Accepting Help From Family?

dizzyblonde82

Hi,

i am really working hard to clear my debts but every time I seem to get my act together something happens to throw it all off plan!

We recently came back of holiday to find out that my husbands boss had gone bankrupt whilst we were away and my husband had to find another job quickly, he did but the pay isn't any where near what he was on

I am really close to my nan and today she said that I looked really tired and was I okay - I just burst into tears and told her about some of my debts and that we had been coping okay up to my husbands change of job and that I was worried about the £530 nursery fees for my son's final month at nursery before starting school (no free grant for August).

My nan has offered to clear a loan I have which stands at £3600, if I accept the help I know that she will never let me pay her back - I know this from past experience when she helped cover some of our moving costs when having to move house due to knee surgery and no longer being able to climb stairs.

I really don't know if I should let her help us out or not, I know she is in a position to help and that it will make her happy by knowing I am able to cope financially but I am also aware that the debts are mine and that I should pay them back!

justjohn

take it....she probably does not need it...but can you use it wisely?....And as she intends you too ?

If you are just going to pay a loan too run up another then do not take it.

thats my view...

Butti

Hi
Never mind what anyone else thinks, focus on you and your nan. It will make her happy to give you the money? How will it make you feel? Is there anything you can do to pay her back in a 'non-monetary' way.

Provided you can live with this and it sits okay with you, AND provided you have changed your ways and understand what got you in debt in the first place (which from your signature appears to be the case) I think I would accept.

I have a sort of reverse situation. I am rapidly depleting my savings and have no job. I start studying in September. I get a lot of criticism from my dad about not asking for help. So at a family gathering last week I expressed concerns about what happens if I can't let my house given my level of savings. I was fishing for an offer of potential support if everything goes belly up. What I got was a lecture on what a bad idea it is to run down your savings.

B

whitewing

For now why don't you just gratefully let her cover the last month's nursey fees. That would give her a lot of pleasure, and not be so much of her money.

Then the pressure will be off for a bit and you can discuss with OH about any larger offers. (OH may not want help).

dizzyblonde82

Thank you for the replies

I ran up the debts over number of years as I have had long periods without employment due to undergoing 5 major knee operations but still bought things on credit cards without really thinking about it.

I have worked hard over the last 3 years building a career and studying whilst working - I am going to Uni in September but will still be working 34 hours a week.

There is no way I will get myself in this mess again and with my nan's help I should be debt free in 12 - 15 months, then I can start a savings fund for all those unexpected bills!

It is my birthday soon and my family are chipping in to buy me 2 front tyres, lol! I can't wait until I can afford my own tyres and then people can get me more exciting presents!

dizzyblonde82

whitewing wrote: »

Then the pressure will be off for a bit and you can discuss with OH about any larger offers. (OH may not want help).

My OH is very good and puts all his wages into my bank towards the bills except the £100 a month he has for his essentials and petrol.

whitewing

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

My OH is very good and puts all his wages into my bank towards the bills except the £100 a month he has for his essentials and petrol.

I meant OH may not want help from your nan. He may feel that you as a family unit should be able to manage this together without extended family help.

Sounds like a great OH.

dizzyblonde82

My OH is okay with my nan helping out as he is grateful, sometimes he gets down as his family aren't in a position to help and some of the debts are from him being out of work - he never tells his family when he is out of work as he feels ashamed

dancingfairy

I don't know your nan but perhaps if she were to die she would want you to have some money and that she feels that you need it now and she can see you will put it to good use?
Good Luck with whatever you decide - what a lovely offer.
df

dancingfairy

Another thought - has your OH put in a claim to the Official receiver regarding any wages he was owed? he may get a very small share of any money available? I believe if you earn more than what you need to live on you have to make payments into your bankruptcy - I'm not sure if this goes to cover some of the costs of bankruptcy or if it goes to the creditors? - might be worth looking into?
df

dizzyblonde82

dancingfairy wrote: »

Another thought - has your OH put in a claim to the Official receiver regarding any wages he was owed? he may get a very small share of any money available? I believe if you earn more than what you need to live on you have to make payments into your bankruptcy - I'm not sure if this goes to cover some of the costs of bankruptcy or if it goes to the creditors? - might be worth looking into?
df

We did get the wages he was owed, the problem now is that his new job is a much lower salary

My nan's side of the family seem to live a long time, her mother and grandmother we both 98 when they passed away so I guess she offered as she thinks we need the help to get sorted now rather than in another 20 or so years.