D-Day Looming

tycooncico

Hi all,

Its not normal for me to be sitting on here on a saturday night but its desperate measures!

I have a BIG problem...

I have £5700 worth of credit cards which are nearly maxed. I have been paying the minimum payment (around £140 p/m)on these for a while now, and have been getting stung with approx £80 p/m in interest.

I'm 23, living with parents, graduated from 4 years in university last year and now working full-time earning £15,000 per year.

Last week my parents found out about my credit card debts. I thought they'd hit the roof, but instead it was just dissapointment, dissapointment at me being in debt but more so for not telling them about it and for not asking for help. My mum even broke down to tears, which made me feel horribly guilty. I comforted her by telling her i was making payments, but they dont no the whole truth...

Before I started uni 5 years ago, it was a mutual agreement between me and my parents that i'd take a student loan, to be placed into a high interest account to build up. I swore i wouldnt spend it, and in return my parents paid for my tuition fees, books etc etc. However, being a naive student, i spent the lot, approx £11k!!! I've never once dared tell them about it, as i know it'd kill them to find out i'd broken their/our trust.

However tomorrow is my D-Day! My dad desperatley wants to get me out of the debt, and his suggestion is to use my non-existant student loan. I've suggested him helping me by taking a CC out in his name with a 0% Balance Transfer and transferring my CC debts onto it. He has agreed that could be an option (if i can transfer balances between accounts in differnet names????) but he wants a reason to why i dont simply use my loan where there is no commitment to make payments each month.

I dont know what to do or say? Do i come clean? Do i make an excuse? Do i carry on the lie? He told me today he'd be "more than dissapointed" if i had of spent it, but again a told a bare-face lie and said i hadnt spent it. I've been stressing all evening, to a point where my eyes are filling with tears.£6000 ddebt was hard for them to take? What will happen if they found out it was actually more like £17,000???

I'm desperate for opinions, i dont want this night to ever end.

Kind Regards,

Lee

Molanole

Hi Lee - Welcome to MSE and the DFW board.

I think the only option is to come clean to your parents but especially if your Dad is going to be taking on your debts in his name with a 0% card, it's only fair to them. BUT, do speak to them prepared with an action plan as to how you are going to sort it out. They will be upset, disappointed and maybe even angry but £17K debt is fairly standard for most graduates these days. It's just how you are going to sort yourself out that is to be spelt out.

Why not pop up an SOA so that we can find ways of helping you to cut back where possible? Take a look at Southern Scousers sticky for first time posters which will talk you through how to put an SOA together. Once the nerds on here have been able to advice you, you might be better prepared to face your parents.

This is only my tuppence worth mind but I recently came clean about the 30K I owed to my mum. I did tell her how I was sorting it out though and it is the sorting it out which is a crucial part in the process.

Good luck with everything and try not to dwell to much by worrying (easier said than done I know).

Mola x

yung

there is no two ways about it come clean and be happy knowing that something can be done about it or keep lying with more lies to cover up all the lies that will never ends

o_Looby_o

Hi Lee

Coming clean is the only way and I would recommend doing it before you have no other choice. I think breaking that kind of news will look better on your part if you do it now rather than waiting til the lie just unfolds.

Your parents will be disappointed yes, but they will help you. You will feel a million times better once you have told them.

You have made a mistake, we all do it. Its facing up to it and admitting you made a mistake that takes the courage. Take a deep breath and do it.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes?

pms

Hi Lee

Coming Clean will be hard but its the best thing to do. I'm 28 and I was petrified about telling my parents about my debts (£20,000 +) a few weeks ago and after the initial freaking out and going mad they have been nothing but supportive and I'm feeling so much better for telling them too as it was making me physically ill.

Good Luck

Bluelad_2

Lee,

Definitely time to come clean in my opinion. At least with eveything known you can make a plan as to what to do. Imagine how disappointed they'd be given that you've had the chance to tell them. I have had experience of this with OH's debt and now all is out in the open, we have made huge inroads into sorting everything out. I suspect that your parents have a very good idea there's another 11k lurking.

youngandreckless

I agree with Bluelad in that your dad probably has an idea that the money is gone, otherwise you would just use the loan money.
Tell them everything. Keeping it a secret will be horribly stressful and not fair on your parents if you want their help. They'll probably want to know when, why etc the money was spent so go to them prepared. Get an SOA on here and then you can use the advice you get to go to your mum and dad with an initial plan. Good luck and don't panic, yes it will be tough at first but I'm willing to bet your family will help you, once the news has sunk in. Keep us informed.
Y&R x

rog2

Yes, I agree with above. Your parents obviously think a lot of you, and are probably very proud of your acheivements. Telling them the truth may be difficult, but they will think a lot more of you once it is out in the open - 'a problem shared is a problem halved' and they will probably be only too pleased to help.
Please don't suggest the 0% Credit Card (in your father's name) - it quite simply is not an option.
It will get sorted but only if you start the ball rolling.

msmicawber

Hi tycooncico,

I see you haven't posted an SOA yet, but if you're earning £15k, I you'll be taking home about £800 per month. Since you're living at home, I assume that your rent is very reasonable and includes bills. If I'm right, you should have about £500-600 to throw at your debts per month.

You don't say what you've been overspending on, but if you've bought 'stuff', how about selling it on ebay or in the local paper and paying off some of your debt with the proceeds?

Another option open to you is to take a second job and throw all the wages at your debts.

I agree with the other posters that you do have to tell your parents the truth, and since you didn't take the opportunity to tell them when they found out about the credit cards, it would be a good idea to have a debt repayment plan ready first to soften the blow.

Why not also post an SOA to see if people on here can help you with reducing your spending.

tycooncico

After reading all the posts on here it has helped me decide i am going to have to deliver the news tonight. Fingers crossed it doesn't go too bad! I've been feeling sick at the thought of how exactly to break it to them!

I will deffinately be posting my SOA up monday. I've done one but its on my work computer.

I'll keep you all posted on what happens, my brother predicts "fireworks"

Thank you all, wish me luck!
:beer:

tyllwyd

I don't think it is fair on your parents to let them get involved in your financial affairs if they don't know the full story. If you are going to accept their help, I think you have a moral obligation to tell them the truth.

I think you should think carefully before you ask them to take out debts on your behalf. If the worst came to the worst and you decided to go bankrupt, if you owe money to family that will put you in a very difficult position. Be honest with yourself, if you were in their shoes and found out exactly how much money your child had spent secretly, would you trust that person not to run up more debts and let you down again?

My honest opinion, for what it's worth, is that you should face up to the situation as an adult, and look at what you need to do to clear all the debts by yourself. If your parents can help by letting you live rent-free, then that's great, but asking them to do more is a big step.

(Edited to say that your post above arrived while I was typing this. Good on you for deciding to come clean - good luck!)