How to behave ?

TeetersOnHeels

For the last 2yrs I've had a job I've loved, making lots of new friends. I'm doing the same job as I've always done, but in a different place - before I was at the same place for 17yrs. At the previous place a bloke at work pestered & pestered me to go out with him.Usually by text, sometimes email at work. (He had a girlfriend, who worked in the same large office as I did). Instead of telling him to 'do one' in no uncertain terms, I let him down gently, saying I didn't see people at work, especially if they were already with someone.
Six months before I left for my new job, the GF discovered my name in his contacts on his phone, and he told her I was the one pestering him. It caused a lot of discomfort where I was working, even though her friend told her the truth about what had actually happened. I knew I was leaving anyway, and just let it die a death - although I couldn't bring myself to speak to him - for fear of saying something I'd live to regret.
Fast forward 2yrs, and on Monday this bloke is starting work where I now work. He's been promoted, and will effectively be one of my managers....I still want to rip his head off, and don't know if I'll actually be able to bring myself to speak to him - I know I should've dealt with this at the time..But back then I thought I'd never have to clap eyes on him any time soon

LJM

it has obviously affected you quite badly if it still worries you 2 years on, i would have to say personally i wouldnt mention it at work or to him,but dont consider leaving your job he has made you do that once already, just try to keep your distance, probably easier said than done i hope it goes ok for you

RadoJo

If he makes any written reference to anything that went on before, keep it and take it to your HR department - he shouldn't have been allowed to get away with it before, although I understand your reasoning for letting it blow over, but now that he's in a position of authority, any inappropriate conduct is even more of a potential problem and should be dealt with immediately.
Good luck - it sounds like a very stressful situation, but bear in mind that if you let him get to you, he's won and try to remember what a pathetic creep he is!

TeetersOnHeels

Thanks for the replies..
He didn't make me leave my job, I'd already applied before this happened - was just waiting for a start date.
My boss at the time new what had happened, and basically didn't want me to 'rock the boat' in the office. He is now working with me again, and has admitted he was wrong by trying to keep the peace in the office.
I shouldn't really have that much day to day contact with him - although it's a small place and we're bound to bump into each other. He's a bit of a slime ball really..casts his net far & wide, just on the off chance he'll get a nibble!!

pigpen

I'd say you had a good case for sexual harrassment should he start up again I would be draging his sorry @r$e in front of a tribunal!!! Even more so if he is now to be one of your managers!!

I certainly wouldn't be worrying about it, I'd be putting a plan in place just in case it happens again!

I would possibly embarrass him in front of other members of staff by openly and loudly confronting him and askng him to justify himself.. especially if you have email/text evidence!!

meritaten

hun, you say your boss is aware of the situation? just avoid the guy if you can - you may well find he avoids YOU. Treat him as you would any new colleague - he may well be aware he is on thin ice. take each day as it comes - but keep a record of any dealings with him!
I do hope he has turned over a new leaf - and you can have an amicable WORKING relationship!
not easy I know given his past with you. but you are a professional arent you? show the boss how professional you are! keep cool hun!

Person_one

Your boss doesn't sound very supportive! Are you in a male dominated environment?

My advice would be to stay professional and squeaky clean, as RadoJo says keep any e-mails, texts, voicemails etc as possible future evidence but don't respond other than to ask him to please not contact you on matters unrelated to work. You've already made it very clear to him that you are not interested.

Hopefully he'll have learnt his lesson and will behave himself this time, but steel yourself just in case he hasn't changed his spots.

diable

Keep a diary a copy of any emails and texts but be polite at all times.

Spirit_2

You didnot make a complaint of harassment in your last work place so you cannot mention it now to your new employer and expect them to act on it.

If his conduct is in anyway iannapproriate in your new employer make a record of it, ask him to desist .....if he continuous with the unwanted behaviour and you have two or three instances your employer will be in a good position to respond to a complaint.

Good luck

BitterAndTwisted

Actually, it's really, really fortunate that you didn't tear this jerk's head off when you could have in the past. Now, he's got no reason to behave anything other than completely professionally towards you and you should do likewise. It's quite handy that your boss in the old job is working with you again so knows the lie of the land as it were. I think the past-pesterer now has a bit more to lose than you do by behaving like he did before so I doubt that you should anticipate a replay of past events. Maybe the fool has learned his lesson and won't want to risk the new job in any way.

If he does make any overtures of any kind I would suggest that you email him something like "I thought I'd already made it perfectly clear when we worked together at Company X that I had no personal interest in you whatsoever so I would ask you again to keep any contact with me on a strictly professional basis only". That way, you might be able to introduce the concept that he's a repeat-pesterer even if your boss or HR won't be able to formally take it into account IYSWIM.

Mupette

Good advice from everyone...

But what if he turns this around and makes like hell and makes out you are carp at your job as payback?

Is there anyone you can speak to (HR) so that they have it on record about the past just incase he takes a dislike (workwise) to you?