Weddings and Debt

RainbowDrops

Go for it
You don't have to make a big deal, just bring it up casually as you're reading a CC statement.

bubbles0169

i was just going to say that rainbow!
you could say something like 'you know im in debt and because were saving for our wedding i had to go over my budget again and just wanted you to know ive got about £12000 of debt, i dont want your help with it or anything i just wanted you to understand how much it is'

hopefully he wont worry about it but on the other hand if he does youl be in it together

what does your sig mean 'savings target'?
its not your savings is it? if so, one of the fundamental rules of money sense is to use savings to pay off debts as the interest is far higher on debt than savings
are you on a DMP(debt mangement plan)? if so you need to declare your extra income to them and then you can knock the debt off quicker, you may struggle but in the long run itll be worth it

MinniMe_2

thanks bubbles - i actually really like your suggestion of how to bring it into conversation.

the savings target in my sig isn't "true" savings. My parents lent me the money for the deposit on my flat and this is the target of what i want to pay them back this year. My dad doesn't want it in little pieces but in lump sums - if that makes sense.

I have also posted my SOA (thanks for the suggestion) on the DFW board and am getting some great ideas there too.

little_h_2

please, from the bottom of my heart, please just be honest with each other. preferably before the wedding so you both know what is what.

my wedding is now off because of my partners lies, his debt I could have dealt with but the constant lies (not even bending the truth, outright calculating lies) and then stealing meant that it had to end for us.

not saying this will happen to you but sounds like you both need to have a chat about money and your attitudes to debt.

MinniMe - if you are on DFW then I have a thread in there which will explain more.

MinniMe_2

little H - I am so sorry to read your thread. I can only send virtual hugs but I wish I could do more.

I thank you all for your honesty. I have decided I am going to tell him, hopefully next week (selfish I know but we have family visiting this weekend to celebrate with us and I ust don't want a bad mood in the house). I will keep you all posted with how he takes it.

MinniMe_2

Morning all - I thought I would give you an update.

Apart from all the family bickering around the wedding! I spoke to OH last night about my CC debt and it actually went really well.

We were talking about money and I said "you know I owe money on my CC don't you?" he said I do and you know that I have money on mine (I know exactly how much on his - about half of what mine is). I said do you want to know how much it is and he replied simply, baby, your money is your own, as long as you are coping with it, trying to pay it off and promise me that if it gets to the stage that you are struggling you will tell me straight away so we can deal with it together then I am happy with that.

So all my worrying was pretty much for nothing and I feel, as you all said I would, so much better for having it out in the open. I know he doesn't know the exact figure but he didn't ask and says that as long as I am coping it doesn't really matter.

Thank you all so much for your continued support.

RainbowDrops

Glad to hear it's all good & that he obviously trusts you.
Good to be open about stuff :j

kezzballs

Well done for being honest. You HAD to tell him before the wedding, there is no point in starting a marriage with dishonesty.
My fiance was 40K in debt when I met him and I said he had to clear it all before we got married as I needed to trust him and start off married life with a clean slate.
He has now cleared it by himself as he would not accept any help from me. We get married in 8 and half months time as he wanted to have saved a bit for the wedding. It has been a long wait but we both know that we are meant to be together!