NOTICE TO NEWCOMERS - Part 7 !!!!!!!

handyman123_2

Geebee wrote: »

Yes that was me.... But you ran in the opposite direction muttering "I dont know her" when i called "YooooHooooo Handeeee!!!" :rotfl:

Geebee, handy would never do that. I wish I could have got a photo of the truck I think you would have liked it. You seem to be into Red Indians, Wolfs and New age things.;)

This got handy thinking of the red indian brave who stopped the medicine man and asked "Medicine man you name all the babys of the tribe, how do you choose the names". The medicine man replied "after child is born, when I leave teepee the gods give me a sign". "If I look round and see a full moon, and hear a Wolf Howl, I would call the child Howling Wolf". " If I saw a deer running across the meadow, I would call the child Running Deer". "Anyway why do you ask? 2 Dogs [STRIKE]Bonking[/STRIKE] Fornicating".

Hope you like this one, best wishes handy.:)

3Dogs

Yes Handy we likey very much and love the window/air con one too

Is Mrs H less sore today?

handyman123_2

Hi 3Dogs, Its still sore. Its a larger wound than we expected, she's telling everyone that I did it. She has to go to the eye hospital tomorrow for a check up. She recently had laser work done to prevent if (I can spell it) Glycoma. I told her if it still doesnt feel right we will call in at A&E to get it checked. Thankyou for asking, much appreciated.

Glad to hear bonnies better. When I took sapper to the vets to have him nipped, I asked the vet if we could have his bits back.
The Vet asked what the heck for? I said we could keep the jar on the mantlepiece, and on his birthday take them out so he could have a lick. The Vet said HaHa got me but I thought his nurse was going to choke.

Best wishes, handy.

handyman123_2

When Mrs Handy and myself were living way Oop North in the Highlands, I had to subsidise our income by doing extra work in the local area. Up there local can mean an hours drive as Highland Miles are long ones.

One day while I was out cleaning the stables the phone rang. Mrs Handy answered and a Lesley Phillips sounding voice said.
“Hellooow this is Brother Ignatius here, Is Mr Handyman in residence”. “ I would like him to come out and inspect my wiring, I think I have a faulty fuse box”.

Mrs Handy thought “Windup it’s Maggot”, my mate who is well known for world championship windup’s. “Pish off “ she said “your not going to get me again”

“Madame” said the voice “This is Brother Ignatius from Cill Chuimein” (Clever Sod used the Gaelic name of our local village).There’s no need to be rude”.

“Look Maggot” she said feeling less sure now, “If you don’t stop messing about I’ll have the nuts off you when I see you again”.

“Madame I don’t know this person your referring to, “I would like to speak to Mr Handyman, I have perused his card on the notice board outside the village shop”.

The penny dropped with a resounding crash. Mrs Handy couldn’t apologise enough, details were taken and when I got home I almost collapsed with laughter at the story and how red faced she still was. I thought who is this person? was he one of the monks that stayed in the area after the local Monkery (sorry Numtpy, Monastery) closed.

Next day Mrs H came with me as I made my visit to inspect and quote, she stayed in the car, as I made my way to the front door of a very run down, but beautiful house. As I knocked on the front door, a voice came from the side saying “this way”. I turned to meet an elderly, saintly looking man in Monks robes. “I’m Brother Ignatius” he said “pleased to meet you Mr Handy”

When we went into the kitchen, we were met by a pleasant grey haired lady. “This is my wife, Sister Eligious. Handy was confused. Who what were these people, I didn’t like the evangelical glint in their eyes.

Very shortly the story came out, Terry now known as Brother Ignatius, and his wife June now known as Sister Eligious. Had been a Vicar rather high up in the Church of England but after some argument regarding Christian fundamentalism had left to start his own branch of the Greek Orthodox Church up in the Highlands? Ignatius said the Greek church was the closest to primitive Christianity that he had found, and that they had both taken the names of saints as a mark of respect.

I apologised once more for Mrs Handy’s comments when on the phone, Iggy as he now asked me to call him said it was a very surrealistic conversation.

A short time later handy had surveyed the job, got enough information to provide a quote. Before you go said Iggy, you must see our chapel of St Chuimein, This used to be our sitting room but we have converted it to a place of worship.
I said I would love to see it, but wanted Mrs Handy to see it as well. ( If I had been a coward that was the time to leave).

I shot out to the car, dear I said you have just got to see these people. I thought you were quoting for a re-wire she said. The house isn’t the only thing that needs re-wiring I replied.
When we went into the chapel it was impressive, only a small room perhaps 12 x 12. Every inch of the walls were covered in religious icons. Most had been downloaded and printed, but there were a few real ones. They cost so much said Iggy, I have had to make some of my own. You are welcome to join us for worship on Sunday he said. I have some friends coming from the south so there will be at least four of us.

I had to explain I would be working. I said I would get the quote to him in a few days. As we turned to leave from nowhere an offertory plate bearing a card saying please give generously appeared on a chair by the door.

Actually they were nice dedicated people if a little eccentric, just another of the weird and wonderful things that have happened to the Handy’s.



Regards, and may your God go with you, handy.:)

solventsoon

Numpty_Monkey wrote: »

I've got a feeling my gas bill might be out by a few pence:think:

Bl00dy hell Numpty, are you paying the gas bill for the whole of Leeds:eek::eek::eek::eek:

3Dogs

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

A giggling 3Dogs is now going to bed - thanks for the stories Handy, they make my day

There is a history of Glaucoma/Glycoma in our family so I have to have my eye's tested every year but so far so good for me

Nite Nite Handy - and Niddy too if he is on watch tonight

solventsoon

Hi everyone
Handy - hope Mrs H is OK, things like that can be sore for a couple of days, hope she's on the mend soon. Love tonight's stories - you really should write a book.

3Dogs - well done for a bargainalicious day:j. Glad Bonnie is on the mend.

Allie - fingers crossed you hear something tomoroow

And hi to the rest of the trollzapping/spambusting gang. Another busy day today so apologies for absence again - I will try to do better tomorrow.

Numpty - I hope you get that bill sorted out soon

3Dogs

solventsoon wrote: »

Bl00dy hell Numpty, are you paying the gas bill for the whole of Leeds:eek::eek::eek::eek:

:eek: frightening isn't it? But there must be a joke in there somewhere, with all that gas ........ if I could only think of it

Nite Spoon - hope you've had a good day

handyman123_2

Nighty Night from Handy, Best wishes to you all.

handyman123_2

3Dogs wrote: »

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AAAgh Nearly forgot I have to leave one of these. Night Night.