why dont the csa see the bigger picture

ilovemykids1979

thanks for reply iw ish i could sort it out but she isnt willing and doesnt see what i pay for, if i was to pay accessive amount i still couldnt stop what i do now has it would be my daughter that lost out.

she wouldnt provide me with clothes anyway so i would have no choice, and i dont believe there is a nest egg for my daughters future so i would still have to do this.

i guess this is why some do there best to pay less than they should has the csa calculations are rubbish, i mean if you have a child equal amounts the parent that doesnt get cb has to still pay maintenance.......its a joke.

maggied_2

Re the clothes - we also provide all DSD's clothes while she's here (although that's no bad thing given what her mother thinks is suitable for a little girl to wear frankly). She did provide all that stuff when OH was duped into parting with 25% of his wages when they first split up (25% of not very much = sleeping in your mum's spare room!).

The nest egg for your little girl, while a wonderful thing to do, is something that if you and her mother were together then you would save for after all other expenses had been met.

It's always going to be a contentious issue. There's no getting away from the fact that whatever CM the NRP pays WILL have an affect on the PWC's standard of living (either good or bad!) and that were the couple together the NRP would have a say in what the money was spent on - hence why to some it can feel like you're handing money over to your ex.

needtovent

We have a wardrobe of clothes at our house for when DSD is with us, some of the outfits she has arrived in in the past have either been not suitable for weather/time of year or various other reasons. She loves getting out of her 'arrived in' clothes and into an outfit of her choosing. I used to send clothes for my children when they were staying with my ex because my ex did not understand why any more should be bought-which was fine by me.
Another reason for being happier with DSD having her own clothes in her own bedroom here is because we view our house as her home-which it is and having her own clothes at home in her wardrobe is more natural and homely than living out of a suitcase everytime she comes over-that's not very family focussed and would make her seem more like a guest than someone coming home. (IMO)

ilovemykids1979

needtovent wrote: »

We have a wardrobe of clothes at our house for when DSD is with us, some of the outfits she has arrived in in the past have either been not suitable for weather/time of year or various other reasons. She loves getting out of her 'arrived in' clothes and into an outfit of her choosing. I used to send clothes for my children when they were staying with my ex because my ex did not understand why any more should be bought-which was fine by me.
Another reason for being happier with DSD having her own clothes in her own bedroom here is because we view our house as her home-which it is and having her own clothes at home in her wardrobe is more natural and homely than living out of a suitcase everytime she comes over-that's not very family focussed and would make her seem more like a guest than someone coming home. (IMO)

i see your point and would stop buying my child clothes, but the point is that were does it stop.

it should be about supporting the child and i truely dont see th e difference between me and the pwc i had to get a bigger house so my daughter felt like it was her home, the mother and myself wouldnt be happy be happy with her sharing a room with a a 14 month old bay.

so my point is i support my child has much has the pwc and pay
finiacially has much if not more, but the csa then want to take even more which means the reality is only i will be supporting my child.......fair mmmmmmmmmm i dont think so

needtovent

ilovemykids1979 wrote: »

i see your point and would stop buying my child clothes, but the point is that were does it stop.

it should be about supporting the child and i truely dont see th e difference between me and the pwc i had to get a bigger house so my daughter felt like it was her home, the mother and myself wouldnt be happy be happy with her sharing a room with a a 14 month old bay.

so my point is i support my child has much has the pwc and pay
finiacially has much if not more, but the csa then want to take even more which means the reality is only i will be supporting my child.......fair mmmmmmmmmm i dont think so

i think one or both of us has misunderstood. I think what hyou are doing for your child is great and buying clothes (i think you said you bought clothes) is great too. i should have quoted my last post, kelloggs mentioned that she didn't see the point of you buying clothes for your child to wear when she is at home with you-I was saying that we do this too and DSD wears clothes we buy when she is at home with us.
I am on your side. My ex and myself came to a private arrangement for maintenance and i think it's probably a better deal than the csa (because my ex helps in other ways and with other things too), plus there isn't the angst and aggravation. Unfortunately some PWCs are very greedy when it comes to maintenance-they would probably get more if they weren't so greedy. My OH was paying maintenance until PWC decided it wasn't enough and went to CSA, so it was assessed and a nil assessment was awarded-so consequently PWC was not happy.
sorry i can't help or advise. Good luck with your situation.