single mum..work!?!.how is it possible??

concerned43

can anyone tell me why there are green/red buttons on our posts?

lynzpower

MzJones wrote: »

Thanks for your input UP, I was worried that I was being hyper sensitive, but I appricate you see my piont



My mortgage isn't huge and I do get help, not housing benifit but the same department, they'll only pay half which means I have to pay the extra £200, but thats not my issue really...my issue is...I chose to be a mum...under no choice of my own I'm now a single mum...no dad in sight....(he's living the single life, no maintance either)....I want to bring up my kids, be here for them, not pay someone else to whilst I'm working...for, lets face it...I've been searching the JCP site for months and the wage per hour that companies offer these days is rot

Have you considered training as a childminder?

You can speak to your local authority that usually has a childcare officer or a Childrens information service that will offer advice to you if this appeals?

dmg24

UnderPressure wrote: »

I have to admit I missed the mortgage bit, mmmmmmm tricky I suppose especially if it is a big mortgae, so what would the OP do then say if she had a 6-700 pound a month mortgage would it even be possible to work and claim enough to pay this and have any quality of life?

Would she be expected to sell the home and rent somewhere? I suppose so kind of makes sense, I have read some of you posts in other threads DMG and you seem to know what you are tlaking about when it comes to things like this so maybe you could offer some advice re mortgage?

So far as being a hypocrite I dont think so, yes I may have used to odd nayghty word if that offended the OP then please accept my appology, it was meant to come across as down to earth and friendly (towards the OP anyhow) but I still stand by what I said so far as the judgemental snooty crew, I wont go over it again it is said many times on these forums by many people.......................

You do what everybody else does, married or single, and live to your means. If the mortgage is too high, then either downsizing or going into rented property would be options.

concerned43

cheers DMG - now i know, good idea to know whose online.

Savvy_Sue

MzJones wrote: »

I take my hat off to those that can do it without their kids going ferral,

I think you'll find that feral children are in the minority, and if you're worried that a 12 year old can't possibly be left to fend for themselves at any time you may need to encourage more independence.

Sure, there are a few who may never learn to look after themselves, and may never be able to be trusted on their own, but a) they are in the minority and b) such children usually have identifiable problems such as ADHD, austism or a physical disability.

Whatever your situation, working and bringing up children is a juggling act. Doesn't matter if you are a single mum or a two parent family, you juggle. Even now, when my baby is 18 and only has to go to school for his A2 exams, and DS2 is at Uni and DS1 has left home, we juggle.

You already KNOW this. But now you just have the extra 'ball' of working being thrown in to YOUR situation.

tiff

Kids need to be given independence slowly. My son (12) has been left on his own for short periods of time, 20 mins or so and that has built up to longer periods of time. Always during the day time and never for a whole day. I know for a fact that when left at home he will play on the PS3 or maybe do some homework. He's not allowed to go out, or let anyone else in. I have no worries at all that he would be "feral" as you put it. My Mum never ever trusted us alone at home, even when I was 19 and I am the most trustworthy person I know. I would like my kids to know that I think more of them than that.

downshifter

A local childminder took my children to school and collected and kept them for an hour afterwards, then when they were a bit older I asked at the local secondary school if they had any sixth form students who wanted to be teachers/work with children and wanted some experience. I found a wonderful girl who collected them, gave them new experiences after school, was a good confidante for them, helped with homework, and also had a bevy of similar friends who could stand in if she was absent. She also helped with holidays, though as you say, at times your life revolves around how much leave you have left and when. If Easter was the wrong side of your leave year in April you could be scuppered!

To have an afternoon off just for yourself was total heaven but rare, you have to be prepared that your life and time is less your own when you're working than at any other period. But you probably won't be going back full time anyway so will have more flexibility. Between 12 and 15 it's fine to encourage them to be independent and have a key, they love it though admittedly some 12 yr olds are less mature than others, mostly because of over-mollycoddling! However at 16 you need to be there, I'll never forget coming home on the last day of the GCSEs and finding my son and friends drunk after sampling the home brew!

DS

JC9297

MzJones wrote: »

..my issue is...I chose to be a mum...under no choice of my own I'm now a single mum...no dad in sight....(he's living the single life, no maintance either)....I want to bring up my kids, be here for them, not pay someone else to whilst I'm working...

We all want to be at with our kids when they are little, but in most families (except where one person earns a very large salary, or for example there is a disabled child) once the youngest child is at school it is rare for the mum to stay at home, as most people do not see a need for it and it is considered a luxury most cannot afford. Whilst no-one is suggesting it will be easy to do, it is not unreasonable to expect people to try to find work when there is no reason for them not to.

It's true it is often harder to know how to manage childcare for older children, but a 12 year old should be fine for a couple of hours after school and there are playschemes in holidays, and in a couple of years they won't even need/want that.

You definately need to get your ex-husband to pay for his children, presumably he earns a good salary as you were able to not work whilst you were married to him. He divorced you not his children!

Savvy_Sue

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Whatever your situation, working and bringing up children is a juggling act. Doesn't matter if you are a single mum or a two parent family, you juggle. Even now, when my baby is 18 and only has to go to school for his A2 exams, and DS2 is at Uni and DS1 has left home, we juggle.

You already KNOW this. But now you just have the extra 'ball' of working being thrown in to YOUR situation.

Actually, I mean to say that 'bringing up children, whether working or not, is a juggling act'.

SAHMs juggle getting the shopping in, buying shoes, keeping the house tidy, laundry, washing up etc etc etc alongside meeting the children from school, getting them to their friends houses and having their friends round etc etc etc. Working is just another ball in the equation, and over time you get used to googlies being thrown your way (pardon the mixed metaphor).

Even if you have a partner, they're not necessarily a whole heap of use - mine left for work before we had to go out for school and came home after their tea, so ALL of the getting different children to different schools nightmare was mine, as was the picking them up from different places at different times. After school clubs, things like Beavers and Cubs, "can Johnny come and play / can I go to Johnny's house" - it's all juggling.

I can't speak for single Dads, but we Mums are fantastic the way we handle all this, so can we cope with work as well if we have to? YES WE CAN!

downshifter wrote: »

However at 16 you need to be there, I'll never forget coming home on the last day of the GCSEs and finding my son and friends drunk after sampling the home brew!

:rotfl: At least mine have always gone elsewhere and sobered up (roughly) before coming home!

BTW, if the OP has any experience of bookkeeping, there does seem to be a dearth of good ones out there, and plenty of opportunities for part-time school hours work. In school holidays there are often activities for children of secondary AND primary school age, so even if you don't see much change from what you earn that day, ignore that and balance it out over the year.

Also remember that if you wait until the youngest has left school, you'll have been out of the workplace for a VERY long time, and it really WON'T be easy to find a job - I'd be astonished if your confidence about being able to work hasn't taken a serious nose-dive apart from anything else. Personally I think there isn't a better time than this - although I'll declare a bias because mine were 7, 9 and 12 when I went back to full-time work. Scary? Absolutely terrifying. Possible? Yup. In theory, DH was home after school, but he often wasn't. Did I mention the juggling act? And guess who was sorting out the childcare if he couldn't be home? And while I was happy to leave the 12 year old on his own, there was no way I would have made him 'responsible' for the younger two.

DaisyFlower

MzJones wrote: »

Thanks for your input UP, I was worried that I was being hyper sensitive, but I appricate you see my piont



My mortgage isn't huge and I do get help, not housing benifit but the same department, they'll only pay half which means I have to pay the extra £200, but thats not my issue really...my issue is...I chose to be a mum...under no choice of my own I'm now a single mum...no dad in sight....(he's living the single life, no maintance either)....I want to bring up my kids, be here for them, not pay someone else to whilst I'm working...for, lets face it...I've been searching the JCP site for months and the wage per hour that companies offer these days is rot

Nobody stops being a mum simply by having a job, its what millions of parents do to support their family. Childcare does not bring up children, it simply provides a safe learning environment to care for children whilst their parents work - on your theory school would be raising your children.

Your 12 year old should be more than capable of looking after himself for a couple of hours after school and there is holiday childcare available or sports schemes etc if you need them in the holidays.

Having a child and working is a juggling act at times but its what people have to do to support the children they choose to have.