My Story

LavenderLily_2

Hi, I've posted a few times before telling how I am addicted to food and am in debt because of it. Also, I have mentioned how I have a spend, binge, scratch eczema, tidy house cycle which I seem to be locked into.
I apologise if what I write here is not appropriate but quite a few people here have asked me about why I am like I am and I just wanted to share my story. I think it will be cathartic for me and I hope it might help someone else who thinks they are alone.

I have said that my problems started from a very early age. Well, when I was a child I was sexually abused by my Grandfather. He is dead now, he died when I was 11 years old but as far back as I can remember, he used to touch me and kiss me in a way I didn't like. He used to kiss me with his tongue which I hated and I can't stand kissing to this day because of it. He would always be putting his hand into my knickers and I just didn't know there was anything wrong in that - I just knew it didn't feel 'right' and it was always when my Nan was out of the room of course.

I think my unhealthy relationship with food has stemmed from this because he used to have a tupperware tub which he called 'Pandora's Box'. It was always stuffed full of sweets and chocolate and it was just for me. Whenever I went to stay with my Nan and Grandad I would eat myself silly and was spoilt rotten but at the same time I was being touched and spoken to by him as if I was his girlfriend. He'd call me his 'Little Princess' and would write me letters which he left for me to find. I have still got some of them and while they are not sexually explicit, I do find some of the things in them quite disturbing now. I loved my Grandad so much. In fact, it was only when I was 15 years old and he had been dead for 4 years that it suddenly dawned on me that what he had done was wrong. I hate him now.

I can remember asking him once, when I was about 9 or 10, why he did those things and he replied 'Because you like it'.

Anyway, I know this is not really relevant to money saving and I'm not doing this to get sympathy or anything like that. It has helped for me to tell you guys, strangers though you are, because I already feel as though I am in a circle of friends.

Thank you so much.

LL

Tia0101

Hi LavenderLily,

Just wanted to send you a massive hug!! I think you are very brave to post your story and i hope in some way it has helped you. You recognise the problem and now you can begin to deal with it. I am no expert but maybe you should see someone to help you with the cycle you have found yourself in?

Good Luck honey

Tia xx

tired_mum

Hi Lilly how awful for you but at least you can talk about it on here and no one knows you and we can all help support you when you need us most sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers than people close to you
lots of hugs and best wishes coming your way :A

LJD1_2

Hiya Lily
First of all welcome to the board. I just wanted to send you hugs and support. It can't have been easy to post your story and I very much hope this can be a new beginning for you sorting out the things you're unhappy with. A very close friend of mine went through similar things when she was young and she got through it years later (last year) with the help of a fantastic group. I can't remember the name off hand but will find it out for you if you think it might help.
Take care
xx

lynzpower

lavender lily,

MOst of us DFWs are fully aware that our emotional state contributes to debt, and it certainly contributes to coming out of debt. KNowing yourself, your drives and motivations are ALWAYS the place to start when it comes to making positive changes.

Im so glad you felt able to share that with us, and with you thinking about how your relationship with food, and thus money, has come from this dark place, then in time you will be able to move forward, one day at a time, to getting this negative behaviour out of your life. Being debt free, for you, I sense will come naturally, once you have worked these things through.

http://www.safelinewarwick.co.uk/survivors.htm this might be a good place to start in getting extra support

LavenderLily_2

LJD1 wrote:

A very close friend of mine went through similar things when she was young and she got through it years later (last year) with the help of a fantastic group. I can't remember the name off hand but will find it out for you if you think it might help.
Take care
xx

That would be lovely, thank you very much!

LJD1_2

I've sent the information via private message.
Take care x

scottishspendaholic

LAvenderLily - thank you so much. I am so sorry that you had to go through that but I hope you now have excellent support from your OH, family and friends.

I look forward to getting to know you better.

scottishspendaholic x

bluezone

I admire you for your posting Lavender Lily. Big hugs from me xxxx

Luckystepho

Just wanted to add to the hugs and support, it shows a lot of courage to post your story, and like LJD says will hopefully now be the start of a new beginning for you.

xx

Snaggles

LavenderLily, I really admire your bravery in sharing your story - I hope you continue to find the strength to break the cycle. Very very best wishes to you, you deserve to find happiness and you are in the right place to get the encouragement you need along the way. Love Snaggles xxx