Help to combat insecurities..

GEEGEE8

Hey everyone,

I'm feeling very insecure recently, probably started about 2-3 weeks ago.

My boyfriend hasn't done anything to warrant this. The only thing I can think is that I was made redundant 5 weeks ago and I've been quite stressed about it.

I keep having awful thoughts, feel a constant need for reassurance (altho I'm supressing this), and just generally keep having thoughts popping into my head that aren't pleasant.

I'm just trying to start off my career, after being at college this year, and had an interview on tuesday that looks promising. I recently went for a good job but didn't get it, which has knocked my confidence a lot.

Please can anyone help with these feelings? It doesn't help that I keep reading stories of people having affairs etc. I 100% trust boyfriend, but the ones that are worse are the 20yrs together ones, I keep thinking that might be me one day.

I know I'm silly, don't be too harsh on me

gonzo127

your not being silly, of course you are going to be feeling a bit insecure as you are currently jobless and i can understand how that could make you feel insecure about everything else.

unfortunatly i dont have any advise about how to make yourself feel better other than time and getting a new job whichyou are trying to do - which is a great thing as you are still trying.

the only other thing i might suggest but which depends very much on yoru realitionship and your boyfriend who you know best, is to actually talk to him about you feeling down, so even if he cant put your insecurties to bed at least he will have a reason why you might be a bit more defensive with some things than you would normally be

anyways just stick with it things will get better and it really is natural to question other things when you are feeling low

GEEGEE8

Thank you..

I've never felt like this before, I've always been the strong and confident one

I've talked to him and he understands and yesterday and today has rang me for 5-10 mins on his lunch break. Although, nothing seems to get rid of the downers.

He just rang which was nice, said he didn't know if he was working tomorrow morning or not yet. My mum is up this weekend and he is meeting mum and partner for dinner and maybe skiing in the evening. I said, what is going to happen if you aren't working, and he said I dunno, so I mentioned that I was thinking of taking them to a local attraction on Saturday daytime. He's not keen on coming and just want to meet for the meal and skiing.

Part of me is upset (to the point where I'm teary).. and another part of me thinks that I totally understand he doesn't want to spend too much time with in-laws.

I didn't say anything to him though, I just know it's my problems that are making me feel like this and I don't want to push him away by moaning or getting upset all the time. I just think it would have been really nice to have spent the day together with my mum and her partner. They live 150 miles away so we don't see them often, and BF has only met my mum once in 18 months.

brians_daughter

Maybe the fact that hes only met them once in 18 months is the reason he doesnt want to spend all the time with you? If they live so far away its possible he wants you to spend time alone with them at this stressful time.

Lossing your job was /is stressful. Stress does funny things to the brain. Try reading up on stress and its symptoms and simple breathing techniques that will assist you

Good luck with the job, i am sure you will be great!

GEEGEE8

I have been down to visit recently, so he knows I've had time with them alone.

I think he is just nervous, he said he doesn't want awkward silences, so I just said don't be silly lol - I know that he isn't the most sociable person, neither am I.

He just text me a lovely message to say he will ask his boss when he's back to see if he's working tomorrow.

I must admit, this stress thing has really done me over this time. I do hope I get the job.

clairehi

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

I was made redundant 5 weeks ago and I've been quite stressed about it.

I bet you have - being made redundant is a horrible thing to happen and causes so much anxiety. It can really knock your confidence badly, and then you start to question whether other things in your life like your relationship are safe either. In other words you wonder what is going to go wrong next? Its perfectly natural.

Sometimes if you are trying to stay calm and rationalise about the thing that has gone wrong, the bad feelings can bubble up from under in another area of your life.

Be careful though not to lean too heavily on the BF, men are not always the greatest listeners and its hard sometimes to carry someone else's worries as well as your own. if you can confide in a female friend or your mum that might help share the load a bit.

GEEGEE8

Thanks Claire..

I've had one emotional outburst, but he was be insensitive considering things that are affecting me and has since apologised. Altho, I said from the start that I'm upset over everything, not just him.

Apart from that, I have asked for some more support and he has been a lot better at just keeping in touch and stuff (we don't live together).

I have had to stop myself moaning or saying the silly insecurities to him because he hasn't done anything wrong and shouldn't suffer my insecurities.

Feel like I'm turning into a jelous and possesive person, all because I lost my job. Madness. I've not said anything to BF about the jealous and possesive part, as he doesn't do anything for me to be jealous about. He works in a male dominated environment, doesn't have female friends, lives at home etc etc.. I am the one with male friends and will be going to work in a male dominated environment.

January20

I'm confused. In the thread below you explain a lot more about your boyfriend's behaviour and attitude. You know what he is like. What has changed?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2527233

GEEGEE8

January20 wrote: »

I'm confused. In the thread below you explain a lot more about your boyfriend's behaviour and attitude. You know what he is like. What has changed?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2527233

Well, by the end of that thread you will see that I took on board more responsibility for the issues I began the thread with.

I talked things through with him since then and his behaviour and attitude has improved quite a bit I'm pleased to say.

This thread is more about silly insecurities and thoughts that I'm having personally at the moment.

January20

And looking at the last post, it also descended into sillyness sadly, that thread didn't it?

elfen

Hun, you're stressed through losing your job, a major part of your life, and of course this is going to bring up insecurities, not just about what has happened, but in other areas of your life too. It's OK to admit this, it happens to everyone at some point, some worse than others. I think BF is also a bit intimidated by your family, and having only met them once, felt that you should have time alone with them to help sort you out a bit more - not that he doesn't want to be there (as he's shown by seeing if he has tomorrow off to spend with you) but because he doesn't want to add to your troubles by you having to worry about him and what your family think of him too.

And it does seem like the last thread descended into stupidity, at the end of the day it's all about compromise, and I know the incident in the thread won't be helping you right now either, but take a deep breath and only read the useful from it, and ignore all the weirdos who posted for kicks.