Sensitive family issue.

laurel7172

Drunks and abusers are very, very good at making other people feel responsible for them and their actions. Though your father may be physically frail now, and his tactics may have changed, realistically, he is probably the same man he always was. Don't let your need for him to be a better person convince you that he is. You got away once-don't allow yourself to be manipulated into a situation where you're back under his control.

I hope you're reading this thread with a huge sense of relief, as you realise that no reasonable person would expect you to take him in. He isn't your responsibility. Really. Get on and live the life your mother would have wanted for you. x

laurel7172

If you want to, you can get support from Al-Anon (for the families of drinkers)

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Your local group might help you accept the limits of what you can do for your father (you can't make him stop drinking, for instance) and support you in doing what you hae to do to protect yourself.

Pollycat

I don't think you sound heartless at all, you sound like a very caring person.

You obviously want to help your Father although from what you say, he doesn't really deserve it.

If I were in your position, I think the key thing for me would be whether he is willing to help himself by stopping drinking.

If he won't even make the effort to get help to end his drinking, then I agree with the other posters who say 'leave him to it'.

Good luck, make the decision that is right for you and not for someone who has ruined several lives.

tanith

He obviously manages ok when you are not around so I agree with the others let Social Services deal with things, they will eventually get involved via the hospital or GP and are used to dealing with folk like your Dad... Do not let him drag you back into his life just because you feel obligated you really owe him nothing...good luck

Britwife

I can completely relate hun. I grew up in an abusive home, that's all I ever knew and it became normal to me even though I was so happy to finally get away from him.

My dad isn't the best of health either and I have forgiven him for what he did. However, I don't have a real relationship with my dad but in the end, he is my dad. I will always love my dad and that is as far as it goes. I know a lot of people question why I still talked to him at times but they didn't get that there were some good times, and I tried to focus on those times but again, he is my dad. I don't go out of my way for him and I can't remember the last time I said I love you to him, but I could never just disown him.

I would feel guilty not being able to help too, but you shouldn't. You can help get the ball rolling for him though and that will cost you just a little bit of time.

Contact his local council to see what options they have. It could be they offer a daily nurse to visit him, a flat within a 24 hour supervised community but will still have his own place, or a full care nursing home.

I'm so sorry about your mom hun.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If he can manage to get to the offie, he can manage to get his useless scrawny carcasse into detox.

Not your problem. He can wipe his own A--- for a change.

Starrystarrynight

OP, you have done so well in spite of all the bad stuff that's happened to you. You must be such a strong person. Please don't feel obligated or guilty or let yourself be drawn back into his miserable life.