Meeting Rev'd Saturday.. ARGH!!

catieeb06

Hey guys, I am just posting in the hope of getting a little information.

Me and OH are meeting the Rev'd who I am hoping will officiate our ceremony.

The thing is, I don't know what he's going to ask me, and I really am scared in case I say something wrong and he ends up not liking us!

Has anyone got any tips? I just want to meet him and hopefully set a date. I can finally do this now that OH has a job after 2 years of being unemployed.

Oh, and also, does anyone have an approximate idea's as to how much it costs for the church hire and vicar etc?

Any help appreciated.

Catie xx

mazinmouse

I wouldn't worry too much in advance - has the Rev outlined what the meeting will cover? Been too long since I got married for me to comment on fees, but maybe they are posted on your church's website?

I still have a quiet smile to myself when I think about preparing for our meeting with the vicar - for some reason I thought he was going to test me on the 7 deadly sins! All I can remember of the meeting is him expressing surprise that both of us had been shortchanged and given only our first names (no middle names) to adorn our surnames.

catieeb06

No information whatsoever. Just so nervous. I'm a churchgoer but my OH is not.

bylromarha

If I remember ( it was about 11 years ago) he sits you down, fixes the date in the church diary, goes through the ceremony style you'd like, any particular wants (and associated costs), ensures you understand the seriousness of the commitment, tells you when the banns will be read (in case you want to be there) and confirms identity you've given. Fees are here

We never had much chat about faith, but that's because vicar knew we were active members of the church in OHs town (got married in my home town). He invited us to take part in some marriage preparation courses - we did them with the church we were part of. highly recommend them - makes you think about the marriage rather than the wedding.

So it's the time you request the bells, organist etc. More of an admin meeting than a test if that's your concern!

vodooelephant

They come in (or are you going to them?)

Give them a cup of tea or somthing stronger..... ours surprised us but acepting a cider

Had a nice chitty chat what kind of things we were expecting.... (i had to ASK to have my dad "give me away" as it is common around here that the congragatuion (Sp) does it.:eek:

Really lovley chat with him... he retired 3 days before my DD christening so couldn't do that - he also looked very much like captin birdseye

It was the 6 weeks of weding lessons that really threw us......

MrsManda

I wouldn't worry. Other than when we'd like to get married, our vicar just wanted to make sure that we'd discussed things like money, working life, living area and children (do we want them or not, when).

Basically making sure we'd discussed things rather than presuming that the other person felt the same about the important things. Apparently it's surprising how many people don't discuss these things prior to marriage and come unstuck afterwards when they discover that their OH wants children then they definitely don't, or one half thinks all money earned by either should be shared, whereas the other half thinks that apart from shared expenses what they earn should belong to them only. Or whatever.

sueeve

I always include
'Is there anything that you are keeping from the other which you would not want to come to light? If so talk about it now ie not with me around, but later. Big secrets are not the basis for a marriage'

A general idea is to talk about the past, the present and the future. Getting you to talk to each other, not to the priest. S/he is there to support you. Talking about your own upbringing can bring out presumptions you make about family life based on your own experience. But your partner's experience will be different.

Practical things are sometimes dealt with in a separate meeting. Date, organist booked etc first, then chat. Later on practicalities like hymns, readings, etc. It should all be a very pleasant experience.

Yiou have been given a link to the basic fees. There will be extras, not only flowers, choir/ organist? but sometimes the church itself for extra utilities, cleaning etc. If there is a supplementary fee you have the right to ask for a breakdown. Most churches will have a retiring collection (plate by the door, voluntary). Most churches are on an absolute shoestring budget, and the collection at the end of baptisms and weddings can keep the place open with the services of a priest. But I have always forbidden the plate until after the bridal party have gone out!

**confuzzled**

We got married 2 years ago in hubbies local church and I was nervous like you and like another OP thought I was gonna be quizzed on the books of the bible:o I was sooooo wrong:D

We went round at the drop in evening the church has to ask to be married there, got accepted and then possibly a week later we went for a chat with the vicar & my cheque book as I thought they may need a deposit so they knew we were serious(turned out this was a good idea;)). The things we all talked about was our relationship, how long we'd been together, how we met, family backgrounds, why we wanted to get married in his church(DH isn't exactly an avid church goer & we'd chosen my DHs childhood church rather than the one in our Parish, coz I didn't like it or the vicar:o)...um, we also discussed Banns being read, if we'd like a reading, if so by who?(we chose the vicar!) the type of hymns we'd may like(vicar may give you suggestions/list if you're not sure) we then arranged to be contacted further down the line to arrange the marriage preperation classes(Highly recommended:D).

Oh we paid a deposit of £100 at this meeting but the total cost of using the church(& heating), vicar, bells, organ, flowers(we used the flowers that were to be used for Sundays service, I just spoke to the person who dealt with it to ask for maybe a few more pink ones than normal;)) was £525 however it varies a lot from area to area, my sister looked at a church wedding and it would've cost them £650 for all the above!!!! They had a civil service instead;):)

Good luck for the meeting:) I'm sure all will be fine x

Gloomendoom

As others have said, there is nothing to be nervous about. He/she will probably recommend that you both attend marriage preparation classes before your wedding. They are good idea, although my wife would have have preferred a little more time spent on topics like children, rather than the 'evils' of pornography within the marriage.

catieeb06

What are marriage preparation classes?

I think we will be ok, we've covered children but both decided that we are a bit young but would be happy if they came along now or on 5 years.

Thanks

bylromarha

catieeb06 wrote: »

What are marriage preparation classes?

I think we will be ok, we've covered children but both decided that we are a bit young but would be happy if they came along now or on 5 years.

Thanks

Marriage prep is a fantastic way for you and your partner to think about and talk about a lot of the things that are likely to come up throughout your marriage, and how you can prepare for a lifetime of working on your commitment rather than come up against a problem and give up as you have no idea how to deal with it.

We support engaged couples at our church and use this material
It covers a wide range of topics like communication, finances, having a good argument, lifelong sex, in laws, how to best show love to the other and other things. It helps couples realise that you have to be a team to make a marriage work through everything life throws at you.