How do you persuade your kids to be moneysaving too?

Eliza_2

Title says it all really. My son and his wife are in debt at the moment, they're just about keeping their heads above water by borrowing from Pete to pay Paul, but it can't go on for ever. His wife reads some of these forums avidly (tho not the silver savers one!!) and has reclaimed bank charges and done a few other 'big stuff' things, however they don't seem to get it that the small stuff counts for a lot too. I visited their house shortly after they'd done a big tesco shop this week and the fridge is full of lovely prepared unusal salads and expensive meats and cheeses and wine and so on. They believe that however poor they are they won't compromise on food - they cook lots from scratch and love trying different recipes. Their house is a tip (tho' clean) there's plaster off the walls etc. and their car needs work doing. If they only bought cheaper food - the cooking from scratch and recipe-trying is wonderful but perfectly possible with cheaper and fewer ingredients, they could pay back the debts and spend on other things. They also don't do things like close doors to keep the room warm in winter, wear more clothes so cheaper gas and all the other millions of other old-style and commonsense things. If I make suggestions I feel like a nagging mother or mother in law and it makes no difference.

So suggestions please on how to show them the error of their ways (is there a tongue in cheek smiley on here?!!)

Liz

margaretclare

To some extent I agree with them about 'not compromising on food' but, as you say, it depends what they mean by 'not compromising'. Did you happen to see Delia Smith advertising recipes for a 'quick supper at half-time' recently? It seemed that she'd chosen the most way-out ingredients, some I'd never even heard of - a special kind of ham, for instance. We'd never buy such things.

Cooking from scratch is good, what you describe - the ingredients etc - is not good. To me, being moneysaving starts with a realistic budget, not just going out and buying whatever you fancy never mind what it costs.

BTW we plan to go shopping tomorrow afternoon. With the experience of what happened when England played Slovenia last week, the shopping areas, roads, town centres will be deserted and we can whizz round unimpeded.

moonrakerz

How do you make water flow uphill ????

(That's got to be easier !)

chesky369

All budgeting is a matter of priorities and different people choose to spend their money in different ways. Some insist on two major holidays abroad a year, others spend a fortune on doing up their houses and others on going out to restaurants, theatre and concerts. Your son chooses to spend his money on food. So? He could be spending it on gambling and booze - things could be a lot worse. They probably criticise your choice of spending also but it's not their business, is it?

Eliza_2

chesky369 wrote: »

All budgeting is a matter of priorities and different people choose to spend their money in different ways. Some insist on two major holidays abroad a year, others spend a fortune on doing up their houses and others on going out to restaurants, theatre and concerts. Your son chooses to spend his money on food. So? He could be spending it on gambling and booze - things could be a lot worse. They probably criticise your choice of spending also but it's not their business, is it?

Of course they can choose how to spend their own money as they choose, but at the moment they don't live on their own money, they are in a considerable amount of debt, so much so that they are thinking of how to hand in the keys to the house and find somewhere rented, which with 3 children won't be easy. If they made some slight changes in budget they wouldn't be faced with that dilemma and could live within their means but they don't see it, and I'm not going to start meddling, though it's because of my slight hints that they found this site and claimed back bank charges.

I blame myself, as a mother I was queen of leftover leftovers, and could always make a million and one family meals for a pound so I suppose it's the backlash from that! Children always want to do the opposite of us.

Liz

Eliza_2

margaretclare wrote: »

BTW we plan to go shopping tomorrow afternoon. With the experience of what happened when England played Slovenia last week, the shopping areas, roads, town centres will be deserted and we can whizz round unimpeded.

Oh no, I'd forgotten about that!! Thank goodness for you, and hopefully others. I work in a shop on Sundays and the thought of not having any customers for a couple of hours is dire, would much rather be busy.

Liz

margaretclare

Eliza wrote: »

Of course they can choose how to spend their own money as they choose, but at the moment they don't live on their own money, they are in a considerable amount of debt, so much so that they are thinking of how to hand in the keys to the house and find somewhere rented, which with 3 children won't be easy. If they made some slight changes in budget they wouldn't be faced with that dilemma and could live within their means but they don't see it, and I'm not going to start meddling, though it's because of my slight hints that they found this site and claimed back bank charges.

I blame myself, as a mother I was queen of leftover leftovers, and could always make a million and one family meals for a pound so I suppose it's the backlash from that! Children always want to do the opposite of us.

Liz

What you describe is serious. Much more than just 'not compromising on food'. It's perfectly possible to make good, nutritious meals with basic ingredients that are easily-available, but you know that already. If that was me, faced with the possibility/probability of losing my home, I'd live on beans on toast or baked potatoes with cheese - and I've done just that, in the past! Because to me, the roof over my head was of greatest importance. Your family are being highly irresponsible, risking homelessness not only for themselves but for their children. They will have to pay off their arrears somehow, and do they think that a rented house will be any cheaper? A private landlord may require a deposit.

This is all far more serious than the question about food - although, as I've said, the first thing to go would be the expensive food, imported luxury items, wine (!!) and a return to e.g. meaty stews made from the cheapest cuts and using vegetables in season.

DH and I spend approx £70-£80 a week on food and we eat well. We don't think we skimp on anything, but equally, we don't drink wine except maybe once a year, we don't buy expensive imported meats etc and we shop as locally as we can - the local butcher and baker (although DH complains that their wholemeal bread is too 'more-ish'!) I suppose it would be cheaper not to get doorstep milk, but we like to. However, there are choices....and choices. And your family are in desperate straits.

To answer your original question, what can you do? I really don't know. I have no answers to that.

LindsayO

well maybe you could get them interested in "traditional home-cooking" that focused on inexpensive meal preparation, could you get chatting with your DIL and talk about some great recipes you would like to share, and not focus so much on the money saving aspect of it

I know, pretty lousy suggestion, but all I can think of, luckily my two daughters are very money-saving, buy clothes from charity shops, have a bunch of friends who know how to have fun without spending lots of cash etc. It is hard to know what to do for the best in any area when you see your adult children making choices that you feel are mistakes.

Nenen

How about suggesting they use Martin's 'Demotivator'?

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/protect/demotivator/

Farway

OP, be careful how you go, or you could end up seen by them as "interfering mother in law"

chesky369

Just caught up with this again - the problem is much worse than your original post implied.

The problem with people in debt is very often they just won't admit to it even to themselves because it's gotten so out of hand that they can't see their way round it. So any suggestion of saving £10 or £20 here or there is met with lack of interest, because they can't see how doing that will change say £30,000 of debt. I do initial debt advising at Citizens' Advice and we constantly have people coming with carrier bags full of unopened bills, letters, etc. They're terrified (as probably your son and his wife are) but it takes something drastic to make them come to us, like bailiffs at the door, or having their car towed away. The best thing to do is tell them that there is help available and it's NEVER too late to do something. The fear is ALWAYS worse than the reality once it's been addressed.