Considering divorce - help please

jules9

Hi,
Ive been considering divorcing my wife for about the past 4 years... I know that seems a long time but we have been married for 24yrs!!!
Trouble is I have spoken with solicitors and they say its better to stay together whilst a divorce is going through. I know if and when I tell my wife, that living together would really be very very difficult.
Has anyone been through this? Is it possible or is it best to move out. I guess i would feel happier moving out, despite the expense of renting somewhwere.
If i move out, how easy is it to get my wife out of our jointly owned house? House is worth around £300,000 and she has previously said that she wouldnt move out?
Any ideas welcome please

Bossyboots

Do you have children living at the house. If so, how old are they?

It is unusual for a couple to remain living together while a divorce is going through and if you did remain in the same property you can only divorce if you are actually living separately and have to have done so for more than six months. This means separate shopping, cooking, washing, ironing, beds. In fact, you literally have to live as two single people. You should not even sit down to eat together.

If you have no children who require accommodation, then the house should be sold and the proceeds divided unless one of you can buy the other out.

kenshaz

Would love to hear the wife's point of view,but we never really get the other side,perhaps she deserves to stay in the house,reduce her standard of living ,is that her wish or yours?

silvercar

My opinions in red:

jules9 wrote:

Hi,
Ive been considering divorcing my wife for about the past 4 years... Have you tried counselling? I know that seems a long time but we have been married for 24yrs!!! mid-life crisis, empty nest syndrome???
Trouble is I have spoken with solicitors and they say its better to stay together whilst a divorce is going through. Whichever way, its going to cost you mega bucks! I know if and when if and when, if! are you trying to divorce her without telling her!I tell my wife, that living together would really be very very difficult.
Has anyone been through this? Is it possible or is it best to move out. I guess i would feel happier moving out, despite the expense of renting somewhwere.
If i move out, how easy is it to get my wife out of our jointly owned house? House is worth around £300,000 and she has previously said that she wouldnt move out? it will be difficult! Have you children, what will you do if they side with your wife? Has your wife given up a career to bring up the children? Assume you have mo mortgage, a rough estimate would be £60,000 wasted on legal fees, £130k each for a home? what could you get for that? Any ideas welcome please I would suggest you think this over very carefully. I've known people losing everything over a divorce, money home friend and family and ending up sad little people renting a room as a lodger in someone else's home.

jules9

Two sons, 20 and 22 both living at home and at University for about 2 more years.
I certainly don't want to be responsible for people moving out of the family home. It may be possible for wife to buy me out. This is a really diffficult situation and I really appreciate advice. Private messages also welcome.l

CarolnMalky

Hello Jules, surely the best person to sit and talk to is your wife, tell her how you feel, and maybe consider marriage guidance counselling. I am assuming things aren't that bad, as you have been thinking about it for 4 years, which had you been 100% sure at the start your divorce would be all through and finallised by now.
Best thing is to talk to her, dont do it behing her back.
Good luck
Carol

silvercar

If you seriously feel this way you should at least discuss it with your wife. Counselling would be a lot cheaper! Do consider your children, this will come as a big shock to them I imagine; just as they start to leave the nest, the nest falls out of the tree!