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How do I start to get back life back??

Bobby1982
Posts: 41 Forumite
Hi all,
Some of you may remember me from my original thread ..
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2467413=
Things sadly have yet to improve healthwise, although im being seen by a specialist and they are doing the best to help me. Im on so much medication its playing havoc with me and the past few days ive not been able to get myself up out of bed. Thankfully today I can, but feel like I have zero energy and like an old lady. Its really getting me down as I had hoped as I was getting some improvement that it might be not long before I could go back to work. Unfortunately messing with the medication has knocked me for six.
As mentioned in my prior thread, im now divorced and my close friends still are no longer speaking to me. I feel so sad over the whole thing. Ive tried several times to message them over the last few months but no reply. I had such bad depression and never wanted to miss my friends wedding, but I was in such a bad way and had a nasty infection as well.
I dont know how to get my life back, ive lost my husband, lost my friends and at the moment im spending pretty much all my time in bed, on the sofa at best. I tried last week to walk up the road to the shop, but my energy levels are so low it wore me out. I dont want to be a misery, but guess I probably sound like one, and probably am one at the moment. Some days I get so upset & frustrated as I just want my life back. Im worried how Im going to manage when I do get back to work as I seem to be ill so much. I miss my friends so much & my ex-husband. (We are divorced but I miss him every day even though I know theres no way back). I miss my friends, known them all my life and its now been 6 months without them. I tried to message them again today, doubt i'll get any reply. Cant help but miss them and all the fun & memories we have shared.
How do I move forward, any advice x
Some of you may remember me from my original thread ..
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2467413=
Things sadly have yet to improve healthwise, although im being seen by a specialist and they are doing the best to help me. Im on so much medication its playing havoc with me and the past few days ive not been able to get myself up out of bed. Thankfully today I can, but feel like I have zero energy and like an old lady. Its really getting me down as I had hoped as I was getting some improvement that it might be not long before I could go back to work. Unfortunately messing with the medication has knocked me for six.
As mentioned in my prior thread, im now divorced and my close friends still are no longer speaking to me. I feel so sad over the whole thing. Ive tried several times to message them over the last few months but no reply. I had such bad depression and never wanted to miss my friends wedding, but I was in such a bad way and had a nasty infection as well.
I dont know how to get my life back, ive lost my husband, lost my friends and at the moment im spending pretty much all my time in bed, on the sofa at best. I tried last week to walk up the road to the shop, but my energy levels are so low it wore me out. I dont want to be a misery, but guess I probably sound like one, and probably am one at the moment. Some days I get so upset & frustrated as I just want my life back. Im worried how Im going to manage when I do get back to work as I seem to be ill so much. I miss my friends so much & my ex-husband. (We are divorced but I miss him every day even though I know theres no way back). I miss my friends, known them all my life and its now been 6 months without them. I tried to message them again today, doubt i'll get any reply. Cant help but miss them and all the fun & memories we have shared.
How do I move forward, any advice x
Life is dealing out these lemons..& Im struggling to make them lemonade.
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Comments
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I know life seems tough sometimes (Im going through SUCH a bad patch at the moment) but focusing on the bad things is not going to get you anywhere. You now have no one to hold you back, maybe you can try doing something positive for youself today?Aim - BUYING A HOUSE :eek: by November 2013!Saved = 100% on 03/07/12 :j0
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Hi, Sorry to hear that..hope you are okay?
I know focusing on the bad isnt going to help me, but I honestly dont know what else to do at the moment..I cant seem to get well and its like my body is going through the wars. Ive had alot of bad health the past year, this just being the latest bout. Im at home on my own pretty much all the time and just keep thinking of everything I had that Is now gone. I used to have a circle of friends Id known for years and feel like ive got nothing at the moment. I dont want to feel this way, wish things would change. Its like im stuck in a big hole.Life is dealing out these lemons..& Im struggling to make them lemonade.0 -
Anyone got any advice??
Im feeling really low the last few days and dont know how to help myself. I tried Anti-D in the past and they didnt work or made me feel ill, and counselling helped to talk but couldnt fix the way I feel. Im kind of at a loss of how to sort myself out.Life is dealing out these lemons..& Im struggling to make them lemonade.0 -
I am so sorry to hear your news. You are at a very low point, but things can and do get better.
I was in a very similar position two years ago when my friends didn't understand my depression and described me in every possible way to be a bad friend and lazy. We had quite a show down one day, which then made me spiral even further down. I learnt later on that it is ok just to have them as fair weather friends. They didn't/couldn't find it in themselves to deal with me when I was poorly. They do however now stay in contact, not as regular as we once did (we were in and out of one anothers houses each week) now I see them about every one or two months. That is fine with me, we get to catch up, have a nice time, but they steer clear of any health mentions, and off we go. Me to continue to recover, and them in blissful ignorance.
I have found other new friends in the last two years, and now rely on them more than I did the others, which I didn't think at the time would be possible, but you do get out there and meet others.
I too remember I didn't have the energy to get out. A walk to the post box had me exhausted. Try if you can each day to go further. To the next lamp post, then to the next street. Your illness has quite literally brought you to your knees, and very slowly you can build up your energy levels, to walking round the block. It really will lift your spirits the more you keep on doing this. Eventually you will make it to the swimming pool, and I can't believe I would ever say this, but I now go to the gym two years down the line!
What I am trying to say is it will get better. You miss everyone terribly, you are going through a tough time, but keep in there and you will get through, and meet others, hopefully when you are through the other side your friends will speak with you again, if not, they aren't worth having as friends.
Have you had any counselling? Can you afford to go private? if so have a look on the link to find someone close to you. http://www.bacp.co.uk/ If not speak with your GP, the government are doing something called Talking Therapies, which is a scheme to counsel people (it is still receiving funding because it is a proven way of getting people back to work so for them it pays dividends!) If not there is a standard 6 - 8 week counselling course your GP can offer linked to the surgery on the NHS. Not much, but might be the beginning to going private. There is likely to be a waiting list, so do ask to be put down on it.
take care0 -
Counting_Pennies wrote: »
Edit Sorry just read your last post. Cranial Osteopathy worked wonders for me in addition to the counselling, which I do think you should try them both together. See if there is an Osteopathic clinic near by to you that does Cranial for adults. It is very gentle, you hardly feel they are doing anything, just a hand on the head gently tapping. It is a proven natual remedy for depression. Do try it, it is amazing the results after just a couple of treatments0 -
Thank you 'Counting_Pennies' for sharing your experiences, it really helps to know other people have been through this and come out the other side. I have found it really hard to get my head around the way my friends have reacted. I understand the one friend for being upset I couldnt make the wedding, but its 6 months down the line since and I keep trying to message her and explain. I also have a letter for her, but she wont even text me her new address to send it to. The other friend who was one of my best friends I hasd thought, just seems to have wiped her hands of me altogether. For the first time in 6 months I had a reply the other day to my message and she basically said she had moved towns to live with her parents etc and that she didnt want my 'negativity' in her life. That hurt because I cant help suffering with this. She basically said she I needed to help myself, sort myself out. I explained I had tried anti-depressants and counselling but neither had fully helped me. I did try and continue to try to help myself. At the very first sign I was getting this way last year I went straight to my GP and got treated with anti-depressants..unfortunately 1 type didnt work and I became worse..and the other type I tried in January just made me ill with flu like symptoms for weeks on end so I couldnt stick it out any longer. I also had counselling privately but whilst the lady was nice and sympathised with things ive gone through and explained it was natural to be feeling how I was etc..it didnt help me to get better as much as I try the depression keeps coming back (tends to be with every bout of illness).
I miss my friends and it hurts alot they cant put whats happened with the wedding aside and understand I was ill and Id never let a friend down unless I couldnt help it. I honestly thought they would of realised that as I keep explaining. Its like they just drew a line under it and cut me out their lives. They know also I ended up in hospital xmas day etc but it seems they dont want to know or appreciate how ill I was. I just dont know how to get through to them. Ive tried and tried. Other people tell me to just walk away and the counsellor said they cant be real friends to act like that..but ive known them all my life and we have always been close and in each others lives all the time, so I guess thats the hard part.
I know this sounds a bit sad but how did you meet new friends? I have friends at work but most haven't been in touch in the whole time ive been ill so im guessing they aren't friends really and im used to always having my close circle of friends there, but of course what happened has happened and I only have 1 close friend left, but I hardly see her due to her working alot or spending time with the friends who have fell out with me. I found out they went away together recently, saw the picture on my friends facebook..made me sad im no longer part of any of it.
I tried to walk up the road etc just over a week ago to get myself outdoors, but then id ache like mad (steroid withdrawel causes that) and this past week ive struggled to get out of bed until the last few days when Ive been able to have a bath, sit on the sofa for a bit etc but then get tired and ache and have to lie down. The doctors answer is to just up the dosage, but its taken me weeks to reduce it and ive already been on them too long and the side effects are horrible. He doesnt seem to realise thats not a great option as it just sets me further back in getting off them and getting back to work. I guess I have to just wait it out & hope my body sorts itself out.
I wish I knew how to do the thing I know I have to do and let go of things..let go of my feelings for my ex-husband and let go of missing my friends..but right now not a day goes by when I dont wish things were different, miss them all and miss my ex husband the most. I just feel like just over a year ago I had my own home, a husband, friends and basically a life. Now its just me and the 4 walls and its horrible. I like being with people not being like this. I usually have a busy job and it keeps my mind off things..but being away from it so long means when I do finally get back I'll have to build things up from scratch again as my team will be used to the guy covering me etc. I wish my health didnt effect my job so much as I work hard and really put alot of work in to get the promotion and Im a worker not a person who wants to be at home. My health problems are such a pain and cause lots of infections and sometimes I have a good run of 8 months or so with nothing, but then I'll have a bad run like now. Each time it sets me back at work and makes me look unreliable. I started to think of working from home, but that takes time and due to my outgoings I need my salary.
Ah sorry to ramble on...all doom & gloom I know. I just dont know what to try and fix first and nothing so far im managing.Life is dealing out these lemons..& Im struggling to make them lemonade.0 -
I really do think you need to look at an alternative to the drugs as they aren't working for you.
Do look into the Cranial it was a light bulb moment. I also think you should try a different counsellor.
On the whole counsellors will start off being sympathetic in order to get out of you the whole story, then they will start probing to get to the point of the problem and how to change things. It might sound all so gentle and that they aren't doing anything, but very gradually the discussions you have slowly bring you round to what needs to change. Do try another one.
Failing that I wonder if you might have an inbalance in general with your body. I didn't have a chance to read your original thread, but I wonder if having some checks done might help. There is a service, but can't find it during my instant google searches, which basically do a test in some select pharmacies across the country looking at intollerences, that might also help
In terms of my depression I have had to cut out any caffine, sugar and alcohol out of my diet. It has also had an amazing affect.
Also, I know it isn't nice, but one 'friend' told me I had to stop keep telling everyone about my problems. While this isn't nice to be told at the time, it is so true. Try not talking about your problems to people you meet. Just ask questions of others and smile, and act positive and it is amazing how many more friends you will meet this way. People don't want negativity in their lives, they just want positivity. So the key thing is when meeting other people is forget you have problems (easier said than done)0 -
Thanks again for your advice.
I haven't taken any anti-D since early on in the year because although they worked for me a few years ago & helped me alot, this time round they didnt help. My doctor tried upping my dosage but if anything I got worse..yet the same tablets had helped me in the past. The doctor changed my tablets but the new ones made my so ill...im used to having the initial not pleasant start up effects, but this was terrible and made me feel ill for weeks. In the end I came off them because I felt so unwell. I'd had enough of them and managed to return to work. I think it was more a relief to get off them due to the side effects and that in itself gave me a boost. Im worried about going through the merri-go-round all over again and Im already on so much medication for my health that I dont want to put even more into the mix. I guess last time has really put me off them.
You may be right on the counsellor front..she was a lovely lady and helped me to understand things but even understanding doesnt seem to stop me feeling the way I do..I seem to be hanging onto the past and cant seem to forget it..I want the things I had back in my life..friends & my ex. I know those things wont happen but I guess I cant seem to let go of that tiny tiny ounce of hope. How do you let go when you want something so much? She told me im putting too much pressure on myself, that its natural to feel as I do given all thats happened etc..but how do I do something about it? Thats what I wish I knew the answer to.
I think I do have inbalances as im allergic to many things and I eat a dairy/wheat free diet etc to keep it at bay..my body reacts to things alot so I have to be careful what I eat etc. Its hard sticking to such a confined diet at times but I have to. Its odd really I am the heaviest ive ever been and yet my diet is probably as healthy as possible. I think the steroids and other medication have had an effect though I guess. My weight makes me really miserable as I feel ive got huge since the split and I honestly haven't comfort eaten etc I just have been ill alot and not mobile and its taken its toll. It bothers me alot though as I cant see anyone let alone my ex would like me now.
I know you are probably right..as my ex friend said she doesnt want negativity in her life. Its upsetting though as when she has gone through hard times I have always been there for her. Negativity isnt good, but sometimes life hits you hard and its difficult to know how to keep picking yourself up when each time you do you get knocked down again. Its honestly hard to get through each day at the moment but im keeping going. I dont want to be this person, want to be my old self again, really do.Life is dealing out these lemons..& Im struggling to make them lemonade.0
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