Advice needed! Church or Civil?

xtinkersx

i was also having the same problem, im not really religious but always said i would marry in a certain church then we moved round the corner and my 2 kids got christened there seemed like fate!
talked about it and said we didnt want anything long-and boring (mo) as you see alot of it on tv with the hyms etc and people moaning so we looked into the Civil ceremony but seemed quick and impersonal.
then someone on here said about adding readings to it so it seemed perfect as its relativly quick, you can do your own vows and readings and no singing lol the venue use the same room for it all too plus people dont have worry about from getting to one place then another. also the cost venue will be £375ish church is £600++ and not including the decor for it!

i thought i was 100% set on this and happy until my friend told me there getting wed 2 months after and having the church so now im in 2 minds again and its driving me mad!! :mad:

prensesjulia

Neither my husband nor I are particularly religious (I went to girl guides, and thats pretty much where it ended).

However when we got married earlier this year we did so in a church. We looked into a civil ceremony, but they wanted £400 for room hire (although we were having our reception there anyway), and the council wanted over £350 for someone to actually marry us! So in the end we decided in the church I went to when I was in girl guides because they wanted lots less (we paid £600ish for the church, service, flowers, organist and bells), I know this reason seems a bad one, but we'd rather pay for the upkeep of a beautiful old building (the church) than pay for a rom we are going to use anyway and an overpriced registrar.


And in the end the vicar knew, and respected this, adding that without wedding the church would have to have been closed years ago. He was very laid back about us not being regular church goers and didn't seem to mind about us already living together (my biggest worry when he asked for our addresses).

It also made our grandparents much happier, and they enjoyed the input (helping to choose hymns, prayers, versus etc)

I think it's all about how much input you have with the service, and discussing with the registrar / vicar how you can personalise it

Maydot

This is "second time round" for both of us. Our first marriages were both in Registry Offices and, at the time, for us both that was the right thing to do. However this time is different. Although we thought we could never marry in a church we were happy and surprised that my OH's parish vicar (where he works) agreed to talk to us and then agreed to marry us. At our first meeting he asked us - "Do you believe in God?" and we both answered, very truthfully "Yes".

If one or both of us hadn't been able to give that answer then we would have been arranging a Civil Ceremony...and to be perfectly honest there is no shame in that. A Registry Office or civil ceremony is not second best, its the alternative option when the couple or one partner have no religous beliefs. A civil ceremony has just as much meaning and is equally as poignant and important as a church wedding. You are still making the same vows to each other and you will still have a fantastic day, the difference is that a church ceremony is for couples with a religous belief who wish to make their vows before God. (lol...sorry sound all "preachy" there but don't mean to!)

Have you considered, if you feel it is important, to have a church blessing after your civil ceremony? Might be worth looking into

We didn't have to convince the vicar of the error of our ways, both of us were left by our previous partners for other people. If either of us had committed adultery then the vicar would not have agreed to marry us anyway.

I understand your feelings though - why not have a chat with the vicar at the church near the venue and ask about a blessing? That way your HtB wouldn't have to tell "porkies" and you would be getting the church bit that you feel is missing. Hope it all works out for you

lolly1981

my 1st wedding i was married in a registry office..this time we were also going to be married in the registry office until we discovered our local spiritualist church does weddings, i often go there but to be fair OH isnt into it..he was intrigued but he wouldnt say he needs it so to speak...but for him it was the price that swayed it for him and the fact it fits 200 ppl not 60 and also it wouldve made me happy

we were considering marrying in our local church and the reverend was fine with ity even tho i had been divorced before but i do live in that parish so that wasnt an issue we decided against it as neither us are religious