Cover Letter check

altin_2

Hi.
This will be my first real Graduate job opportunity, and I'm trying to be on top of it.
Anyway.....
Will someone check my covering letter for any grammar mistakes please.
Thanks in advance. Here it is:

Sir/Madame

Following the Presentation and Networking Evening on 14 June 2010, I’m writing to apply for the Java Software Engineer – Graduate Scheme.
The opportunity the scheme present is really interesting and I find myself in possession of qualities and qualifications you are looking for. The presentation itself was miles away of what I have seen so far: you have raised the bar for this kind of events.
Also thank you for giving us the opportunity to have a chat with ........... Employees, from what I learned they have a good experience working for .......... and are proud of it. The “work hard – play hard” saying I heard from some of them, suit me perfectly.
I have finished my Computer Science BSc degree with Java being one of my strongest subjects. As mentioned in application form, I already have started studying for the Sun’s SCJP Certificate and have already received a discount E-Voucher for the exam.
Please find attached my CV for further consideration.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
I REALLY look forward to speaking with you about this opportunity.

Yours faithfully,
Name Surname

Lokolo

Madame = FRENCH

Sir/Madam,

RE: Graduate Scheme - Java Software Engineer

Following the Presentation and Networking Evening on 14 June 2010, I’m writing to apply for the position above.
The opportunity the scheme present is really interesting and I find myself in possession of qualities and qualifications you are looking for. The presentation itself was extremely impressive relative to what I have seen so far and you have raised the bar for these kind of events.
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to have a chat with ........... Employees, from what I learned they have a good experience working for .......... and are proud of it. The “work hard – play hard” saying I heard from some of them, suit me perfectly.
I have finished my BSc Computer Science with Java being one of my strongest subject areas. As mentioned in application form, I already have started studying for the Sun’s SCJP Certificate and am planning on taking the exam soon.
Please find attached my C.V.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
I really look forward to speaking with you about this opportunity.

Yours faithfully,
Name Surname

---

Honestly, I don't feel as though it is a strong covering letter. The red bits I would leave out.

You haven't really said as to why you want to work with the company apart from what other employees have said. Is the company small or big? If it's big, then reputation is a good one to go for. If it's small.... no idea. But if you are applying you need to make sure you want the job. Why do you want this job.

atypical

altin wrote: »

Will someone check my covering letter for any grammar mistakes please.
Thanks in advance. Here it is:

I think it needs some work. Probably best you try giving it a rewrite and maybe post again. Few things I thought:

Dear Sir/Madam[strike]e[/strike]
Can you remember the relevant name from the event you attended?

You'll want a "Re: Blah blah" heading here.

Following the Presentation and Networking Evening on 14 June 2010, I’m writing to apply for the Java Software Engineer – Graduate Scheme.
The opportunity the scheme presents is really interesting and I find myself not sure "find myself" is the best choice of wording here, almost sounds as if you accidentally acquired the qualities you're referring to in possession of qualities and qualifications you are looking for. Can you give reasons why/concrete examples?

The presentation [STRIKE]itself[/STRIKE] was miles away a bit too colloquial perhaps? of what I have seen so far: you have raised the bar for [STRIKE]this[/STRIKE] these kind of events. Do you need to say this at all?
Also thank you for giving us the opportunity to have a chat with too colloquial again? ........... Employees, from what I learned they have a good experience working for .......... and are proud of it. The “work hard – play hard” [STRIKE]saying[/STRIKE] ethic I heard from some of them, suits me perfectly.
I have finished my Computer Science BSc degree with Java being one of my strongest subjects. As mentioned in my application form, I already have started studying for the Sun’s SCJP Certificate and have already received a discount E-Voucher for the exam this voucher thing seems a bit random are you sure it's relevant?.
Please find attached my CV for further consideration.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
I [STRIKE]REALLY[/STRIKE] look forward to speaking with you about this opportunity. Maybe 'I look forward to hearing from you' instead?

Yours faithfully,
Name Surname

Lokolo

Dear Sir/Madam,

RE: Software Engineer - Industrial Placement (Job Number: xxxxxx)

I am writing in interest to the above position which will be available in the summer of 2009. Coming from a Computing background, becoming a good programmer is what I want to be and I feel as though so far through my degree in Computer Games Programming I have gained a lot of knowledge in all concepts of a programmer’s career, from designing to testing.

When I graduate I want to have the skills to make me a good software developer and working for X will help me improve in my software development skills. I know working for X I will be doing work which will help me improve my interpersonal skills as well as my technical skills. X has previously worked on improving systems for big companies such as A, B and C which I would like to be a part of.

As you can see from my university first year results I have a lot of strengths in the programming side of which we have been learning C and Java. This year so far I feel as though I will do just as well in C++ and C# as well as continue in Java. My other results are also very good and I feel as though this placement would be ideal to help me do better in my final year.

I do hope you see that I will be an invaluable employee and will contribute to X’s continuing success.

Yours faithfully,

---

I used this last year. Read through this to give you an idea. Don't just copy and paste as it won't suit you!

altin_2

Guys.
I REALLY DO APPRECIATE YOUR HELP.
Will do the alterations you mentioned.
Thank you.

altin_2

Can you remember the relevant name from the event you attended?

I have the name as she send an e-mail with information about the presentation. But she said that applications will be checked by a team.
Should I address the letter to her? And she is Graduate Recruitment Manager.

Thanks

elfen

Ok...
It's Madam, not Madame - that's French.
Is there a need for a hyphen between the Engineer and Graduate, or should it read 'Java Software Engineer Graduate Scheme' (also, this reads better)
'Also, thank you" - remove the Also
'them, suit me' - should be suits me
The bit about the degree - cut off everything on that after 'one of my strongest subjects' - also, change it so it reads 'where Java was one of my stronger areas'

That should help

Blacksheep1979

Try avoid using 'I' too much in a cover letter.

Oldernotwiser

Don't use abbreviations like "I'm"; write "I am" in full. In fact, it's generally too chatty and colloquial in style for what should be a formal letter.

atypical

altin wrote: »

I have the name as she send an e-mail with information about the presentation. But she said that applications will be checked by a team.
Should I address the letter to her? And she is Graduate Recruitment Manager.

Thanks

I'd go with the name. I think a personalised letter always looks better than a generic one.

altin_2

I'd go with the name. I think a personalised letter always looks better than a generic one.

But how about the title?
Mrs,Ms,???