Need to Vent!!!

bride2be2012

Just back from spending the Bank Holiday at the in-laws and need to let of some steam!

Got shot down in flames for saying we want a small wedding - about 60 to the ceremony - and then had to listen to stories about OH's siblings weddings where everyone plus their great long lost aunty and her cat got invited. Things got even better when we said we didn't want a church wedding - I'm an aethiest and OH hasn't been inside a church since Sunday school: again stories about how everyone else in their family had church weddings.

Got told I didn't have a proper wedding dress dress as it was bought of ebay (it's an alfred angelo, so most def a proper wedding dress!) and that it would only suit me coz I'm tall - no mention of it being pretty or anything. And questioned why on earth I'd want a dress when we haven't even set a date yet.

And when I jokingly said to my OH that he shouldn't get a new car coz we are saving for the wedding, I got told that its my and my familys responsibility to pay for the wedding, and that my parents must be able to afford it as they have paid for us to go on holiday in November as an engagment present!!

Also had to put up with digs all weekend about me not looking after OH properly - he left home 6 weeks ago to live with me - he is 30, not 3, he is more than capeable of looking after himself! Am so angry! OH also got told at the weekend (after the car conversation) that he has to be more of a man and stand up to me more, and not be like his brothers whose wife's wear the trousers!!!!:mad::mad:. This from my MIL2B, who won't let FIL2B have his own bank card to their joint current account, as he 'can't be trusted with money'.

To top it all, when I got home I had an email from my chief bridesmaid saying she think my choice of wedding car is tacky, and my other bridesmaid (my sister) saying she can't come looking at dresses on Sat, as shes going our Friday and will be too hungover. GRRRRRRRR!

Thank you for reading, I'm away to sit in a cold room til I've calmed down a bit!

vicki+1

I am currently sitting on a surf board, trying to ride it out till my wedding is over. Wanna come join me ?

ecoelle

Sack it off and go to Vegas! Seriously, stuff them! Have what you and your H2B want, and if that means standing up to the inlaws then so be it, if you don't do it now you'll spend your whole life being ruled by them. What about if you want children are they going to tell you how to raise them too?

I'm getting married in August. We are doing it on a farm, no bridesmaids, poems and songs in the ceremony, nothing religous, Cornish pasties and salad, a live folk band, then sausage cobs in the evening. Anyone who doesn't like it, that's fine, they don't have to come. I watched my mother spend her whole life trying to please her mother in law, until her (my grandmother, not mother) death 10 years ago. I will never let anyone tell me how to have my wedding, raise my kids or what does or does not constitute a wedding dress (Mine's a bridesmaid dress, not white, not traditional, but gorgeous and very me)

Just remember why you are getting married, it's for you and your partner, noone else, so do it your way and remember it as your day that you look back on with love not regret!

bride2be2012

thanks guys. Don't worry, I am in no way giving into my MIL2B! (FIL2B is lovely!). Thankfully, OH knows exactly what she is like and sides with me! We don't want to get married abroad as we want family there - but close family we see and talk to - MIL2B was horrified when I said I wasn't inviting all my cousins!

I should let it just wash over me by now but it just grates on my nerves. She's already droping hints that she'll never get to see her grandkids if/when we start a family (we live 2 hours away, not the other end of the country) Mind you, she does this about her son and grandkids that live 5 mins away from her and the kids school is across the road from her house!!

Thing is, I know I have painted her in a bad light here, but we actually get on OK, I just can't stand her interfering. It's impossible to have a conversation around her without her knowing every detail, even if its nothing to do with her and she has no clue about what you are talking about!

ecoelle

Well just make sure you do what is going to make you happy.

hunnycat

i had a bit of a blow up at some people over plans . Everything i was picking people had opinions so i just said i dont really care what you all think i am doing it anwyay cause its MY wedding.. its all calmed down a bit now

frannyann

My current method for ignoring any comments is to stick my fingers in my ears and loudly proclaim 'La, la la I'm not listening', has worked well as family all now think I am insane and leave me alone!

Lexxi

tell them it's a S&M style wedding and you want them all in their best bondage gear. By the time you feel they have suffered enough and tell them the truth they'll be so pleased they won't interfere!!
I'm 2 hours away from family and the venues so I can plan everything remotely and no one will see me until the wedding and it will be too late to realise I haven't invited the people I don't want there

RainbowDrops

Everyone thinks they know best when it comes to weddings, huh?!

I'm glad that you normally get on with the in laws though, so hopefully there wont be a masive falling out.

What I'd suggest is asking your OH to have a quiet word with her, calmly explaining that you want to do the Wedding your way, and although you realise that not everything will be traditional, it will still be a special day with just close friends & family, and that you'll have more time to speak to everyone.

shellsuit

frannyann wrote: »

My current method for ignoring any comments is to stick my fingers in my ears and loudly proclaim 'La, la la I'm not listening', has worked well as family all now think I am insane and leave me alone!

Bit like this Franny?




I would just point blank tell anyone who didn't like our plans, that our wedding is for US, not them, and if they didn't like what we had planned, they didn't have to come!

Seriously, don't take crap from anyone ~ why should you bite your tongue because they are family?

Cloves

bride2be2012 wrote: »

Got shot down in flames for saying we want a small wedding - about 60 to the ceremony -

Got told I didn't have a proper wedding dress dress as it was bought of ebay .

I got told that its my and my familys responsibility to pay for the wedding,

Also had to put up with digs all weekend about me not looking after OH properly

OH also got told at the weekend (after the car conversation) that he has to be more of a man and stand up to me more

Sorry you had such a rubbish weekend B2B - honestly some people just don't have a clue do they... its like they dont think and just say things without realising how rude they are. You really wonder about people like that, and if you tell them off they get an innocent look on their face and say " oh sorry love, I'm just speaking my mind" well I say SHUT IT! Sorry... getting a bit too angry on your behalf i think...:mad: Maybe I need a cool room too!

Good on you for not slapping them all or getting the hose and chasing and blasting them on the lawn:T