Fear/phobia of driving - advice needed

scaredofdriving

Not really sure if this is the best place to put this but I couldn't find a section more appropriate.

Well, I am in my mid-thirties, female with a child and another on the way.

I passed my driving test a few months ago (3rd time lucky) after learning on and off for about 2 years.

The problem is that I have not yet driven alone. I am absolutely petrified and I think I have developed a phobia. I can drive with someone else in the car with me (even though I am a neurotic wreck even then).

This is seriously affecting my confidence and I feel so ashamed and it is really wrecking my life. I am just petrified of going out driving on my own (especially as I will have to have my toddler in the backseat).

Has anyone else experienced this and overcome it and if so, how did you do it? I really need to drive, it is so useful and when the baby comes I will really need to be able to do it on my own.

Thank you.

flippin36

Hi, Yes it is something you need to get control of before the baby comes. There is no point in spending all that money and time then not be able to drive on your own. It also makes life so much easier when you have a baby to be able to have the freedom to get out and do different things.

When I passed my test I didn't have a phobia, but it kind of felt wrong, and I worried I was going to do something wrong or not be able to handle a tricky situation on my own. I got a babysitter and drove for miles on my own, music on, choosing quieter country roads then moved on to busier situations, then horror of horrors other cities and motorways. Better doing it when you don't have children in the car until you have got your confidence.

Have you thought about pass plus?

BTW it took me around 6 months until I felt like a natural driver. My friend said it took her about a year before she could relax driving, so I don't think its that unusual.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Pass plus, motorway lessons, advanced driving course....you'll get used to it in the end, but it could be due to you not feeling 100% able to twist and move with bump getting in the way, kicking and generally distracting you. Even the baby's pressure on your diaphragm can give a butterflies like feeling not unlike anxiety.

So it might not be you at all. It could be baby's fault!

I think you will probably be best taking a few nightime drives - quiet roads, you can see people coming from miles off from their lights, less to make you anxious.

fav77

Hiya OP, sorry to hear about your anxiety. I passed my test just under 2 years ago after having put off learning to drive until I was 30 and had 3 kids! It does make life MUCH easier but I totally understand where you are coming from - its a massive responsibility driving your precious babies around and I would echo the other posters in that the best thing to do is drive as much as you possibly can on your own. I was very lucky and drove up and down the country on L plates with my partner supervising so I was fairly confident before I passed my test. The first few hundred miles on your own are a different matter though!

All I can say is stick with it, I used to be a bag of nerves but am now confident to drive anywhere at any time!

Do you think your hormones may be affecting your confidence? I only ask because at certain times of the month I get really flustered while driving and do stupid things like leaving the handbrake off or forgetting to lock the car (duh!) - I dont know anyone else this happens to but it is a definate thing for me. And pregnancy hormones are 100s of times more powerful than TOTM hormones!!

All the best xxx

Almo

Hi scaredofdriving,

I just passed my test a couple of weeks ago and totally understand how you feel! Where I live, drivers are required to display 'P' plates of varying colours after passing their tests to make other drivers aware but I just feel like it makes me more of a target!

I had no choice but to jump straight in as my partner has been temporarily incapacitated and we run a business which requires visiting peoples homes. I think this has been great for me and would advise you as much as possible, to just do it. As someone else said, you could start by just driving round the block, then a little further and a little further. I find that I get flustered in areas I'm unfamiliar with because I need more time than experienced drivers to plan where I'm going and how I'll get there - don't put yourself in that position until you're totally confident in your local area.

You wouldn't have passed if you weren't capable

hethmar

Its really not unusual. I remember being terrified when I first drove alone and pretending the car had broken down when I got too panicky and just pulled over

I still hate motorways, Im terrified of all those huge lorries coming up from behind or to the side of me.

Start doing little journeys on your own. Like from your house to the local shop and back. Have the radio on so you have a bit of distraction from your anxiety. You will become more confident for sure.

lostkelly

Hi, i passed my test a almost a year ago now and i know how you feel, i am 27 and felt the need to learn to drive.
It was weird driving on my own to start with but i actually feel more nervous when people are with me. I drive to work everyday but it is only a short distance but it does help me build my confidence up. I've been doing lots of driving at night when its quieter on the roads to get used to the car. Also when a passenger in other cars pretend your driving and think what would you do, would i have pulled out at the roundabout then?, what gear should i be in?, what speed should i be at?, etc. I feel i am getting better but it all takes time. It isnt just driving, it's dealing with other motorists. Someone pulled out on me the other week and that shook me up, but the fact i dealt with it gave me confidence that i can actually drive. Saying that i still havent driven on the motorway yet and am hoping i feel confident enough to do it soon. Take it slowly and don't feel rushed into it because that won't put you at ease, I'm sure you will get there in time.
I hope you build up your confidence soon because you will enjoy driving when your comfortable with it.
Take care

scaredofdriving

Thank you for all your replies so far.

I wanted to add two things.

One is that I passed and then very soon after got pregnant so I don't feel like I have had any time to just get used to driving without worryng about my baby (even apart from my toddler).

About 7 years ago I was in a serious car crash (as a passenger) in Europe in which the car that I was in was driven into a brick wall at very fast speed and smashed the wall and the car was written off. Luckily we both had seatbelts on but we would have gone through the windscreen otherwise and I suffered from quite bad whiplash for which I was hospitalised overnight. I don't think this has really contributed to my fear as I was never that interested in driving, but I wonder if it has subconsciously affected how I think about cars, since the car seemed to lose control (something similar to what happened with Toyota) although this was not a Toyota car.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

scaredofdriving wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies so far.

I wanted to add two things.

One is that I passed and then very soon after got pregnant so I don't feel like I have had any time to just get used to driving without worryng about my baby (even apart from my toddler).

About 7 years ago I was in a serious car crash (as a passenger) in Europe in which the car that I was in was driven into a brick wall at very fast speed and smashed the wall and the car was written off. Luckily we both had seatbelts on but we would have gone through the windscreen otherwise and I suffered from quite bad whiplash for which I was hospitalised overnight. I don't think this has really contributed to my fear as I was never that interested in driving, but I wonder if it has subconsciously affected how I think about cars, since the car seemed to lose control (something similar to what happened with Toyota) although this was not a Toyota car.

Could be. I had my neck broken for me by a driver whilst I was on a motorbike. Only learning to drive now, 15 years later, because it took over 5 years to learn to tie my shoelaces without falling over and 10 more to decide I'm fed up with waiting for the piggin' bus in the rain. Even now, I've got peripheral nerve damage which will never come back - I can only feel the gearstick with my thumb and first two fingers on the left hand. But I was cleared to drive, so I'm sure it will be fine. Just have to be careful of my neck and try and gradually increase flexibility rather than force it.

Trouble is, my head still thinks I'm on the bike, so I still have the urge to bail out when someone comes belting towards me, forgetting that I am enclosed in a big metal box. I also get hung up on what other people are going to do and dislike people waiting to enter a road when I'm driving along because I'm used to them pulling out on me.


Because I never learned to drive, my feet only came into contact with pedals when they were attached to a kick drum, so I do silly things like look, indicate, brake and acknowledge drivers all at the same time, as it sounds rubbish if you miss the beat .

It's just going to take time. And I find very quiet music (loud is a nightmare) that I can sing along to helps on practice trips. Although singing to Pinball Wizard is quite disconcerting for both other drivers and the person supervising me!

It's all good, and it will give you so much freedom when you get used to it. If you could leave the LOs with your OH whilst you go and get nappies at night, for example, you'll probably find it easier!

Mags30

I used to think it was just me. No children so different situation to the OP but I was almost 30 learning to drive as well. Didn't do it until after I bought my house because when I rented there was nowhere to park a car. I was so scared for a long time, used to think about it for 20 minutes before I'd even get in the car to drive somewhere.

It's hard to say what point it got easier but one day you will find that you are sitting in the car thinking about where you have to be, what you need to buy at Tesco and you'll realise you aren't thinking about what gear you should be in anymore. I don't think there's an easy solution to the fear, you just have to keep doing it, the worst thing you could do is give up, especially if you are a stay at home mum, being able to get out for a few hours will be a lifesaver for you.

Go to shopping centres around 10 or 11 am Monday-Wednesday i.e the quiet times when there's loads of space for parking. Park where it's easy, usually a bit of a walk from the main door. I still do this because I'm not great at parking.

I'm still trying to improve my skills but now that the fear is gone I actually enjoy driving, one day you will too.

Mags30

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

If you could leave the LOs with your OH whilst you go and get nappies at night, for example, you'll probably find it easier!

That's a good idea. I hated going out to practice driving but if I had a purpose like a specific place I needed to go to get a specific thing I was more motivated, better than driving around in circles and going nowhere.