Grrrrr motivation has gone

Bubby

Well I have been to the docs, I am having a thyroid test and some other blood tests for other ailments but he basically said that "life changes after having children and we all know how tiring children can be" to which I disagreed and explained that from 6 weeks my children all slept through and unless they have been ill they have never given me a sleepless night.:mad:

I know that he was palming me off because he had other patients to see but I wanted to discuss it and now feel like I have to make another appointment for the last 2 issues (I was only in there less than 5 minutes). I know you are supposed to make a longer appointment if you have alot to discuss (which I did:o) but they say that 10 minutes is allocated so I didn't want to take up more time. This is why I end up going with lots of issues because I put off going to the doctors:(

Bitsy_Beans

Bubby wrote: »

Well I have been to the docs, I am having a thyroid test and some other blood tests for other ailments but he basically said that "life changes after having children and we all know how tiring children can be" to which I disagreed and explained that from 6 weeks my children all slept through and unless they have been ill they have never given me a sleepless night.:mad:

I know that he was palming me off because he had other patients to see but I wanted to discuss it and now feel like I have to make another appointment for the last 2 issues (I was only in there less than 5 minutes). I know you are supposed to make a longer appointment if you have alot to discuss (which I did:o) but they say that 10 minutes is allocated so I didn't want to take up more time. This is why I end up going with lots of issues because I put off going to the doctors:(

That's terrible way to fob someone off. I was very anaemic a few months ago due to heavy periods - they've got worse since having the kids. If you're are heavy then anaemia does sound feasible, I was also lethargic and constantly tired. If you can't face ferrous sulphate tablets (I couldn't in pregnancy due to the side effects ) try the Spa Tone sachets - they are kinder on the body from side effects point of view. I've been taking them and felt loads better.

With regards to your other issues - you mention in your OP that your diet is pretty poor - would this perhaps be contributing to your dry skin etc. I would agree with going for a walk, even in the rain - it beats sitting indoors feeling miserable. I would also try and tackle your diet - I wouldn't stress about the weight at the moment, certainly because if you tackle what you eat then weightloss will be an added bonus. I am not suggesting a "diet" - but if you are eating poorly (lots of rubbish and junk food) try introducing a more fruit and veg and trying to cut down on other stuff. I think you have a number of issues and if you try and change everything at once then it's hard to sustain thereby leaving you open to being disheartened and the vicious cycle continues.

CAFCGirl

Not entirely sure from your post whether you're someone who needs the loving approach or the tough love version, so I'll aim for somewhere in the middle.....

I often need exacting plans, otherwise you can sometimes end up wallowing/feeling overwhelmed because there is so much to tackle.

So........
1. "Don't start a diet"
Start an eating plan : Keep a bottle of water with you constantly when you are out and about. At home drink a glass of water as soon as you get up, and with every meal and snack.
Work out a meal plan so you know what you're eating each day, main meals and snacks, if its planned and say stuck to the fridge, you're less likely to end up gorgeing on carp. Plus just dont buy any of it anymore.....cut out/back on caffeine, chocolate, crisps, processed food, your body will thank you for it.

2. Go for a walk, every day, 20 minutes, outside whatever the weather. Doesnt have to be paced to start off with, just getting the body moving, and some fresh air in your lungs will work wonders.

3. Get a body brush and every day do an all over dry brush before you shower in the morning. Work from the feet up toward the heart, should be bracing, but not painful. Boosts your circulation which from the sounds of it is a bit lack lustre.

4. buy a cleansing shampoo and conditioner for your hair. book in for a hair cut, and go! If you can, get a colour done, if not do it at home yourself.

5. start taking a multi vitamin, daily.

6. twice a week have a long soak in a hot bath, it'll help draw the toxins out of your body, some epsom salts will help with that.

7. search for a mantra, something that appeals to you, and you find motivating. have it written out in a few places where you'll see it during the day and repeat it to yourself throughout the day.

8. make a ten minute slot in your day every day to talk about a positive in YOUR day, so say for example "Today I feel positive about having eaten 3 portions of veg at dinner", so its about something YOU did, rather than say "Today I feel positive that the kids behaved"....

You may have mentionned it and I missed it but how long ago did you have your kids and what ages are they? Do you have a partner, are you SAHM or do you work?

Bubby

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

That's terrible way to fob someone off. I was very anaemic a few months ago due to heavy periods - they've got worse since having the kids. If you're are heavy then anaemia does sound feasible, I was also lethargic and constantly tired. If you can't face ferrous sulphate tablets (I couldn't in pregnancy due to the side effects ) try the Spa Tone sachets - they are kinder on the body from side effects point of view. I've been taking them and felt loads better. Yes it was a fob off. However looking into anaemia my periods are very very light now so I don't think that is the issue:)

With regards to your other issues - you mention in your OP that your diet is pretty poor - would this perhaps be contributing to your dry skin etc. I would agree with going for a walk, even in the rain - it beats sitting indoors feeling miserable. I would also try and tackle your diet - I wouldn't stress about the weight at the moment, certainly because if you tackle what you eat then weightloss will be an added bonus. I am not suggesting a "diet" - but if you are eating poorly (lots of rubbish and junk food) try introducing a more fruit and veg and trying to cut down on other stuff. I think you have a number of issues and if you try and change everything at once then it's hard to sustain thereby leaving you open to being disheartened and the vicious cycle continues.

Yes I think my diet is a contributing factor to the way I feel but it has become a viscious cycle:o eat bad food that is quick and easy and then lack the energy to be bothered to cook a wholesome meal for myself (although the children's meals are always junk free)

CAFCGirl wrote: »

Not entirely sure from your post whether you're someone who needs the loving approach or the tough love version, so I'll aim for somewhere in the middle.....

I often need exacting plans, otherwise you can sometimes end up wallowing/feeling overwhelmed because there is so much to tackle.

So........
1. "Don't start a diet"
Start an eating plan : Keep a bottle of water with you constantly when you are out and about. At home drink a glass of water as soon as you get up, and with every meal and snack.
Work out a meal plan so you know what you're eating each day, main meals and snacks, if its planned and say stuck to the fridge, you're less likely to end up gorgeing on carp. Plus just dont buy any of it anymore.....cut out/back on caffeine, chocolate, crisps, processed food, your body will thank you for it. I stuggle to drink fluids during the day and sometimes ladt a whole day on a glass of squash:o:o, I know this is really bad as I have bladder weakness after my last child and have already had one op to stretch my bladder:o:o:o

2. Go for a walk, every day, 20 minutes, outside whatever the weather. Doesnt have to be paced to start off with, just getting the body moving, and some fresh air in your lungs will work wonders. I find it really hard to go for a walk on my own, I have never done it and feel very self conscious and hate being on my own:o however I would consider a gym instead?

3. Get a body brush and every day do an all over dry brush before you shower in the morning. Work from the feet up toward the heart, should be bracing, but not painful. Boosts your circulation which from the sounds of it is a bit lack lustre. I have one of these so I will try this although I don't have enough time in the morning can it be done in the evening instead?

4. buy a cleansing shampoo and conditioner for your hair. book in for a hair cut, and go! If you can, get a colour done, if not do it at home yourself. I use a hairdressers shampoo but rarely use conditioner as I "can't be bothered" (my bl00dy lifes mantra:mad:)

5. start taking a multi vitamin, daily.

6. twice a week have a long soak in a hot bath, it'll help draw the toxins out of your body, some epsom salts will help with that.

7. search for a mantra, something that appeals to you, and you find motivating. have it written out in a few places where you'll see it during the day and repeat it to yourself throughout the day.

8. make a ten minute slot in your day every day to talk about a positive in YOUR day, so say for example "Today I feel positive about having eaten 3 portions of veg at dinner", so its about something YOU did, rather than say "Today I feel positive that the kids behaved"....

You may have mentionned it and I missed it but how long ago did you have your kids and what ages are they? Do you have a partner, are you SAHM or do you work?

I am a sahm, I have a wonderful supportive husband and my children are 7 and 3 and a half:)

CAFCGirl

in which case can you take the kids out for a walk? or youngest at least?

you can dry brush at night if its easier but be sure to shower afterwards, otherwise all the toxins end up coming out during the night, all over the bed..... eurgh! LOL

Ask your hairdresser to recommend a conditioner then, leave in stuff might be preferable if its a time concern....

if you can go to the gym thats even better, plus it gives you time and space to be "you", rather than wife,mother,cook,cleaner etc..... im not saying you're treated like that, but its easy for women to fall into roles without retaining a sense of being an individual. Gym could be your hobby, something thats for you, which makes you much more rounded and means DH gets some quality with the kids one on one

xx

Keeping_Motivated

Can you change your shower routine so you cann add in conditioner? For example I wash my hair as soon as I get in the shower then put on coditioner, comb through and leave while I was my body, then rish conditioner before I get out so really it hasn't taken more than an extra minute in the shower and what part of you can't be bothered to do that?

Yes join the gym , if a friend won't go with you you will soon make new friends there with a bit of effort on your part. Walking on the running machines is good enough, you don't need to put yourself under a punishing routine just get exercising enough to boost the energy and feel good factor first. Baby steps!

Carry about a small bottle of water with you (as CAFC suggested) and keep re filling it, if you are not keen on plain wate then put cordial of your choice in it, its better than not drinking at all.

Remember things don't have to be perfect to make a difference so go with accepting that small changes are enough for now and they will add up to bring you back to your old self or a completly new self.

So have you done a manicure and pedicure yet? Me nag? Never!

rainbow81

Hello

I don't know how well i can advise you but I go through cycles where I can't be bothered with myself too. I keep meaning to go to a class at the gym but I'm too embarrassed, etc etc. What I did get up the courage to do was go to a yoga class and that 1 hour a week just concentrating on me has had a lovely effect on lots of parts of my life (not yet the gym, lol). Obviously it won't help with most medical problems but I can really recommend it for helping you focus on yourself. Pampering does't really do it for me, but each to their own. It was hard getting up the courage, but honestly I only went "on my own" the first time as after that there were familiar faces.

I'm really pleased you are getting tested for things that are concerning you, it's not easy to keep going back to the doctor with the attitude of yours (attitude of your doctor, not your attitude!). Could you ask for a different doctor next time?

I would echo others with regards to water, fruit and veg, etc etc. Start at the beginning with little changes. In time when they have become habits you can add other changes. And be kind to yourself! You are doing a hard job and it sounds like you have been so busy looking after everyone else that you have forgotten (how?) to look after yourself! Crash diets are't kind to you, suddenly starting intensive exercise isn't kind to you, etc. (You get the idea - and yes, bar of chocolate IS sometimes kind to you!).

One last thing as I have dreadful PMT, I turn into a psycho witch - and currently us the pill to help control it. Have you considered this approach at all? It has made what was being classed as depression clear up. Plus reduced the dreadful bloating and cravings.

Good luck, I hope you find whatever it is you need to feel better.

Bubby

rainbow81 wrote: »

Hello

I don't know how well i can advise you but I go through cycles where I can't be bothered with myself too. I keep meaning to go to a class at the gym but I'm too embarrassed, etc etc. What I did get up the courage to do was go to a yoga class and that 1 hour a week just concentrating on me has had a lovely effect on lots of parts of my life (not yet the gym, lol). Obviously it won't help with most medical problems but I can really recommend it for helping you focus on yourself. Pampering does't really do it for me, but each to their own. It was hard getting up the courage, but honestly I only went "on my own" the first time as after that there were familiar faces.

I love being pampered:o and the gym and exercise not so much:rotfl:, but I am willing to give it a go. I have also thought about doing a dance dvd, I enjoy dancing but wouldn't do it in a class:o

I'm really pleased you are getting tested for things that are concerning you, it's not easy to keep going back to the doctor with the attitude of yours (attitude of your doctor, not your attitude!). Could you ask for a different doctor next time?

Tbh I have only encountered 1 decent doctor at our practice and they were a locum:(, it seems to be a regular theme with the other local people I have spoken to that our doctors is carp. I just feel it is a hassle moving the whole family to the other one locally (again probably my bl00dy can't do attitude)

I would echo others with regards to water, fruit and veg, etc etc. Start at the beginning with little changes. In time when they have become habits you can add other changes. And be kind to yourself! You are doing a hard job and it sounds like you have been so busy looking after everyone else that you have forgotten (how?) to look after yourself! Crash diets are't kind to you, suddenly starting intensive exercise isn't kind to you, etc. (You get the idea - and yes, bar of chocolate IS sometimes kind to you!).

One last thing as I have dreadful PMT, I turn into a psycho witch - and currently us the pill to help control it. Have you considered this approach at all? It has made what was being classed as depression clear up. Plus reduced the dreadful bloating and cravings.

I have got the coil but it hasn't been good for me so I am in the process of changing to a pill (just need to find the right one) so that is all in hand.:D

Good luck, I hope you find whatever it is you need to feel better.

I feel mostly that I have morphed into a completely different person since having children. I used to be happy, carefree and always the life and soul of the party. I made friends easily, felt confident and always achieved everything I wanted. I believed that you could do and be anything if you really put your mind to it. Now I am always negative Nora, I don't really believe I will ever lose the weight. I feel that my body has been so changed through my overeating in pregnancy that it will never be even half decent again. I also always look on the bad side of things. Most days I don't even wash my hair just scrape it back into a ponytail and I am not even 30!!!
I feel like if I don't do something my life will pass me by:(:(:(

I know that my weight is my biggest issue, I have friends who are overweight but they are happy and I know that isn't the case for me so why can't I just do it???
I have totally lost my identity I used to have a very high powered job and I loved it and now I am just frumpy old mum (and yes I feel very old). I see other mums who have retained their figures and work and they have fun and laugh with their children. I can't run around with mine because I am too overweight and I won't wear summer clothes like shorts etc so I can't go on a hot holiday (even though we could afford it) and I would never be seen in a swimsuit like this. I just don't see that I am living just existing for my children and my husband.

Sorry just all came out:o

(btw I am not depressed having been there I know I am ok I just feel carp iyswim)

aliasojo

Aw Bubby, sorry you're having such a hard time. I know exactly what you mean with the 2 weeks on / 2 weeks off thing. I'm finding I'm the same, I can eat well quite sucessfully for 2 weeks but as soon as TOTM approaches I struggle, a lot.

I actually empathise with quite a lot you've said tbh. Unfortunately I don't know what the answer is.

Be interesting to see the results of your blood tests. I felt much the same as you and got bloods done, turns out I was B12 deficient. Once the results come back then you'll have a starting point, whether you have something that needs treated or whether it's 'just' more of a lifestyle problem iyswim.

Bitsy_Beans

Bubby wrote: »

I feel mostly that I have morphed into a completely different person since having children. I used to be happy, carefree and always the life and soul of the party. I made friends easily, felt confident and always achieved everything I wanted. I believed that you could do and be anything if you really put your mind to it. Now I am always negative Nora, I don't really believe I will ever lose the weight. I feel that my body has been so changed through my overeating in pregnancy that it will never be even half decent again. I also always look on the bad side of things. Most days I don't even wash my hair just scrape it back into a ponytail and I am not even 30!!!
I feel like if I don't do something my life will pass me by:(:(:(

I know that my weight is my biggest issue, I have friends who are overweight but they are happy and I know that isn't the case for me so why can't I just do it???
I have totally lost my identity I used to have a very high powered job and I loved it and now I am just frumpy old mum (and yes I feel very old). I see other mums who have retained their figures and work and they have fun and laugh with their children. I can't run around with mine because I am too overweight and I won't wear summer clothes like shorts etc so I can't go on a hot holiday (even though we could afford it) and I would never be seen in a swimsuit like this. I just don't see that I am living just existing for my children and my husband.

Sorry just all came out:o

(btw I am not depressed having been there I know I am ok I just feel carp iyswim)

OK I have in the past been the worlds worst at negative thoughts - I've never self harmed but I have felt the urge to physically punish myself for being so weak willed and pathetic Not something I am proud of but the urge was there However I have got tired of my own complaints. I realised that I was a good person and that what rattled around in my own head wasn't what other people saw. My weight whilst an issue for me WASN'T and issue for other people and it was holding me back. I've still not lost much (if any) of my baby weight yet but I am working on liking myself, making a little bit of effort here and there. I am trying to not let my weight define me - I have a brain, am interested in current affairs, politics, world events etc so whilst I am the main child carer for our kids I take an interest in things that I find interesting. I loathe going to the gym and exercise classes never really did it for me - didn't like the music and I could never hear what was said. So I've joined an adult tap class and I LOVE IT! I've wanted to do it for ages and finally got off my butt and sorted something out. Granted it's not terribly cardio based but it's something I enjoy, something that doesn't revolve around the kids. As much as I love my children I needed to do something just for me. Even surfing on MSE is for me - I like the challenge of saving money and living frugally so I read up on it, borrow cook books etc etc.
Can you write down the things that you really enjoy no matter how silly or small they might be. Start doing them, no excuses.
Do something for yourself, even if it's just for a short time, build up on that. Go for a walk, smile at a stranger as you go past. You don't have to say anything if you don't want just acknowledge the other person. Try reconnecting with the outside world. You might be a SAHM but you still have something worthwhile to contribute.
Do you feel lost because you don't have the sort of job you used to?

In reality are we likely to get back our pre pregnancy bodies? No. It's a fact I've had to face but then again I am not going to get back the body I had when I was 20 and yet that doesn't bother me. I've got stretchmarks but hey no one but my kids and my H are going to see them. Doesn't stop me going swimming, I just wear an all in one cozzie. I've got varicos (sp?) veins from both pregnancies and as an apple my legs were my best feature but hey this is a result of having my beautiful kids. I can just wear trousers or longer skirts, lets face it I can't carry off the short skirts I used to anyway :rotfl:
Do I want my daughter to grow up with body issues? Nope but the only way she's going to have a healthy attittude to herself is by me leading example so that's another good reason for me to work on my self esteem.

Bottom line don't compare yourself to other people. You'd be suprised how many other women who you might think have the perfect figure are crippled with self doubt or have their own demons No one has the perfect life - just concentrate on making yourself happy and pay no attention to other people around you. Read books written by people who inspire you, look for solutions to your problems rather than for the negative response (I am sooooooo good at doing the latter )

Sorry if this comes across as "preachy I just wanted to share my own ramblings