Did it again didn't I?! This cannot continue!

Anna1701

debtdesperado wrote: »

I think Miss Uni's advice is right re self-sabotaging behaviour. Have a think about the situation two ways:

1. when you think to yourself about being debt free, what is going to happen? How do you see your life? What is going to change?

2. how did you spend that money - I spent £42k on rubbish so I know how easily it can be done, but when I look back now, I see that I was always the first person at the bar flashing my card and always bought the last round (if not all the rounds), I always had to go somewhere flash and swanky, which meant I needed flash and swanky clothes to go with it. I also used to buy duplicates of things and was always buying presents for other people (often buying one for me too). Often these presents were very over the top (eg magnum of champagne, tiffany earrings...almost an embarassment to the receiver, rather than a nice treat). What image are you trying to present to the world, and therefore, what are you compensating for?

I used to talk all the time about "when I am debt-free I will...", but I notice now that my only ambition then was to buy more stuff! Now, my ambition is to make myself financially secure. That will be the only 'when I am debt free' change. I also spent money to distract myself from things that were making me unhappy - instead of thinking I feel unhappy because of X in my life and therefore how can I change X, I used to think I feel unhappy because of X in my life and therefore I need to treat myself to Y to feel better. They are completely different things and therefore were never going to help.

Maybe go for some counselling? At the moment it sounds as if you are treating the symptoms, but if you have run a big debt up that rapidly after doing so well and working so hard to pay it off, it might be worth spending a couple of hundred pounds on a few sessions of counselling to get to the bottom of your compulsions. I did 4 sessions and it was a huge relief to work out why I was messing my life up in the most fundamental financial way. Although I had done a few months of my debt-free journey, I think that was the real start.

Best of luck!

Wow - this is amazing. I had my LBM on Thursday and admitted to mine and my partners 36k of debt.

Thank you for your post, it was almost like you were talking about me.

The most helpful post I have read so far. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

robsmum_2

debtdesperado wrote: »

I think Miss Uni's advice is right re self-sabotaging behaviour. Have a think about the situation two ways:

1. when you think to yourself about being debt free, what is going to happen? How do you see your life? What is going to change?

2. how did you spend that money - I spent £42k on rubbish so I know how easily it can be done, but when I look back now, I see that I was always the first person at the bar flashing my card and always bought the last round (if not all the rounds), I always had to go somewhere flash and swanky, which meant I needed flash and swanky clothes to go with it. I also used to buy duplicates of things and was always buying presents for other people (often buying one for me too). Often these presents were very over the top (eg magnum of champagne, tiffany earrings...almost an embarassment to the receiver, rather than a nice treat). What image are you trying to present to the world, and therefore, what are you compensating for?

I used to talk all the time about "when I am debt-free I will...", but I notice now that my only ambition then was to buy more stuff! Now, my ambition is to make myself financially secure. That will be the only 'when I am debt free' change. I also spent money to distract myself from things that were making me unhappy - instead of thinking I feel unhappy because of X in my life and therefore how can I change X, I used to think I feel unhappy because of X in my life and therefore I need to treat myself to Y to feel better. They are completely different things and therefore were never going to help.

Maybe go for some counselling? At the moment it sounds as if you are treating the symptoms, but if you have run a big debt up that rapidly after doing so well and working so hard to pay it off, it might be worth spending a couple of hundred pounds on a few sessions of counselling to get to the bottom of your compulsions. I did 4 sessions and it was a huge relief to work out why I was messing my life up in the most fundamental financial way. Although I had done a few months of my debt-free journey, I think that was the real start.

Best of luck!

Amazing post! I think this describes everyone of us who visit here!