BF needs a boot up the bum - any advice??

sammy_kaye18

:silenced: :silenced: :silenced: :silenced: :silenced: :silenced: :silenced: :silenced:

Can someone please come over and give my bf a swift reality check!!!!

My bf is in almost £13,000 worth of debt and doesnt seem to give a s**t.
He seems to think all the debt companies send these letters out for funa dn if he keeps going the way he is its not going to be a very merry christmas because he'll be locked up.

he owes
£2233.83 to Lloyds TSB (no idea what this debt even is but think its more than C/C) take over by Debt managers limited - had let demanding payment in full this morning - well found in glove box.
£1220.91 to HSBC (now taken over by Meltropolitan Credit Services)
£4983.85 to Northern Rock (taken over by Henderson, Booth and Snell)
£4500.00 (approx) to Morgan and Stanley. (now Thames Credit)

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12940.59 in total.

and like i said he ignores letters, palms off phone calls, never does anything to get it sorted and its to the point me and his mother are trying to sort it alll for him now and its even to the point that i have to hide money form him otherwise he'll spend it on somethign pointless.

Ive applied to CCCS but he hardly answers their phone calls at all. he was/is currently with Harrington Brooks/all clear finance and they are about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

Im at my wits end - ive even taken to paying off northern rock / henderson booth and snell debt by paying £30 a month to them and they will review the debt in a months time to help him out. but i cant pay it all off.

Any ideas how i can make him see that he has to do something soon or it will ruin him.

MoneyMagnet

Hi, I'm no expert in these matters, and you'll probably get some better replies soon, but it seems to me that he hasn't had his light bulb moment, and by paying off some of his debts for him, you're protecting him from experiencing the full consequences of his actions. I know you mean well & want to help him, (and I'm all for helping out loved ones when they're back on track), but from what you've said, he sounds like someone who isn't going to really face up to things until he has to deal with his creditors himself, without any help from you or his mother.

Don't mean to sound harsh, but my advice would be for you to not pay any more on his behalf, at least not until he's faced facts & is truly committed to turning things around.

I hope things work out for the both of you

climbgirl

To be honest, you can't force him to have his "lightbulb moment" until he's ready to face up to it. The only thing you can do is keep trying to lead him there I guess....Try showing him this site. Or maybe choose something that's relevant to him (cars, travel whatever) and point out what £13K is worth in those terms.

It takes different things for different people to wake up and smell the coffee. But as the previous poster said, if you keep bailing him out, he's never going to get his wake-up call. I would be very, very careful not to pay off his debts or get any kind of joint credit arrangement with him!

Pobby

Whatever you do,don`t bail him out.Be supportive once he owns up to the debt.How`s about this.My cousins son started a business in the 90`s.It has always been a total failure but he`s a bit of a waste of space and possibly not hold down a job.Spoke to her yesterday{my cousin},It appears she has bailed him out to the tune,well I should think,£200k!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has also been discovered that he has got a £32k loan.By the wat,he sends his 2 kids to private school.£12k a year!

Donedoingdebt

Being harsh, it's probably time you separated your finances completely from his to protect your own financial position. Otherwise, until he has his own LB moment he's going to drag you down with him. He will eventually have to face facts when he's refused any further credit to fund his lifestyle. Then you'll have to be strong by not bailing him out but educating him to face up to & deal with his finances himself.

dudleyboy

I'm afraid I've got to agree with others. There's only so much you can personally do and the best thing for you now is to keep your finances completely separate and don't lend him any money if he asks for it.

Perhaps an afternoon in court will be the swift reality check he needs.

lynzpower

stop paying his debt off for him for a start. If the bailffs come round, or he ends up in court then maybe he will finally start to realise that this isnt a joke.

Dont waste your money, it doesnt seem to be helping from what you say

Decadent_Fool

If you have AYTHING in joint names, seperate them now - at least you can preserve your healthy finances.

Good luck mate

sammy_kaye18

Hi All

Our finances are totally seperate.
We will probably never have a joint account or anythign else.

Ive even had to take to changing my sons abnk account - my son is only 2 - and i had to change it from both of us having access to it to just me having access to it as it sounds a horrible thign to say after 4 years of being together but i just dont trust him.

I will stop lending him money - i seem to do this alot - looking back over the last few weeks. he has asked for nearly £400. £350 towards a new engine and £70 towards a swing arm and tyre for his bike. plus £40 towwards a new stereo that is sat on my living room floor that is for his car.

RIGHT THATS IT - MY LIGHT BULB MOMENT - NO MORE MONEY - hes taking me for a mug. Im paying for all his bloody stuff. I already pay £300 of household bills adn im on a p/t wage adn he works full tiem and pays £240 - no bloody more.

Thank you for making me see sense.

NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!

sammy_kaye18

Oops

btw i forgot to add my DFW number is because the most i have ever been in debt was £240. which i paid off myself and i now am debt free and free to spoil my little one rotten although im careful about what i spend.

Lemon_Tree

I have to agree with the majority, and understand that you probably won't want to hear it, but you have to separate your finances otherwise he will bring you down, also stop paying things for him, he'll never learn if you do that.
Good luck with everything hope it works out
Lem