Confession.. pilot debt

divorcingjack

Hello all you lovely DFW's.

I have been a lurker on this board for ages, and have been so impressed at your seemingly endless support, advice and encouragement for everyone. As you can see from my sig, I have just handed in my dissertation for my postgraduate course and now is the time to sort out my debt. I am so lucky in that my debt is to my mum and dad and they insist that they don't want it back, but the guilt makes me sick every time I think about it.

Here's the story. Ever since I was about 5 years old, I wanted to be a commercial pilot. My parents did nothing but support me, and after my degree I started training. I got my private licence and then went overseas to start the commercial section. Flight training is VERY VERY VERY expensive, and I soon ran out of money. Mum and dad knew that it was my whole life to do this, so they leant me the money.It's a long story, but I ended up failing my medical about a year and a half ago, which means I can't ever fly commercially.

I feel sick just thinking about this. Despite the fact it was ages ago, I still can't look at aircraft without crying - not being able to have my dream still hurts so much. To make it worse, my OH's brother is a pilot and I have to hear about it all the time. I was very depressed, but am starting to get better now and want to repay my mum and dad the money that basically went down the toilet.

I don't really know why I posted this, but it feels like I have to face it, because it will always be there. I think if I can pay the debt back, perhaps I will be able to move on properly and conquer my depression. It's sick really, because I wasn't even that good a pilot. Stupid eh.

I need to give myself a good kick up the a*se and get this sorted. Mum refuses to tell me how much I owe them, but I'm sure it is at least £8000, probably more. I'll start with £8K and see how it goes.

Sorry for the wallowing in self pity style of post!

dj

lynzpower

Welcome DJ

I know how hard it is to pay parents back, mine sound similar to yours!
Wont accept it.

Anyway, all the best with it, and if you want any help with your SOA you know what to do

CFC

Well done on handing in your dissertation! :-)

I am so, so sorry to hear that you were forced to give up your dream. Please don't think of it as money that went down the toilet. You might find in the future that it wasn't wasted, in the weird way that life occasionally works.

Listen - don't pin down your mum and dad on how much you owe them.

They're your mum and dad, they're broken hearted that you couldn't do the thing you always wanted to do. To be honest, I don't think that they want you to pay them back. It would make them feel worse. It's hard to explain, as you're probably too young to have kids yourself.

When your kid's health is at fault, as a parent you feel guilty. You feel that you passed on inferior genetic goods and now they're suffering. Or you didn't look after them in the way you should have, or you should have forced a second opinion, or you should have *known* something was wrong, yadda yadda yadda. Right now,knowing that at least you haven't financially lost out is probably their only little comfort. Don't try to take it away from them. Remember that this is their tragedy as well as yours.

Focus on your future career, and find something that you enjoy, no matter how long it takes. When you're settled and happy, they might be willing for you to pay them back. Leave any thoughts of it until then. When they're willing, they'll also be willing to discuss amounts, so you'll be able to tell if they're ready. Tell them that you're grateful for what they did, you don't want to talk about it now, but you will at some point in the future when life is good all round.

Best of luck dear heart for the future.

xx

needaspirin

Your Mum and dad helped you because they love you. £8k is a lot of money, but NOTHING compared to the love of a son or daughter. They did this to help you and I'm sure that your happiness is paramount to them. Let them know that you love them too.

needaspirin

P.S.

because I wasn't even that good a pilot

I thought a good pilot was one who walked away from the landing. ...Cheer Up!

seven-day-weekend

I'm so sorry you don't have your dream. What a shame.

Your parents love you and only want you to be happy. I think all three of you should sit down and talk about this money and if their way of trying to bring your happiness back is not to have the money back, then that's it. It's unconditional love in action.

I would hate to think that my son was crucifying himself over something that I could help him with, it would tear me apart to think that he was suffering over something I didn't even realise. Parents are like that, if their child is hurting they would rather bear the pain themselves if that means they can take it away from their children.

Also have a talk with your parents about the fact that you're feeling bad about yourself. You may be suffering from depression. If you are, go and see the Doc, but talk to your parents about it so they can help you through it.

lavidaloca

Sorry about your dream I know you don't think this but you'll find something else. Why don't you start saving and then treat them to the kind of holiday they maybe wouldn't book for themselves.

Janey51

Hi DJ. If I was your Mum I'd be so proud to have a son who is obviously a very honourable person.

divorcingjack

Oh my god, you are all so lovely ! :A

I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out that you all care! Thanks so much. I was feeling a bit down yesterday, but had my first day of a new job today, which pays reasonably well, so I am going to start putting some money aside in an ISA, as mum and dad won't have it back.

Thank you for all of your posts, I can't write down how much it helped me to read them.

CFC - I hadn't thought about it like that, so I will still put the money away, but not force it on them. You are right, I don't have children so thank you so much for your perspective.

needasprin - I did walk away from all my landings, so can't have been that bad! Thanks for that!

seven-day-weekend - you are totally right, that is what my mum says all the time! Maybe I should start listening eh? I did suffer from severe depression, and have had cognitive behavioural therapy for it which helped a lot, but I still have bad days. Yesterday was one.

lavidaloca - A holiday is a fab idea, and that is what I'm going to do. Thank you for the suggestion. I am working on finding another path, and although I'm not there yet, I am much more hopeful than I was.

janey51 - mum tells me she is proud of her daughter (!!) every day. Thanks though ... gave me a laugh!

Thanks again to all of you who replied and I will be keeping an update on the savings (I'm still going to count it as a debt though, because it still feels like one).

dj

Anastacia

My mum lent me some money a few years ago, just a few hundred but i really was hard up so very useful, and when i tried to pay her back she told me to hang onto it until she is old (77 now) because she might need it then ! I know she is only messing but she really doesnt want it back and to be honest i dont want back what i have 'invested' in my kids. I dont let them be extravagent or anything but if pay for a course or something similar then it is part of my bringing them up, not something to worry about. If i was destitute i hope they would notice & feed me though!

cryptokit

I assume from what you said at the top that although you have failed a commercial medical, you still hold your PPL?

If you still hold that - and even if you don't there are still a hell of a lot of options! Why not start looking into aviation safety, or communications? Hell - you might get a job that involves everything around and in aircraft bar being the one who had to sign for it!

I love flight too - I would dearly love a PPL so I could borrow a plane every now and again and just enjoy it! I can't ever see me having money for it though. Doesn't stop me enjoying any chance I get to head skywards though

If your Mum and Dad won't take the money - why not save it? Stick aside what you would have had to, get a serious lump together and buy a part share in your own plane?

Don't ever give up the dream of flight. It remains, in my view, the most beautiful achievement of man.