Help Please! CSA are going to destroy my family!

Yummy-Mummy_8

I need help n advice what to do?? Im asking this for my boyfriend....

Our current situation is, we have 3 children between us. 1 each with an ex n 1 together. My eldest daughter is 2yrs n has never known or seen her "sperm donor", my partner now, is her dad as far as anyone is concerned, we was together from me bein 6months pregnant n he was there at the birth etc. I give her real dad opportunity after opportunity to see her n be a part of her life but he didnt want too, i then went to the CSA so i could actually say to my daughter that i had tried with him... I now recieve 13 PENCE a week in CSA payments from him. Which goes nowhere! That isnt the problem though...

Me & my boyfriend have been together 3 years now and livin together for 2 years. We've been getting along n managing just fine up to now. We dont go out or anything and we dont have anything of value. We just get by with what money we have. Untill.now.... His daughter from his previous relationship was living with a member of my partners family from her being 18month old. Her mother was deemed unfit and a member of my partners family took on the role of foster parents and was being paid by social services for the care of the child. In that time, my partner helped with expenses such as trips, clothes, shoes, school accessories etc. Where as her mother (my partners ex) paid nothing in the whole 8 years of her living with them. Though she (my partners ex) was in receipt of child benefit and tax credit for the child, whilst she was not living with her or even caring for her!

Now, the mother has got the child back (8 years on) and has took my partner straight to the CSA. She has been awarded 44 pound a week, plus back pay for a few months worth of payments... It only totals around 700 pounds compared to some stories ive heard, but that is 700 pounds that we dont have. We cant even afford the 44 pound a week! My partner is the bread winner of the family for now, as we have a 2 year old n a 1 year old at home, i always said once both my children are in nursery/school then i will be straight back to work, but the way things are going now im going to have to start back work sooner in order to afford to live!

The CSA havent even took into consideration that we have children living with us or that we have bills etc to pay. Not even rent or council tax! The mother was working but has apparently give it up (which we dont believe as she does bar work - cash in hand) My partner gets about 260 per week and at the end of that we are left with nothing. Like i say we dont go out anywhere unless its for a special occasion and even that is rare! The mother is out every weekend, sometimes during the week and is in town shopping all the time, has big tvs, car etc n we have nothing!

When my partner n his ex were together, they had a council house together and left with debts, when we got our house together we was made to pay them arrears off (it wasnt even my debt, n was only half his) Yet there is no justice in any of this as we still have to scrimp n save for anything while she is out n about splashing the cash!

Anybody have any help or advice?? It seems to be that the CSA spend their time chasing the good dads that are willing to pay, where as the bads ones get away with paying 13 PENCE a week!

Im at my witts end with this as i cant see us managing, seeing as we can only just manage now!!

Oh n top it all off, we need a DNA which we cant find help with anywhere as we can not afford to pay for this on top of the CSA arrears & weekly payments!

shell_542

Unfortunately, the CSA do not take into account any bills in the Non Resident Parent's household. But they should be taking into account your partner has 2 children living with him. He needs to get that sorted out asap. He should have a 20% reduction of his net income first and then 15% of the remainder would be paid to the Parent With Care.

Why does he need a DNA test done? He should/could have requested one at the start when the CSA contacted him by disputing parentage. They would have organised one for him and if it were negative, they would cover the costs. If it were positive, he would have to pay them but they are cheaper than going through the company yourself.

But, why is he needing a DNA test done when he has has the little girl in his life for so long and she was even being looked after by his family? It would be very upsetting for the child.

Unfortunately, the CSA also do not care about how much the PWC is earning or what they are spending their money on as unfair as it may seem.

He needs to get the calculation done properly for starters, having the children taking into consideration. Also does he have his child overnight at all? As he may get a reduction for that too. Other than that, unfortunately, there is no way of avoiding the CSA as they will keep hounding you. It might be a case that you will have to go back to work sooner than you hoped. I hope you can find something that will actually make it worth while as I am struggling at the moment when factoring in childcare costs x

Yummy-Mummy_8

Oh and just to add.... We have no contact what so ever with the mother as she gets very volatile and nasty especially to me and my children. She recently moved to the same area as us to cause problems and my partner packed his previous job in as she was always going into his work harrassing her. He now has a new job etc and she has found out where he works and has called in 4 times in the past 5 months to harrass him, that was untill we said we was going to take this further as my partner is then in breach with his work as no one is allowed in to see him and he could get the sack... Anyway, coz this is worrying us so much we decided to set up a second account on a social networking site that his ex is on, in order to contact her and offer her a private agreement between us all for the child support to be paid. She again got nasty and rejected the offer.... Hence the reason im here asking for help! She is a nasty person and does not play things by the book!

Please help!!

shell_542

I'd stay well away and if she keeps harassing him, contact the police and log all incidents with a view of getting a restraining order if it continues. Although if you keep contacting her on a social networking site, she could do the same to you.

Yummy-Mummy_8

The reason he needs a DNA test is because, when they first got together (which was very quickly) she was sleeping with other people. There again she was all the way through their relationship. He was offered one by social services when they first got care of the child but he declined it as he didnt see the point in it... Since then we've found alot more info out and family members have all come forwarded n questioned the paternity as she looks nothing like any of his family at all. Also, we've had a child together since then of same sex as the child in question an they also look nothing alike. Completely different! My child is the spit of their dad where as the one in question has no similarities at all. There is genuine reasons why but i cant really put all of them on here because of legal reasons unfortunatly and i and my partner would be in trouble if i said anythin more than i already have x

shell_542

It's a shame because the case being opened against him with the CSA would have been a perfect opportunity for getting a DNA test done and him not having to pay it if it proved he wasn't the child's father.

I wouldn't focus too much on looks though, my husband has 3 children (2 different mothers) and the kids don't look that alike anymore. They did when little. One is blonde, the other mousy brown and one very dark and we know they are all his as one has had a DNA test done and the other 2 are mine lol

Yummy-Mummy_8

Well the reason we did it on the social network site was so that everything was saved and if we needed it to pass on to Police/CSA/Social Services, then we had it as she is very good at twisting things to become the innocent one. So i preferred this method rather than a phone call, which at first she was insisting. That was when she turned nasty this time, all coz we wouldnt phone her and sort it over the phone.

But i agree, and thank you about the restraining order. Thats definatly something we will look into if she continues x

shell_542

I agree with the phone thing. Using Email is good for communicating as you have a record too.

The main point is though to ensure the CSA assessment is correct and it doesn't sound like it is. Make sure your 2 children living with you are included in the assessment and that should reduce the weekly payments a small amount. Not by much though I'm afraid.

Yummy-Mummy_8

shell_542 wrote: »

It's a shame because the case being opened against him with the CSA would have been a perfect opportunity for getting a DNA test done and him not having to pay it if it proved he wasn't the child's father.

I wouldn't focus too much on looks though, my husband has 3 children (2 different mothers) and the kids don't look that alike anymore. They did when little. One is blonde, the other mousy brown and one very dark and we know they are all his as one has had a DNA test done and the other 2 are mine lol

Yeah i agree. He hasnt disputed the DNA to the CSA but they havent took him up on this, he hasnt agreed to any payments or anything yet as we was trying to find out what was happening with the DNA test. He was meant to have been allowed it via social services but they have said no to them paying for it now, so he is just waiting to hear back from CSA. But from what i hear, i doubt them agreeing to it either as he didnt say anything in the first place but like i say thats coz he thought social services was sorting it first. So it looks like we'll have to go privatly for that too.

Thanks for your help hun x

GEEGEE8

Have the DNA done, have you been told how much it would be? Must be worth a try if you genuinely don't think the child is his.

Try ringing CSA like another poster said, clarify that they have all the household information.

Can you not shop her in for benefit fraud if she works?

markeymark

unfortunately if there are arrears they can take up to 40% of your partners net earnings, sympathise with you 100% with CSA but unfortunatly he will just have to find a way to pay, but i notice you sat he earns £260 per week and he is paying £44 out of that is this them including the arrears? if not then their figure is wrong