Did it again didn't I?! This cannot continue!

Silly_Girl_4

Hi

Im new to this site. Reading through this site shows me that im not alone in my conflict with debt. I have spent the last 2 years paying off £12,000 in debt. Next month is my last payment of £600 but guess what? Yes ive gone and done it again haven't I? I now owe £8000. The only saving grace is that I live with my mum. I turn 30 in January and am single. Im worried about my future and being able to look after myself if I can't control my finances. I need to grow up, I'm an adult! How am I ever going to meet someone and afford to move out and get my own place if I carry on like this? I understand that my situation is not a bad as others but I feel I need help not only in paying the debt off again but in combating WHY I keep doing this. Very disappointed in myself. Im going to do the state of affairs calcultor tonight when home.

daggz68

What have you bought to owe £8000 again?
Its high or rush of buying something new that maybe does it.
Used to with me, always wanting the newest fastest thing, then once paid for and had it a day or so, get bored and want something better
The thing is to keep occupied, get a hobby, enjoy the simple things in life

brokemedic

What did you spend the money on? Can you return the items at all and get your money back?

I found that identifying my triggers for spending enabled me to stop my excessive spending at the same time as I was paying it off. Also posting on here makes me stick to my plans whereas when I am not posting, I tend to always spend more.

Not sure if that helps and there will be better people along shortly but I found identifying triggers helped me.

Silly_Girl_4

The thing is ive not really bought anything of great value. Been shopping and gone out alot!! Its terrible! Its the going out that has done this to me. Its pathetic but its not like i cant stay in but I dont. Its like something is missing that I fill that gap with. Im doing a Marine Biology Degree and have started volunteering but i dont concentrate on it as much as I should. What an idiot!!!!!

brokemedic

Don't beat yourself over it - do something about it!

I am also a student but I fill up my time with paid work, exercise classes and go out about once a week - when I am not studying/lectures. There are cheaper ways of going out with friends - stay in, cheap booze and DIY pizza, student nights at the S.U. Yes, you can't stay in all the time but you also can't spend £8,000 going out - find cheaper alternatives. Cut up your cards and give one to your mother for emergencies.

If it's the socialising you're missing, what about a bar job a couple of nights a week? Earn money and enjoy yourself.

How does a student manage to get £8,000? All I can get are my student loans and my monthly pay.

maryotuam

Why do you feel the need to treat yourself to things that you havn't got the money for. How much happiness have these "things" brought you? Can you try and find inexpensive hobbies or volunteer to spend time helping vulnerable people to fill your spare time? How about shopping only for what you really need and forbid yourself from impulse buying. Tell yourself that you will go home and think about it before you buy someyhing that's not on your list.

People who judge others by the material goods they own (or borrow for) are really shallow. Is a well dressed and groomed criminal more worthy than someone in basic attire who is prepared to be a good Samaritan in a crisis?

Can you convince yourself that this IS the last time it will ever happen or are you going to be a slave to the money markets for life? If it never happens again you will have real sel-respect instead of self-loathing.

You are the boss of you!

Reading this backI sound like a self- righteous prat. Sorry. I wish you the best of luck. It's been 20 years since I've been in debt but that's the sort of stuff I used to say to myself.

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt

Heya,

I'm in a similar situation to you! I was very close to being debt free (£1500 left / 2 months away) I had kind of promised myself over and over that I'd be out of debt by New Year and when I worked out that I wouldn't make it due to car repairs and a long time without income (2 months) due to changing jobs I was pretty gutted.

I still am. So now I've got over £4k left to pay off! I've come to realise that maybe I'm partially scared of becoming debt free because then I'll have nothing to hold me back and I'll be in unfamiliar territory and I'll have to go and do all of the stuff in life that I promised myself I would! I guess reaching the ultimate goal takes away your aim in life! I think they call it self sabotaging behaviour, fear of success and all that!

Or maybe you were just rewarding yourself for getting to the end of the road and it went out of control. What has kept me going lately is exercise. I can't express how much it helps. I've got a new goal, I'm not wishing the months away and it's making me super fit and happy!

I think you just simply need to find a way to 'reward' yourself that doesn't involve spending money. Find ways to socialise that don't require shopping trips or lots of cash.

Finally, don't beat yourself up over it. Get back to it!

RobertoMoir

I have to agree with the others who say don't beat yourself up over it - because if you buy things because it feels good then putting yourself down for buying things all the time could lead to needing to buy things to cheer yourself up again and a never-ending cycle.

You do need to clear your head from the emotions and anger and think about why you're doing it and what you can do differently in the future to get out of that rut.

DarkConvict

Look at it this way you have paid off £4000 in 2 years, rather than £12,000 - £8,000 spending.

If shopping on going out were unnecessary expenses that cost £8,000. What you have brought start an EBay clear out to recoup some cash. Then cut up the cards so you can't use them, draw out from your bank a weekly spending allowance of £20/40 and stick to it! £40 a week is still £2000 a year, a very handsome figure.

debtdesperado

I think Miss Uni's advice is right re self-sabotaging behaviour. Have a think about the situation two ways:

1. when you think to yourself about being debt free, what is going to happen? How do you see your life? What is going to change?

2. how did you spend that money - I spent £42k on rubbish so I know how easily it can be done, but when I look back now, I see that I was always the first person at the bar flashing my card and always bought the last round (if not all the rounds), I always had to go somewhere flash and swanky, which meant I needed flash and swanky clothes to go with it. I also used to buy duplicates of things and was always buying presents for other people (often buying one for me too). Often these presents were very over the top (eg magnum of champagne, tiffany earrings...almost an embarassment to the receiver, rather than a nice treat). What image are you trying to present to the world, and therefore, what are you compensating for?

I used to talk all the time about "when I am debt-free I will...", but I notice now that my only ambition then was to buy more stuff! Now, my ambition is to make myself financially secure. That will be the only 'when I am debt free' change. I also spent money to distract myself from things that were making me unhappy - instead of thinking I feel unhappy because of X in my life and therefore how can I change X, I used to think I feel unhappy because of X in my life and therefore I need to treat myself to Y to feel better. They are completely different things and therefore were never going to help.

Maybe go for some counselling? At the moment it sounds as if you are treating the symptoms, but if you have run a big debt up that rapidly after doing so well and working so hard to pay it off, it might be worth spending a couple of hundred pounds on a few sessions of counselling to get to the bottom of your compulsions. I did 4 sessions and it was a huge relief to work out why I was messing my life up in the most fundamental financial way. Although I had done a few months of my debt-free journey, I think that was the real start.

Best of luck!

Izzie_Wizzie

debtdesperado wrote: »

I think Miss Uni's advice is right re self-sabotaging behaviour. Have a think about the situation two ways:

1. when you think to yourself about being debt free, what is going to happen? How do you see your life? What is going to change?

2. how did you spend that money - I spent £42k on rubbish so I know how easily it can be done, but when I look back now, I see that I was always the first person at the bar flashing my card and always bought the last round (if not all the rounds), I always had to go somewhere flash and swanky, which meant I needed flash and swanky clothes to go with it. I also used to buy duplicates of things and was always buying presents for other people (often buying one for me too). Often these presents were very over the top (eg magnum of champagne, tiffany earrings...almost an embarassment to the receiver, rather than a nice treat). What image are you trying to present to the world, and therefore, what are you compensating for?

I used to talk all the time about "when I am debt-free I will...", but I notice now that my only ambition then was to buy more stuff! Now, my ambition is to make myself financially secure. That will be the only 'when I am debt free' change. I also spent money to distract myself from things that were making me unhappy - instead of thinking I feel unhappy because of X in my life and therefore how can I change X, I used to think I feel unhappy because of X in my life and therefore I need to treat myself to Y to feel better. They are completely different things and therefore were never going to help.

Maybe go for some counselling? At the moment it sounds as if you are treating the symptoms, but if you have run a big debt up that rapidly after doing so well and working so hard to pay it off, it might be worth spending a couple of hundred pounds on a few sessions of counselling to get to the bottom of your compulsions. I did 4 sessions and it was a huge relief to work out why I was messing my life up in the most fundamental financial way. Although I had done a few months of my debt-free journey, I think that was the real start.

Best of luck!

Boy I wish I'd read that 10 years ago!!

Fantastic post :T