Kids and money - how do we train them so they don't repeat our mistakes?

Nix143

Hi, I'm new to the board and am in the process of facing up to my mountain of debt. I'm forcing myself to write my SOA - but it's one of the scariest things I've ever done. I'm going home after work today to make myself just get on with it - please cross your fingers for me, I didn't think doing it would be so scary or so hard.

Anyway I've been thinking a lot about my 12 year old son. About how me changing my spending would have a consequence on his lifestyle - from the food he eats to the activities he can do through to how much money I have to just spend on him. I'm pretty confident he'll adapt to whatever changes I throw at him and so am not really worried about that. What I AM concerned about is how do I influence his relationship to money? What damage have I done with my profligate ways? And how can I undo that and show him the real value of money.

I guess the best thing I can do is address my stuff and lead a life where he sees ME valuing money much more

I'm sure there must have been numerous threads like this one before and apologies for that - I guess I would like some advice from the parents amongst you about how you make your lil uns MSE's in the making.

skirt

I have absolutely no idea. My parents were very canny with money and I went the opposite way. I do wonder if thats why though - as money was tight when I was growing up, it burned a hole in my pocket as soon as I got any! I am in the same boat as you though now.

If you find out, tell me please!

foxybabe

i'll be watching this thread as my 10 year old has absolutely no idea of the value of money. He will spend his pocket money on anything rather than save up for something worthwhile. I used to say no but now i am letting him do it in the hope that he will realise what is happening when he sees something he really wants. I don't know why he is like it as i have never been like it.

chatta

Share with him all what you posted here today, what better lesson than that. Give him his pocket money monthly and say that thats what he has to live on and mean it. If he needs more then let him earn it, maybe clean house, put washing machine on, empty dishwasher. Encourage him to work hard at school so he ends up with a good job, I always gave my kids a bit extra if they came home with a good report. Good luck!

*zippy*

Hi Nix

Welcome to DFW. I have 2 children aged 10 and 14. The 14 year old has been spoilt and had no idea of the value of money, pre-dfw she generally had what she wanted. After my lightbulb moment her life changed and she didn't like it, she really played up in the begining, didn't want to eat Aldi food etc. I too posted on here as I was really fed up.

It has been nearly a year now and we can see the difference she doesn't ask for stuff all the time, she now has pocket money, its up to her what she does with it, but when its gone thats it. She is a nicer person. I think you are right, just lead by example. My 10 year old, is the opposite, shes a saver, thank goodness :T and tightening the budget hasn't worried her.

Don't fear sorting your finances out, its a huge relief when you know what you are facing and start tackling it. Put your SOA on here when you are ready and you will get loads of help.

Good Luck x

Nix143

Thanks guys *s* I think what worried me most was that he got nearly a hundred quid for his birthday in June and I assumed he would buy something big.

When I asked him a few weeks later what he planned to buy he had none of it left!!! And when I asked what he'd bought he shrugged and said 'just stuff' - the stuff turned out to be a PC game, a couple of DVDs and some CDs. But what really made my eyes widen was how casual he was about that amount of money

In 6 years time he'll be going to Uni (he's a bit of a clever one *grinning proudly*) and unless he learns now then he's gonna be in a heap of bother and it would be nice to not have that as something I feel I have to beat myself up about

xx

msmicawber

Why not start giving him his pocket money two-weekly or monthly, then turn it into an allowance where you give him more money but he has to pay for his clothes and entertainment out of it. If he messes up, don't bail him out. That should help him learn to budget. (I'm planning this soon with mine.)

I talk to my children about what I'm doing to reduce overheads and why I make certain financial decisions, though you have to be sure that they're old enough not to blurt out your personal details to all and sundry! Both my parents were very good with money, but didn't teach us anything about how to manage money or discuss their affairs in front of us because it was 'none of our business'. I had to learn the hard way, so I'm hoping that by droning on about being financially astute, avoiding bad debt, etc. while they're growing up, some of it will filter through and help them avoid the pitfalls, or at least set off some alarm bells before they get in too much of a mess.

foxybabe

I give mine his pocket money monthly. He has to do jobs to earn it and if he dosn't then he gets money docked. It makes no difference, if i say "you will not get you full allowance if you dont do...." he will just say "fine i'm not really bothered". The thing is he really isn't bothered. I have tried not giving his spending money at all and just treating him occasionally but i think at 10 he should be learning to manage money or at least the value of money.

Any ideas guys

Sallys_Savings

I'm not too sure how to do it

I have four children and they all work their money out differently.

I would of said I was pretty good with money...saving, scrimping on bits and pieces, always going for value and cost etc. etc. We are an average family in a three bed semi, in our middle forties. I have been a stay at home mum for the last 19 years (done jobs in the evening etc) and we dont have a fantastic income (less then £18,000). We have never been in any debt (apart from mortgage) and always saved for what we wanted and have taught our children to do the same. When my older children began work I sat with them and helped them work out a budget for saving etc. Showed them how much things cost, how they needed to put a little by for a deposit on a flat/house or holidays etc. etc.

BUT

Son no. 1 - I have helped him out so many times with money and now I just cant help him out anymore. He hasn't learnt from his mistakes and I think because I have helped him out in the past he just relied on me getting him out of sticky situations. He knows now that I will not help out, as he has let me down too many times, saying he wont get into problems anymore. Its going to be really hard in the future if he does ....but its tough love

Son no. 2 - He hasn't got too much of a problem with money as he wont borrow it but he never saves and spends out before the end of the month.

Daughter no. 3 - LOVES LOVES AND LOVES SAVING lol ...she just saves, saves and saves But I'm sure that will change as shes getting older (shes 15)

Daughter no. 4 - Spends her money on rubbish if i don't keep an eye on her so I think she may have problems in the future . She could be alot worse I suppose ...she does save too Hopefully seeing her old brother getting into problems as helped her see how easy it is to get into difficulty.

I have given all my children allowances (but I have always paid for weekly clubs)...and I do think it helps.

I'm not sure what the magic answer is though......but good luck to you all with children

judi24

I know what you mean. I have 4 kids. 2 teenagers and 2 little ones. The teenagers have no concept about the value of money. They get pocket money off me which they are supposed to earn by doing dishes and hoovering, but thier dad (who I don't live with) alos gives them money whenever they see him (de doesn't give me child support). But it just vanishes!
I was telling my mum about my plan to get debt free. Her response was that she was worried it would have a bad effect on the girls as they won't be with me long. I just can't win!

I'm desperate to get debt free so that I can help them in the future - uni or whatever. I know it will affect them as we will need to cut down on some of the extras, but we do waste money on food and treats. They also end up with far too much at christmas.

My plan this year is to scale down Christmas. I've already started buying stocking fillers on BOGOF and taking hint from this site.

I hope they can see this as possitive thing a have a better understanding of the value of money. But who knows:rolleyes:

bargainbetty

How about a job list, with agreed 'wages'? Let him recognise his earning potential....if he asks for the cash for a CD or something, you can show him how he can earn the extra funds to get it. My parents had me working in their shop from the age of fourteen to earn my pocket money - it made me a lot more aware of what I was spending, because I knew how hard I was working to earn it.

Also, take him shopping with you. If you do a meal planner, have hit sit down with you and work out a list, then make it a challenge for him to help you shop as cheaply as possible. It would give him the chance to understand how to budget for food, and avoid paying for overpriced stuff.

I hope he picks up your DFW habits in time to stay just DF!
x