Weddings and Debt

MinniMe_2

This question has been going round and round in my head for the past couple of weeks so I thought I'd ask my fellow MSE bridees/grooms for their opinion.

I have debt - obviously - and am working my way out of it. Now my H2B knows I have a loan and some money on a CC that I am working on clearing, but he doesn't know the exact extent.

Is anyone else in the same position ? I plan on having it cleared by the wedding and until then we probably wont need joint finances so am not sure what to tell him.

Would appreciate your thoughts.

picklepick

Hi hon,

I'm not in the same position but thought id say well done for trying to get your debt sorted!

Why would you need joint finances when you get married?

Does your partner have a good credit rating etc?
If he does, then unless you take out a joint account his credit rating wont be affected by your debt.

In my view, honesty is always the best policy though!

MinniMe_2

picklepick - thank you for your kind words.

My H2B has a good credit score, the only reason for joint finances will be the new house. We currently own 3 properties between us at the minute and hope by the time the wedding comes round, to sell two and buy one together (probably keeping the third and renting it out).

He knows i have some debt, just not exact numbers and I am working my !!! off trying to get rid - 3 mystery shops this week, 13 items on ebay at the minute. Not buying lunch etc etc etc.

Part of me really wants to tell him everything but I am scared and also wouldn't know where to start.

Horace

Minni - you should be totally honest with him especially with regard to the amount you actually owe, imagine what will happen if he discovers later that getting a joint mortgage will be impossible due to your bad credit rating. Sorry I don't want to sound harsh.

I suggest that you visit the DFW board elsewhere on this forum and post your Statement of Affairs (SOA) https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html - follow the instructions on there and post it to MSE and then the folks on the DFW board will give you tips on where you can cut back, cut out and cut down.

A marriage is a partnership and you should be able to share your problems, if you can't share then maybe he isnt the right man for you.

caitybabes

Hello there,

I would really really encourage you to be open and honest with your hubby-to-be about anything that's on your mind before the big day (and as far in advance as poss). The sooner these things are out in the open the sooner you can get on with being closer than ever before. Having anything like that can just cause a divide in a relationship.

I say this because we went to a marriage preparation day and part of the day was 15mins to ourselves to be completely honest about anything we had not felt able to say before. It was such a relief to get a couple of things off our minds and we both felt much closer as a result of it.

Cait x

RainbowDrops

Out of interest, is there any reason you haven't been open about the extent of your debt?

I can't imagine why you wouldn't share this with him, seeing as you're planning to share everything else

Dizzie77

I have to agree with the others here - You should tell your OH the extent of your debt.

My debt is something I told my OH quite early on - he is very good with money (and I am not!)
and he is proud of me for dealing with it.
I should be debt free this time next year with a bit of luck - but two years ago I owed
£24k.

This has been said over and over on another recent thread - honesty is the basis of any good
relationship.

ellay864

I agree with all the posters recommending you tell him. Money can end up causing so many problems you really need to be honest. I'm in the opposite position - I'm in a good job and was Ok financially...though substantially less so since taking up with the OH who came to me with massive debts. 6 years on we're still not there but are in control. He told me how bad things were, we've had massive rows when his carefree approach to finance has driven me to despair, and there's been times I thought we'd split up over money. But we've got through it all by being toally honest with each other. You're doing all the right things so I'm sure your OH will be supportive of you and it's so much better it comes from you than he find out and feels as if you've had to hide it from him

*Louise*

WE all know your debt......but you're scared to tell the man you love how much it is?

I could understand if it was an incredible amount, but it's not, and you're working hard to clear it - you shouldn't worry about being honest with him. Just tell him, I bet you will be relieved afterwards.

Start as you mean to go on and all that;)

bubble96

i have to say, i know that you may find it hard, but nothing good ever comes from keeping secrets from your other half - what if between now and the wedding something happens, car needs replacing, job losses/cuts, or you just dont manage to pay off what you thought. then you will be in a position of difficulty. i am all for keeping your actual physical cash seperate, but, and i say this from experience, not discussing it is not good!

i have debt, my partner had none, i had to tell him all fairly quickly into the relationship because he earnt twice as much as me, and was expecting me to be able to afford the same things he could. He was fine about slowing down. and when we moved in together i made it clear then that we had to even things out. You may think its your debt and you should pay it off, but if you are getting married you are agreeing to be a team, and should see finances as such. He should know, he may be able to help. If hes already marrying you, and he knows you have debt, then hes hardly going to run a mile when you tell him how much! (what i mean is, its a substantial ammount (mine was about the same when he first met) but its not an ammount that suggests omg she has a serious spending problem iykwim!)

MinniMe_2

Morning all - thank you all so much for your replies.

I understand where you are all coming from and the honesty is why I want to tell him.

i am scared he will be so dissapointed in me.

I guess the thing that is holding me back the most is the fact that I know he has some CC debt also. I don't think it is as much as mine but I'm not sure. He is open as I am and says he has CC debt but he hasn't said how much his is either and it makes me wonder if this is something that he isn't wanting to discuss and if I start with telling him how much I owe then he will have to do the same.

I just don't know.