will be of a certain opinion

Marriage 10 years + down the line can be a different kettle of fish. I got the impression from the original post on the other board that she wasn't happy in her marriage and immature people often look for an easy option to boost their confidence or fulfill their needs when it isn't happening at home. Doesnt mean she is right for doing what she is doing tho!

minerva_windsong

Definitely not just you.

To me, marriage is about expressing your love and commitment to another person and wanting to share the rest of your life with them, and being there fore each other no matter what happens, enjoying the good times together and supporting each other through the bad times. You don't need a big day and a fancy party*, you just need to know that the person you're marrying is going to stick with you through thick and thin and knowing that they love you and care about you for the person you are.

* If you are having a big day and a fancy party because it's what you want then fair play to you, I'm just making the point that marriage isn't about how expensive your wedding is and whether you have this, that and the other.

clearing_out_my_pockets

As someone who posted on the other thread and also posts on these boards, I ought to 'out' myself now.

I am engaged to my first love (J). We split up at 18 and stayed friends. I met someone else (M), but continued to meet up with J (as friends) with the full knowledge of M, in fact he often came out with us. I cut off contact with J as I realised I still had feelings for him and didn't trust myself to be around him. Nothing happened between J & I until six months after M & I split up. We also didn't split up because of him.

Now that I've got that out of the way... I believe that marriage is about trust and being open & honest. I didn't hide anything from my ex because there was nothing to hide. I respected him enough to tell him the truth.

sunshine_shell

Marriage for mean growing old and raising babies with the man i have loved since i was 17!!

Dinah93

Work on your marriage or leave it. Don't mess about with it. Yes people on this board might be all loved up and happy, but most people know at least one couple happily together 25+ years. Personally I only actually know one divorced couple, yet most marriages go through rough spots. The ones that work are the couples that pull together rather than pushing apart.

A lot of you might recognise this verse, even be using it for your own wedding:

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]The Art Of A Good Marriage
[/FONT][FONT=Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1]Wilferd Arlan Peterson

[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1]Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1]But to me that just about sums it up.
[/SIZE][/FONT]