PLEASE help me stop spending

kezzygirl

hi everyone, i am new to this board although always come on here to read people's posts as it helps me too.
my problem is, that i/we owe money to people and it really gets me down.I worry over it constantly and i am always checking our bank balance to see what money we have.it is almost an obsession.Part two of the problem is, no matter how down i get over the debts, we always spend what we dont have.Example: we managed to clear a £400 credit card debt as we sold our car to my sister and bought another for a cheaper price.Due to this, we used the credit card to buy food shopping (£58 worth)...which is fair enough as we are going to pay it in full.However, i got a bright idea at the weekend that we needed a shed,so we went online and found one at £189(8ftx6ft),so we bought it.We then went to a well known diy shop and spent £87 on lawn feed and weed,weedkiller,a cordless drill and plants.monday just gone, the feelings of guilt,dismay and upset crept back because we dont need a shed,the £189 could be put onto one of our other debts, and because of my/our lack of self control.
I dont know why I did it. I thought 'its ok,we will pay it off when i get paid'...but then that leaves us struggling for next month.
I have acknowledged that we have debts but I reallly cannot stop myself.Here is what we owe:
Hubby Barclaycard-£2215
My Barclaycard-£1325
Additions:£600 bnpl
Santander loans:£1800
Santander credit card:£365

We have previously been on a debt management plan with cccs, although we then decided to tackle the creditors ourself so that is wht we are doing.The santander loan is in the process of going to debt collectors as it was originally with alliance and leicester...who santander bought out in January.They have stopped all interest on this.
No interest is being added on additions as it is buy now pay feb and may. we are making a payment on it monthly which is big enough to clear it by feb and may 2011.
Barclaycard are charging £13 p/m interest on hubbys account and £14 p/m interest on mine.my payment that i make(whcih is the minimum payment) is £29 p/m. hubby pays £42 p/m(again min payment)
sorry to ramble on...but it sure feels good to let it all out to others instead of moaning on to hubby!any advice appreciated xx

kezzygirl

forgot to say i know that there are people worse off than me and that i should be greatful as i have two beautiful children and a good marriage....its just the debt makes me feel as though i am being strangled

Verbatim

Can you cancel the order and or take stuff back?

I think what helps is having a plan so you know week by week month by month whether you're on target. Paying stuff off can be as addictively "exciting" as spending!

kezzygirl

Hello thansk for your reply.we cancelled the shed on the monday and they in the process of refunding it.i just cant stop spending no matter how low it makes me.i hate being in debt with a vengeance.it makes me feel so bad.believe it or not i am a psychological therapist lol you couldnt make it up...i cant even analyse myself.

Savvy_sewing

Give your self something to SAVE for, not just to pay off the debts.!
Remind yourself, is it an IWANT or AN I NEED or a NECCESSITY?
Can it way until tomorrow?
Dont go out to the shops.
Hide your cards away so you cannot shop on line?

Do the NO SPEND DAYS and see how many you can do in a week/month/ etc

Take a look at the FRUGAL sites, and the Living on £4,000 a year. Gives loads of inspiration.

Pee

Would it work if you froze your credit card? You freeze it in a bowl of water and then if you want to use it, you need to defrost it, giving you probably 12 hours - or at least a couple - to rethink your decision and if it is an impulse, for it to pass.

Look into sending the shed back.

SusieT

Not being harsh, but if you cannot stop spending cut up your cards and only use the one that your husband has as an emergency one. That way you cannot spend on them. If you then try to pay more than the minimum and throw any extra that you can at them you will eventually end up with no debt.
For everyday shopping use a debit card or cash so that it goes direct from your account, and have a game with yourself to see how much you can get off the list for the week - then add the amount saved to a piggy bank and see how much you can put away for treats.

Pee

Sorry, by time I had finished my post, you had posted that you had sent the shed back.

I think it's like comfort eating, it's a def problem that you have to overcome, an addiction.

kezzygirl

hiya, thanks for your reply.we can only use the santander credit card and additions.barclycards are frozen because we have owed them a while.
we keep the santander credit card for emergencies...although the temptation is there.really good idea about putting it in freezer...didnt think of that!thanks.
mostly our spending is through i want,but we needed the food shopping we bought.we are frugal with our meals...bulk them out with french stick etc or garlic bread.i work full time and hubby looks after kids so i will do a comprehensive list of meals and food we need.just feels as though sometimes we not getting anywhere...all paying off of debts and no play.
the debts do not concern hubby..he says they are paid every month and that its only money.its only me who is obsessional over it all.one bit of good news...shed company emailed and the refund will be put back on credit card in 2-3 days!so thats a blessing.
one things for sure ionce we are debt free i will NEVER have credit again.We also have a £150 overdraft which we are always in.told hubby to reduce it to £100 or even £50,he said no as we may need to dip in it...but i think that it is more temptation.we needed an additional £50 on the overdraft the other month for some bills...bank said no.really says something if the bank wont give us £50!!

Smilerwoman

Hi Kezzygirl,

I don't know where you keep your Santander credit card, but if it were me, I'd advise against putting it in your purse.

It's something I noticed when I was spending a ridiculous amount of money on stupid stupid stuff. Like for example, I was on my lunch break at work, went for a wander (had brought a packed lunch but just wanted to get out of the building for a bit), ended up in a department store buying £20 worth of make up on my credit card. :eek:

I think there's a temptation, if you carry it around with you, to see a credit card as 'my money' when it really isn't.

After that episode of stupidity, I now keep my credit card in a drawer, under a million pieces of paper, so I can't spend on an impulse. If I'm desperate, if there's a sudden crisis, it's there.

Don't know if this helps, but it's maybe worth thinking about.

Good luck!

kezzygirl

thanks for all of your good advice...i will have to summon all of my willpower and say no to myself more often.thats it now,game over.thanks again!x