It was this morning...

LittleL_4

my cccs appointment. The girl I got was lovely and everything was explained in plain English. I felt so much better afterwards but i still feel like a loser getting myself into this situation in the first place.

I also want a baby in the next year or so (if it's part of the plan) and just dunno how I'm gonna manage etc...

Whether that's with my o/h or not again i dunno. We are arguing bout everything. He's bored coz he says i never have any money to go decent holidays etc...

My life sucks just now, can anyone cheer me up.

I'm penniless, childless, and maybe soon boyfriendless (is that a word?)

Little L
x

Bestthingsinlifearefree

With out sounding to old fashioned it could be nice to bring a baby into the world with a committed dad on the scene.

So perhaps hold fire on the baby thing until you have a stable relationship and the kid has a chance of at least begining with a dad in it's life.

Things will get better, try to make and maintain small positive changes each day.

elantan

sounds to me like you need a big hug so i'm sending you a virtual one ...if only i can find the button :grouphug: all the best with what ever you decide

anniebooklover

Awww sweetie, you need a hug. :grouphug: I think you have been given some very good advice by the other posters here. Take care of yourself first. Get yourself straight, then think about finding someone who deserves you to have a baby with. Sounds like your boyfriend wants the young, free and single life. You deserve someone who wants to be with you whether you can afford holidays or not.

There is an old saying that I have adopted as my motto since my separation: A life lived in fear is a life unlived.

Start living LittleL. Who knows what the future could bring?

I wish you all the best for the future

Mirtos

Oh dear. You sound really glum. I find if I tackle just one thing at a time it helps! (although I do realise, all your issues are kinda bundled up together!) so: 1) The money - you've been to CCCs and are clearly on the right path. Things just take time unfortunately. However, a supportive OH would make things much easier which brings me to ... 2) OH. I don't know the history of your relationship, but have you explained to him your reasons for having no money? Why you want to be debt free? If he knows how important this is to you, and is still being sulky about the lack of posh holidays, then how can you trust him to be part of a supportive, fair and equal partnership in the long term? which brings me to...3) The baby. Whose 'plan' is this? It sounds as though it's yours rather than yours and OHs, but I could be wrong. Babies are expensive, and ideally you need a supportive OH, both emotionally and financially, to bring a child up. (Please note, I'm not criticising single parents, or saying they do a lesser job, this isn't the case. I just mean that they have a harder job than those in stable relationships, because they don't have someone to share the responsibilities with. Please don't take offence anyone - non is meant.)So my point is, you need to have tackled 1 and 2, before you even think about 3 - for your own peace of mind and happiness, as well as that of the child. If this OH turns out not to be 'the one', I think you'll be happier disregarding 'the plan' until you find the right daddy for any little LittleLs! Worrying about wanting a baby wont help you tackle 1 and 2 effectively either. I know it's frustrating, but maybe think of the DFW / sorting OH out process as saving up security and happiness for a baby?

LittleL_4

It's just all a mess and more complictated coz I'm now 37 and the thought of moving on and finding a new partner scares me and I don't have alot of time on my hands.

I know I can get pregnant (lets just leave it at that) but I think my o/h hasn't really grown up yet and still likes his nights out with the boys and his trips away with the football. He's 5 years younger than me maybe that's why?

But I'm going onto this debt management plan without him knowing anything about it (says alot bout out relationship, doesn't it?).

My concern is if I leave him (we live together) and I want to rent somewhere then who's gonna allow me if I'm on this DMP?

Gawd what a mess...

I feel stuck in a rut. I know there's so much more life has to offer and I need to get out there and live it but right now I feel overwhelmed about the hurdles that lie ahead.

Little L
x

ps. having a baby would mean the world to me and it would break my heart not to have any..

Glitterari

Babe, difficult time for you, and I understand you feel like time is running out, but I think you would make things a lot tougher for yourself by having a baby in the forseeable future.

Remember, there are a lot of children already out there who are in desperate need of love and attention.

Emmzi

LittleL,

2 weeks ago everything was 'off' between me and b/f. I was cranky about impending unemployment, he'd been signing on. Now I have a job and can stop worrying, and he's going to college, it's made all the difference. Not that we're back to perfect hearts and flowers, but all doesn't seem lost any more.

Don't judge things on your state of mind when things are at their lowest. Give it a few weeks for your DMP to kick in, and see how you feel about things.

Why haven't you told him about DMP? Maybe he'd relax knowing you were fixing things?

Mirtos

Aww Hun. I know how important having kids is, but really you have time - my sister has just had her first kid at 42, and my mum didn't have me until she was 41, so nowadays, there's nothing to worry about with pregnancy in your 40s - in my case, my mum and dad were better parents for those few extra years, they say it, my older sisters say it, I say it - so don't feel more pressurised to have a baby now now now than you need to. I really think you need to sit down and have an adult conversation with your OH. Tell him what you need, ask what he needs, and see if you can meet each other's needs. (too many "needs" in that sentence, but you see what I mean!) If you can't, then you have to decide what your next step is with that knowledge in mind. Thnking of you.xxx

QueenB.

If you can't tell your OH about your debt problems then how can you have a child with him?

I know their are people on here who have not told OH about their debt and that is their choice.

However i know that my relationship is built on truth and trust and that has also made our parenting relationship strong, we are a team, the children are aware of that and that he and i support each other and our decisions so their is no playing one off against the other, no asking one when the other says no and so on.

I understand that you want a baby, and i know at teh moment things look bleak and time feels like it is running out but i really feel you need to sort your problems out with your OH before going ahead and trying for a baby, as much as they are a wonderful gift they also come with many restrictions and if he feels tied down and as if your relationship is boring now just wait till a baby hits the scene. Plus it will also impact your debt problem and at the moment are you ready for that and how it will make you feel emotionally (about the debt not about the baby).

I know one of the hardest things about my debt is how it makes me feel as a parent.

Give yourself a few weeks, really think things over and then go from there, sometimes logic has to come before emotion and i am a great believer in its not about what we want but about what a child wants and needs that really matters.

Good luck:grouphug:

LittleL_4

Thanks guys you're all making sense and I definitely would'nt get myself pregnant for the sake of fulfilling MY needs.

I think it's nice to know that the option is there though, but we don't even discuss the issue and at my age we should be.

I think I've been burying my head in the sand when it comes to my relationship as well as my debt. Things need to change big time. I'm not happy, he's not that happy and I think the inevitable is around the corner.

I watch him with my niece and nephew when they're over and I sometimes feel he thinks they're a bother. So maybe having kids just isn't in his equation. That's ok, but when it's a huge part of mine then what option do we have other than to split.

I just want to feel secure in a family unit and openly discuss things as a couple. I've constantly got a sore throat and i think it's coz i'm not communicating my inner thoughts etc...

But i'll take you're advice, sit on things for a few weeks and assess the situation when my heads not as fuzzy.

Thanks

little L
xx