My dad won't listen

pinksugar_3

Hi all,

This is my first time so please be gentle with me.

It was my dad that first introduced me to this website when he bought me the book last christmas. I am addicted to it now. My problem is that my dad doesn't seem to care about his finances.

My dad is 60 roughly 40k in debt on credit cards (my mum showed me the file last nite) and has just remortgaged his house (now 245k), I originally went in with him so he could buy the house 3 years ago but I am in name only on the mortgage. He now has 14 years to pay off his mortgage but obviously he will be retiring sooner than this. My mum is 70 and she has had 2 heart attacks, she is a natural worrier but dad wont listen to either of us.

He remortgaged so he could invest in something but it seems he keeps changing his mind about what he wants to do. I wont go into too much detail as there have been at least 6 idea's in the last 6 months all of which have cost him money. First it was buy a bed and breakfast, he actually bought it and then got turned down for the mortgage so he had fee's to pay on this. Then it was to buy a property and restore so he joined a few auction sites (which he has paid for) and now he wants to buy a shop, the last two ideas have been since SUNDAY!

I would like him to use this money (60k) to pay pay off his credit cards, but I can't seem to get through to him how much he is wasting on interest also he only pays the minimum and most of them are paid late. This would certainly help towards paying something off of the mortgage but I dont know how to show him or get through to him. He also doesn't know I have looked at his credit card statements.

I think he is in panic mode about not being able to pay the mortgage off within 14 years and I feel he is going to waste the money by jumping in when he hasn't thought it all through properly.

Does anyone have any ideas what I can do?

lynzpower

Am I right in thinking that its YOUR name on the mortgage, but they pay it?

lynzpower

Oh and a big welcome to Debt free wannabee :wave:

kathfisch

You can't make someone do something if they don't want to, a change of attitude has to come from the person themselves. However it sounds as though your dad is trying to solve a problem with quick fixes, schemes that are not clearly thought through. Could you find some practical way to show him the money that's being wasted? You say you've seen the info - could you perhaps put together a summary of his financial situation, maybe shock him into realising what he's doing. You want him to know that you are there to support him though, not for him to feel victimised and possibly just try to hide things in future.

Perhaps you could show him this thread, what you've posted and the advice that's given. That should certainly show him that you care and you want to help.

Best of luck

Kath x

pinksugar_3

We both are on the mortgage but yes he pays it. But my mum/dad and myself are on the deeds.

lynzpower

This sounds rather scary to me.

You are on the mortgage, but your Dad is able to remortgage, did he get your consent for this I presume he must have?

Personally, I would be thinking very carefully as to whether your parents are ( sorry I know this isnt the right word) responsible enough. If your dad took the money and used it for one of these madcap business ideas, then can you be certain that theres enough in the house to stave off negative equity?

kathfisch

pinksugar wrote:

We both are on the mortgage but yes he pays it. But my mum/dad and myself are on the deeds.

Is there £245k outstanding on the mortgage or have I read that wrong?!

Really your dad needs to sit down and go through the figures - how much is coming in/going out, where he can cut back expenses and/or make some more money. To me this wouldn't include risky business ventures at such a late stage, but then I'm naturally cautious.

You say that he is, understandably, worried about being able to pay off the mortgage. But is there perhaps more to it than that? I could be way off the mark but is your dad perhaps feeling low, perhaps regretting not having taken these risks... invested in things... made his fortune.... etc or something similar? He definitely needs some financial advice (when he wants to listen) but perhaps he also needs a friendly ear to chat to about other stuff.

x

pinksugar_3

They re-mortgaged it upto 245k on interest only. He told me he was struggling making the payments so I agreed he could change it over to interest only then he wanted to re-mortgage. I felt pressured into helping him as he doesn't have much time but now I feel I might have made it worse by signing that form.

MrsTinks

If your name is on the motgage then shoud he "squander" the money and end up defaulting on the mortgage payments... YOU will be their next port of call... He might be paying the repayments at the moment but you are jointly liable for this and ANY failing on the mortgage will reflect on you credit file...

I think this is the slap across the face with a wet kipper of financial reality that Martin calls it... You are now as financially joined at the hip with your dad and mum as you can be. That means you need to be prepared to pay their mortgage if they can't pay or it will mark your record too. Sorry.
Sit down, talk to your dad and explain that you are a little concerned about the way he is wasting this money and what the consequenses will be for you if he messes the mortgage repayments up... Sorry to be harsh but I think he needs it...

tyllwyd

I agree with the other posters that you need to have a good think about where you stand in all of this. If your name is on the mortgage, you are involved in their financial affairs, and I am surprised to think that he let you do that when he knows that he has such a lot of debt hanging over him.

What would happen if he fell ill tomorrow and couldn't work? Would you have to pay your parents mortgage, or else demand that they moved house to somewhere cheaper?

You are very exposed, especially if he is bad with money and considering going into a business on a whim when he hasn't got experience. What if he loses the 60K and more?

I think you need to call a stop to this, for your own sake.

lynzpower

the more I think of this the more I agree with twyllyd.

At the end of the day if he retires in the next 5 years ( clearly your mums not working now is she) then where is this 245k going to come from? Either the house must be sold and repaid to the building sociaety/bank or the lender comes to you for the payments.

Im imagining even at interest only rates, they should be paying somewhere in the region of 750-800 per month, maybe more.

the fact that they have taken out this money on the remortgage also does not bode well.

I know this is not eay to hear but if I were in your position, Id be
a) making your dad pay this money back to the lender
and
b) sitting down and being realistic. Is this house fgoing to be paid off by the time dad retires? If not, then if I were in your shoes, I would think VERY seriously about selling the property.

If he pays off his CCs with this, wheres the 40k going to come from to pay back to the lender, if the house ends up not reaching what the lending on it is?

Whats the total lending on the property at the moment?