Need some advice please - loan against house

pimento

I should send him a link to this thread and some of the excellent answers you have had.

Catblue

What a shame. But you know you've done the right thing.

I don't think that they are bad people, I just think they reacted badly in a desperate situation for them and that they are not seeing things clearly at the moment. Let the dust settle a bit, I say.

Leave it a couple of days and then email them or write to them and offer your help with the move or whatever else needs doing practically. Apologise for offering the money in the first place and say that you hope it doesn't come between your friendship. Then you'll have to leave it up to them whether they respond or not.

They were obviously hugely disappointed but might even feel a bit relieved in a few days. It is horrible to owe a friend some money, particularly if you are not sure when you can get it back to them.

It was extremely nice of you to offer the money in the first place - a true friend. Maybe they'll remember that when they've calmed down a bit.

ILW

These people seem to basing their lifestyle entirely around benefits and people dying. Not sure I would want them as friends.

fimonkey

Well said ILW, £1200pm in benefits? With no mortgage to pay? Where do I sign up? ....

Jowo_2

Snooze wrote: »

Thanks all.

Well, I went round last night and broke it to him. Probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. Not surprisingly it didn't go down well and I am now the biggest bast@rd in the entire world and have been 'disowned' as a friend for doing this. Of course he doesn't see that my lending him the money would have..

Better to lose a 'friendship' now, one where it was assumed you'd be happy to be exploited like his mother and the benefits system, than lose a friendship and 10k. If you think back, you'll probably now realise how often they pimped off others and didn't reciprocate with favours.

I went through a similar experience with a friend when I challenged her for going on a 3 week holiday to Asia when her relatives and friends were supporting their living expenses and paying for repairs for her flat and car, phone bills, decoration.

She didn't see any issue in swanning off on a long haul holiday when she was unemployed and we were picking up all sorts of bills for her, nor would she consider cutting back on her social life (which we were routinely picking up the tab.

I suggested it was rather selfish to keep going on foreign holidays when we were meeting bills that she said she couldn't afford to pay and when she said she was struggling to pay her mortgage. She said 'that's what friends do', lost her temper and ended our friendship.

sonastin

If he's a true friend, once the disappointment fades the relationship will drift back to how it always was and this will be forgotten. If he holds a grudge, he's not a true friend and you are better off without that sort of "friendship"

I was once told "if you lend a friend £20 and you never get it back, its a price worth paying to know they aren't your friend" £10k is a high price to pay to find it out!!