Why Can't People Stay Friends?

Lucywu2012

I got to know the other three girls fairly well. Occasionally we spent time socializing. We weren't "best friends" but I figured we were close enough to "stay" friends. Then I get laid off. Since then we've had one social outing which was about two/three months ago. Recently I tried to do another one and I got the cold shoulder. They all sounded like they were going to come and then started coming up with lame excuses last minute. Now when I call them, no one calls me back. What happened? Just because we no longer work together, why can't we enjoy each other's company? I suddenly feel like that "annoying girl" whom no one wants to associate with. It shouldn't bother me but it does. It hurts pretty bad. I really liked these people. I've always been nice to them. I'm always real with people. I don't like beating around the bush or playing games. I really cannot see what went wrong here and it hurts that they won't even talk to me. I don't even know why I care...now with my newer job I have some "friends" but I feel hurt from this past experience. It's effecting my view of new people I meet.

brownhandbag

Lucy,

I so know exactly what you mean! It happens to all of us but the trick is not to take it to heart. That is really hard, as I have had many sleepless nights wondering what I have done wrong. This is easy to say but hard to do....... it's their loss always. You will make good friends and just have to keep trying with new people. So many people are only nice because they are after something but I think this selfishness will ultimately leave them old and lonely. You really do reap what you sow with friendships. I don't know how old you are, but the older you are the easier it gets to see through these fakes. Hang in there, you sound lovely to me

katholicos

Lucy it seems that they were fairweather friends. I've had an alarming amount of those myself. They are the friends who only want to be around you when you're doing well in life or when you have a career, status, money etc. I know it hurts, but to be honest, they really aren't true friends if they treat you like this. Could you perhaps get involved in activities in your area or take a free college course or get involved in what is going on in your local community. Being around like minded people is a good starting point for making new friendships. (((hugs)))

buddys_mum

What has this got to do with gardening?

katholicos

buddys_mum wrote: »

What has this got to do with gardening?

Nothing at all perhaps, but i'm sure it will be placed in an appropriate forum by the board guides at some point, so while it is here we can respond with compassion, can we not?

Kay_Peel

It's a hard fact of life, I'm afraid.

The only thing that brought you together in the first place was your work. Once the common interest goes then the bond is broken.

Throughout the course of my working life I have had intense friendships with work colleagues. When one or other of us have moved on I've always been sad to think that, despite all the promises to get together, our friendship will never be the same again. Even when we meet up there's something missing.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of true, lasting friendships that have come out of working together.

I remember that I and another colleague left our workplace on the same day. She retired and I moved offices. She kept ringing me up asking me what we were doing for xxx's birthday and was I going to their Xmas do and so on. I had a new life, new colleagues and new frienships and didn't feel inclined to go back to a place where we only had the past in common. Harsh but true.

If your former colleagues think about you and invite you out - then consider it a bonus but not the be-all and end-all. Move forward. Don't hang on and don't look back. It's the way with workplace friendships, in my experience.

davemorton

buddys_mum wrote: »

What has this got to do with gardening?

brownhandbag wrote: »

Lucy,

You really do reap what you sow with friendships.

There you go!! :beer:

cjb02

I suppose it is over the garden hedge garden banter. but to remark on the original post., that's life. people move on and drift apart, when ever I move jobs I never seem to stay in contact with colleagues despite having some great times. I just reflect on the fact that they were good times whilst they were happening but now I have opportunities to meet more great people if only for a while and have some more great times. It doesnt bother me. There is lots of love to spread and seize the moment.

Gina_of_course!

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.



Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.



Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.



LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.



Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime. Aleksandra Lachut