It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

babyboysmommy

alec_eiffel wrote: »

Especially when you couple that with the fact people would say don't spend too much we don't want people going into debt just over Christmas gifts. It's a complex mental process obviously.

Very much so. I think there are many people out there who need to remember they have no right to receive a gift let alone decide if what is given is worthy of them or not. Too many people have expectations when in reality we are not obliged to give anyone anything, that's why it's a gift!

A few years ago we stopped giving to friends, we were all broke so it was a joint decision made one night when we were all together, we have only exchanged cards ever since & avoid posting them if possible which means they can be rather early or even a bit late but as we are all doing it no one minds

We stopped buying for our brothers/sisters once we all had children. It has slashed our expenditure on birthday's & Christmas to a much more realistic amount although this year we will be spending even less as the agreed budget for the children is now £5 or home made gifts that cost a maximum of £5 to make.

It's a shame we live in such a materialistic society that seems to have forgotten how to appreciate the simple things in life like those gifts that are made with love or have been purchased with money that for many may have been better spent on something else but was spent on a gift instead. Why can't everyone just be thankful that someone cared enough to give a gift? Very sad really, this world we live in. More people are being hit by the recession though so maybe a few more will start to really appreciate what they have got/been given.

alec_eiffel

babyboysmommy wrote: »

Very much so. I think there are many people out there who need to remember they have no right to receive a gift let alone decide if what is given is worthy of them or not. Too many people have expectations when in reality we are not obliged to give anyone anything, that's why it's a gift!

A few years ago we stopped giving to friends, we were all broke so it was a joint decision made one night when we were all together, we have only exchanged cards ever since & avoid posting them if possible which means they can be rather early or even a bit late but as we are all doing it no one minds

We stopped buying for our brothers/sisters once we all had children. It has slashed our expenditure on birthday's & Christmas to a much more realistic amount although this year we will be spending even less as the agreed budget for the children is now £5 or home made gifts that cost a maximum of £5 to make.

It's a shame we live in such a materialistic society that seems to have forgotten how to appreciate the simple things in life like those gifts that are made with love or have been purchased with money that for many may have been better spent on something else but was spent on a gift instead. Why can't everyone just be thankful that someone cared enough to give a gift? Very sad really, this world we live in. More people are being hit by the recession though so maybe a few more will start to really appreciate what they have got/been given.

I'm quite thankful that a couple of years ago (after the charity gift incident) I read an article about the Abilene paradox (where a group of people all end up agreeing to do something that no-one in the group really wants to do type of a thing). So with friends I just came out with it and said I'd rather spend time with you than spend time in the shops looking for a gift for you. And the relief from everyone was amazing! I would wander round the shops looking for stuff just for the sake of buy someone a gift and it was stressful, so now we spend time together - some friends we go out for a meal, some we visit and take mulled wine and mince pies and we play board games and others we'll meet in town and have a few drinks or just go to the art gallery or go to look at the Christmas lights.

It's fantastic, it means that we can see people at any convenient time from November to February depending on other commitments and there's an honesty about budget too. Sometimes we splash out, sometimes we just relax. It's tailor made for the people taking part and I think that's the most important thing. There's enough stress around without creating more.

Doesn't work with family though!

The_Thrilla

alec_eiffel wrote: »

There's enough stress around without creating more.

I couldn't agree more. But before you get too relaxed you will want to have a look at this about food:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSpkLk0vYmk

And here's part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B9MeO3SRxU

If there is a better advert for OS home cookin' that is it.

Suddenly, I ain't hungry any more.

Wee_Jo

pagangirl wrote: »

Just coming out of lurkdom - Wee_Jo - congrats on being debt-free - thats a massive achievement :money:
(was also going to say try charity shops for knitting needles, wool/patterns, but lambanana got there before me):)

jediteacher - sorry your family don't appreciate all the hard work that goes into home made presents, it must be awful to see your work being cast aside like that - I love anything hand made/home made as appreciate all the love thats been put into it.

Good news here is new water bill received yesterday has now gone down by £15 for coming year. Not a lot but when dicussed a while ago, mine was the highest on this thread so well pleased.

Hugs to all, have a great weekend.

Thank you Pagangirl! I am still so chuffed this morning nd I am sure I look different :rotfl:

I think I will try some charity shops to see if they have any supplies. Although it's lovely and bright here now - it doesn't seem like knitting weather! I need it to be all dark and dreary!

Great news on the water bill! Any amount makes a big difference, I think!

alec_eiffel wrote: »

I think the handmade gift thing is a weird one. Everyone complained when I stopped making cards as they loved tham and kept them apparently. But a few years ago we did hampers and Oxfam unwrapped gifts and people were openly critical of them. It was doubly strange to me as I have worked for charities for yonks so it is the kind of thing they'd expect. Anyway, it was the year of the tsunami so in the days after Christmas people came back to me and said how timely it was that I'd bought the charity gifts, how grateful they were etc.

Alongside that, people who rejected jams, knitted and embroidered stuff will go out of their way and pay a fortune in the shops for the chunky scarves that look handmade and for embroidered bags and vintage style brooches, and head off to little shops selling homemade jam and cakes. Unless they genuinely didn't like my choice of items for them I think it's a very odd mentality. Especially when you couple that with the fact people would say don't spend too much we don't want people going into debt just over Christmas gifts. It's a complex mental process obviously.

I can't believe people would be so rude as to openly criticise a gift - how ungrateful! :mad:

little-lou-pink

gailey wrote: »

Thank you everyone for such kind words and birthday congratulations.
Thats what I love about mse and oldstyle most of all everyones so nice no rows like on other boards.
Cant belive people dont stop to help breakdowns and that people celeberate awful people on fb whats world coming to now im sound 30 going on 60.

I have been a bit down latly its been a struggle last few months july is cartax and mot so was dreading it.
Also in back of mind my daughter starts school so needs uniform , new shoes and coat already spent 40pound but she needs few more bits shoes and coat be most expensive.
Also both girls are growing fast and need new stuff in general.

I curse the house as seems to shrink since we had kids we need more storage but cant afford it.

our bed frame broke propped up by toolbox
chest of draws broke
wardrobe door has fallen off.
beige carpet in lounge is beyond repair
oven is complete rubbish but landlord says its fine.
Daughter needs big girls bed and more storage.

just seems never ending me and hubby have an enrich list of things some really stupid that would make life better.

Today hubby took me shopping in ikea for birthday got

pie dish
tupperware
ladel so dont ave to serve stew with icecream spoon
cake tin
pie tin
pastry brush
new pan

I know not very exiting but I need them as do lots of cooking and enjoy it.
saves us money and really want to get better at baking cakes, biscuits and desserts as im fine with main courses.

I know we lucky rents lower than most its long term rent so some security and in lovley area close to shops , parks and good school.

downside is

landlord says no to a dog when kids far more destructive.
keeping chickens be nice too.
kitchen and bathroom desperatly need replacing very dated.
new build so 3rd bedroom a box room and 2nd room small double

I have kind of accepted if we dont buy in next 5-7years then it wont happen.
would love to rent older property more spacious but wrong time.
hubby 38 feels even worse he does not own.
most people we know do own especially in their 30,s
we get by just on one income its hard yet mums at school have very expensive cars and live in huge houses not jealous just baffled most of time.

Im lucky love hubby been married 7years this october and have 2lovley girls do hope for 1 more but will see.
As for stepson hes never happy, some says its his age but hes alwasy been bit ungreatful and spoilt think hubby overcompensated when he was young as felt bad.

The garden exites hubby and we have huge veg patch this year.
I know like my nan says plenty people worse off then you.
i try not to wallow but live in very affluent area and some days feel like the pauper of estate.

At school today there was another collection.
Theres fundraising every month.
most mums think im well strange not driving and seem to feel sorry for me but everythings walkable and im quite fit.
Would love mobility of a car but cant afford it right now, sold vespa as cant fit baby in backbox.

The kids make me so happy, its hard but rewarding.
Yes i worry about their future.
stepsons 12 and behind acadmeically i suspect e will leave school at 16 with few or little qualifications and have trouble finding work in small town he lives in.
mine guess im little more hopeful hoping country be fixed by then and theres some hope.

But worry about their education getting them into decent secondary
affording a few hobbies like sports/music and school trips.

Dont really have illusions of being rich as such just wish i could walk round supermarket without dreading what bill is and buying couple small treats every now and then like buying in sales.
Not having to avoid phonecalls and dreading bills postie might bring would be nice.
Having days where im not thinking or worrying about money.

Still we tight as family and really embracing oldstyle way of life. kids too young to realise altough im mostly saying no to eldest as its too expensive.
Money has brought me and hubby closer together he feels dissapointed he cant provide for his family but truth is life is expensive and sometimes on paper it seems good wage but we never have any spare cash.

I wish i could help out more and hoping dog walking might work, lots of stupidly rich people round my parts with dogs.
Given up applying for part time jobs was so depressing.

going to pay off debts over next few months and try and save so maybe next sept can start a course and career plan as still dont know what want to do when grown up but hope to be positive role model to kids and instil good money sense in them.

Have you tried freecycle for the things you need to replace like your daughter bigger bed. i've had some great stuff off there and sometimes if you dont have transport the nice people might dekiver if you ask nicely. Worth a try. Dare I say if desparate try the skip. Sorry to thoses who hate that suggestion but when times are hard we do whatever we can to do our best.

taplady

The thrilla - I just watched those clips :T- very scary stuff indeed! :eek:

Wee_ Jo congratulations on being DF:T we too will be in that postion from tomorrow onwards:j:j:j skint but debt free:D roll on Augusts pay day when our cash is all our own for a change!:T

Lindy_-_Loo

Hiya everyone,
rain here all morning although the sun has come out now - for the minute anyway! DS2 asleep so once he wakes we gonna take boys out on bikes for some fresh air. Tesco due 3 till 5 pm and still need to make the sheperds pie for tea.

if anyone wants to print digital photos, Aldi has 100 free prints on registration - I've just done 130 and it was £3-23 with post which is a bargain!

Primark (in birkenhead anyway) has lots of reductions, got boys 7 pair of underpants each for £1 and i got a hooded sweatshirt for £2, lots of long sleeve stuff in sales and lots of underwear. My mum bought them a pack of boxers from there yesterday - 5 prs for £1.50.

Been Netto and Farmfoods for stuff that cheaper than tesco, could have gotten more but walk the mile home and seriously couldnt manage more! Found £1.20 in the basket at farmfoods so got the boys a pack of kinder bars - they are hidden away for now.

Im going to steal the idea of making baskets at christmas although im probably gonna use shoe boxes ans wrap them up. Have a very large family 23 neices, nephews and great neices, nephew plus siblings and parents! dont buy for all of them but my two eldest neices who we see regularly and the boys love we gonna make them a pamper basket, they never ask for anything and you can get some good deals and poundland do really good toiletries. The boys are gonna make homemade cards too, I dont have an artisitic bone in my body so I dread to think what they like!

Have saved £300 in high street gift vouchers, £30 in amazon and £22 so far in tesco - thats it for xmas no more putting on credit card, should have another £30 for ebay gifts as well

Hope everyones ok xx

seabright

My immediate family and I have decided that for the adults, we'll spend £15.00 max for Christmas this year and I am looking forward to the challenge. No limit on childrens presents, between partners or for birthdays. I shall be really interested to see how we get on. I just hope I remember the limit when I'm shopping in a few months time!

Wee_Jo

taplady wrote: »

Wee_ Jo congratulations on being DF:T we too will be in that postion from tomorrow onwards:j:j:j skint but debt free:D roll on Augusts pay day when our cash is all our own for a change!:T

That is brill!!!! Well done Taplady!! It's a fab feeling!! :j I also can't wait for August's pay cheque as I have the added bonus of my mortgage deal changing to a better rate for the flat I rent out back home in NI, so will have a little extra in my pocket!!

Wee_Jo

seabright wrote: »

My immediate family and I have decided that for the adults, we'll spend £15.00 max for Christmas this year and I am looking forward to the challenge. No limit on childrens presents, between partners or for birthdays. I shall be really interested to see how we get on. I just hope I remember the limit when I'm shopping in a few months time!

Hi Seabright

I think that is a good idea - I am going to suggest the same, maybe I will do a "£15 limit OR make it yourself" challenge.....

Eeek! I am excited about Christmas already!! Bad Jo