i've lost my way

helzbelz_57

ok, i used to know exactly how much i had in every account, i budgeted to the penny and i had no debt. this is where i would like to be again.

in the past 2 years (roughly) i have become very lax about it all, i have 2 credit cards, a few (not sure how many) store cards, overdrafts on my bank accounts. this has all coincided with me transitioning from being a very independant single parent to being a slightly dependant co habiter. my partner earns a very good salary but being my stubborn self i still insisted on splitting all the bills downthe middle, even though he earns 4 times as much as me. it is entirely my own doing and i have allowed myself to become dependant on his extra salary being able to support me if i overspend.

fastforward to now, i left my job last month and am setting up as a childminder so i need to really be on top of my finances. my partner is supporting us now but i dont intend to allow him to carry on like that for much longer.

where do i start trying to sort out all this mess?

Mark_In_Hampshire

The beginning of the answer to this may depend on whether you believe that splitting everything 50/50 is part of the "mess" - are you looking to address that?

scottishblondie

I think the first thing you need so find out exactly how many store cards you have, then total up how much debt on those, the credit cards and overdrafts you have and fill out an SOA (statement of affairs), look on the Debt Free board for links. Once you've done that you will have a much better view of the state of your finances and you can go forward from there. The folk on the DFW board are very helpful on sorting stuff out, so I'd recommend you post your SOA over there.

As above, perhaps you should review the splitting of the bills. If your partner earns so much more, and is happy to pay more, then splitting differently would probably be a big help to you.

helzbelz_57

i dont think splitting the bills is part of it but i think it was what started me thinking, i could be a bit more laidback with my spending because i had OH there to pick up the slack. before i paid all the bills and had to keep a very tight reign on my spending so i think i just relaxed a bit too much.

i am very keen to keep splitting the bills as i very much need to feel as though i am pulling my weight, so once i have sorted out my debts and set a budget it is my intention to resume that. however for the time being until i have cleared my debts, OH is more than happy to take over all the bills.

i could be wrong but at a guess i dont think my debt is over £1k. however as i am not currently earning i have no way to clear them.

thank you for suggestion to do SOA, i will gather up all my bills and try and get a total figure and do that tomorrow when ds is at school.

chocsessential

Have you kept all your bank statements? These will help you to identify regular payments, so you will know how much you have been paying off on your store cards, etc. You can also ring your credit card companies for up to date balances. I know it's hard to get started but once you have a clear picture of what you owe, and who to, you'll start to feel there is a way out of the mess. I'm a great one for proscratinating but when I force myself to take step one, I find that steps two, three, four, etc, follow on very easily, and it's not as scary as I thought it would be.

helzbelz_57

yep i have all my bank statements. i have gone through the pile of paperwork from my kitchen counter. (i let it build up, always menaing to sort it later) so i will go throug it all tomorrow and do the sums.

CLAPTON

this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and is doomed to failure

if two people have unequal incomes then it's madness to split the costs in half.

suppose one wants to go on an expensive holiday and the other can't afford it do they have separate holidays

if one wants an expensive house and mortgage and the other can't afford it do they live apart.

best to separate now and get it done with.


just my view of course.

helzbelz_57

thank you very much for your suggestion clapton. it was in no way helpful, regards my situation, but it did give me a good chuckle. it may surprise you to know that things such as holidays and houses have been discussed in depth by myself and my partner and we have no issues regarding them. we are in a happy, commited relationship, we have two wonderful children together, and we will not, as you suggest, be separating simply because my partner earns alot more than i do. it was my choice to split the bills equally and as you have already seen, my partner is more than happy to take over the payments whilst i am unable to. it will also be my decision to resume splitting the bills when i find myself financially able to.

so, again, thanks for the laugh.

Mark_In_Hampshire

CLAPTON wrote: »

this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and is doomed to failure

if two people have unequal incomes then it's madness to split the costs in half.

suppose one wants to go on an expensive holiday and the other can't afford it do they have separate holidays

if one wants an expensive house and mortgage and the other can't afford it do they live apart.

best to separate now and get it done with.


just my view of course.

The above works well when both partners are working and have reasonable jobs. If you get one partner who essentially "hangs off the coat tails" of the high earner and basically doesn't bother using their skills to bring in what they're worth, it can be frustrating to the point of ruining a relationship.

I should stress that's not directed at the OP at all and isn't applicable here - quite the reverse - but from some personal experience, there is an argument for a 50/50 split.