Seperation, Child & Housing- Help Needed

johnsons_baby

I have recently told my husband of 6 years that I wish to have a trial seperation. This is due to the fact he does nothing around the house, does not do anything for our child and he can be emotionally abusive towards me, in the past he has been phsyically abusive, this has not happend in about 3 years but I do fear it could.

We went on visit to his family today and he began being quite verbally abusive towards me, out of earshot of his family, fearing he may turn violent, I did a stupid thing and ran away (well drove actually), leaving my son. I feel terrible that I have left him there and it was such a stupid thing to do I am kicking myself.

However, my husband now is refusing to return our child to me. He owns the marital home (I moved in when we got engaged), I don't want him to come here at the moment until I have sorted some emergency accomodation, but I am not sure if I actually have any right to remain here, even though I have paid for the mortgage and substaintial home improvements.

He says he will not return our child unless I pick him and our child up and he can return home. I do not mind picking our child up but I don't want him near me and I feel I am walking into a danger zone if I agreed to that.

He has been refusing since 2pm and I have asked that our child be returned by 8pm, he has refused to do that. I have asked could one of his family drop our child home and he says no.

I am reticent to involve the police just yet in case they see it as a petty argument, it is not, I know I went to the family house but we haven't yet agreed seperation terms and until we have, we didn't want to tell people plus his family have done nothing wrong and our child is part of their family. I know I was stupid and drove off but I am fed up of his disrespect for my emotions and feelings.

I just don't know where I stand at the moment

sueeve

This is so horrible for you. For today the priority seems to be that your child is safe. Do you actually have any anxiety over this? If your child is at the family home with his grandparents I would think that all is OK. If they are then and are decent people I think you may have to go back, to break the impasse. If father and child stay there without you for much longer they are going to realise anyway. If somehow the situation can be diffused for the night then you need a solicitor tomorrow. You should be able to get a first reaction for free over the phone, if you look up one listed in the phone directory as being specialists in family law. You may wish that you had not run away, but put that behind you as it is done, can't be changed.
I am sure someone else can be more useful, but good luck
Sue

Fang_3

Phone the police and get them to go with you when you pick your son up.

merlin1

go get your son! you ran but that doesnt mean you cant go back! keep it calm... how is he going to explain to his family you just walking out?

go back pick up your son. be firm and tell him he isnt getting a lift home. if he's that bad then follow fangs advice and get support from the police first.

good luck chick xx

sorry just eta - if i'd told my oh that i wanted a trial separation then the last thing i'd want to do is a family visit! can i ask why you went? does his family know? xx

Soubrette

May my eyes fall out but I agree with Fang (don't get too excited, I read your post before logging in Fang )

However, you could let your ex know that if he does not allow you to pick up your son or does not drop him off by 8pm (or whatever time) then you will be getting the police involved.

Give him half an hour to respond and then call the police and ask them to escort you down there.

He is using your son to bully you and that is unacceptable from anyone's point of view but especially your son.

I would also consider contacting social services and asking for supervised access for your son and his Dad in the future.

Sou

*max*

I agree with Merlin1, you should go and pick him up by yourself. I'm assuming they are still at your OH's family's? If so, then I doubt if he would become violent in front of other people.

If this fails and he refuses to let your son go, or becomes threatening, then call the police. It should only be a last resort though, as having the polic involved will not only complicate matters by making OH even more irrate, but your son will likely be very shaken up by it.
Good luck, let us know how it went.

Liquorice_Twirls

Please take the Police with you. It's not petty - if you tell them he has been violent to you in the past they will take it seriously. My hunch is that he will appear perfectly reasonable in front of the Police and return the child to you. If you go on your own this is less likely to happen. Tell the Police you left after he became verbally abusive to you. Verbal abuse is one aspect of Domestic Abuse and the Police will take this seriously.

Then if you can stay with someone else tonight so he doesn't know where you are, this might keep you safer. If he is not willing to leave the home you can ring Women's Aid or Refuge to help you find a hostel. I know this might sound drastic, but if things have got to the stage that he has taken your child you do need to understand that he is potentially a danger to you both.

Then as soon as you can get legal advice, as this is potentially a very serious incident.

Thinking of you - hope things work out. x

Fang_3

Liquorice_Twirls wrote: »

Please take the Police with you. It's not petty - if you tell them he has been violent to you in the past they will take it seriously. My hunch is that he will appear perfectly reasonable in front of the Police and return the child to you. If you go on your own this is less likely to happen. Tell the Police you left after he became verbally abusive to you. Verbal abuse is one aspect of Domestic Abuse and the Police will take this seriously.

Then if you can stay with someone else tonight so he doesn't know where you are, this might keep you safer. If he is not willing to leave the home you can ring Women's Aid or Refuge to help you find a hostel. I know this might sound drastic, but if things have got to the stage that he has taken your child you do need to understand that he is potentially a danger to you both.

Then as soon as you can get legal advice, as this is potentially a very serious incident.

Thinking of you - hope things work out. x

He hasn't taken his child. She abandoned him.

tuggy

to be fair... presuming he is the father, and no custody has been ordered by the courts, the child is as much his as hers.

pinknfluffy0

tuggy wrote: »

to be fair... presuming he is the father, and no custody has been ordered by the courts, the child is as much his as hers.

Exactly, the police wont do anything unless you have proof of past violence.

heretolearn_2

Yep, I can't imagine the police getting involved - he has as much right to have the child with him as she has, possibly more so legally as she walked out and left the child with him. There's no suggestion that the child is in any danger and so no legal reason for the father to be forced to give up custody.

I'd be inclined to let him back, with the child, then straight away leave with child to a women's refuge!