Help and advice needed please x

lostangel

Hi,

I am considering an IVA or bankruptcy and would appreciate some advice on what would be best. My situation is that I have about £45k worth of debts in loans and credit cards which my ex-partner totted up during an abusive relationship transactions under duress and fraudulent transactions. I am currently in contact with the police and the banks about the fraud, and am getting nowhere fast, am also waiting on the police to finish their investigating until my debt counsellor can progress the transactions under duress with the banks, but even that isnt that hopeful. Hence the position I am in now, I earn about £1100 a month and the debt minimum payments are about £950 a month, currently I am borrowing money off my mum but cant do that forever, a solution is needed. It is affecting me mentally and physically (Anxiety, depression and IBS) and it is affecting the relationship i have with my new partner. My thoughts are that I cant wait for all the banks and the police to make a decision about what they are going to do i need to do something.

Sorry for the rambling but if anyone has any advice, or experience on where i should go from here that would be great.

p.s im in the process of selling my house which i own with my mum in order to relocate, owe her the equity in the house for all the help she has been giving me. Going to rent, think that is also the best option, but would appreciate advice.

lostangel

Sorry me again, Also any ideas on how IVAs or bankruptcy will affect my current partner as obviously the debt isnt his but we live together.

trudij

oh heck,what a situation - poor you.

I cant help hugely i dont think - but Im fairly sure if you were to enter into an IVA it shouldnt affect your new partner at all,if they ask what their earnings are its to work out what your share of the household bills are,not to sting him for anything....

Im sure someone FAR more helpful will be along soon though

x

Charco_2

Trudij's right, neither BR nor an IVA would have an affect on your new partner. The debts are not in his name so he could not be expected to contribute to them and he has his own credit file separate from anyone else's so there wouldn't be a problem there either!

If you're looking to relocate and then rent then perhaps BR would be the better option for you, since you would not have a significant asset to protect but certainly look into both options.

(wouldn't hang in there for the police/counsellor/duress angle because it would be near on impossible to prove and too unpredicatble to sort out. Forget about it and look to the future, be proactive in sorting this out yourself and if anything does come of your ex's behaviour then it's a bonus!)

debtmeoutofhere

I recommend you ring the National Debline. My own experience may help I sought out the Citizens Advice route and found them brilliant. Sadly at the time had my head so far down a dark tunnel that I could not absorbe what they were telling me, I felt low, ashamed and mentally weak all the usual stess and strains from lost nights sleep and constant anxiety so when they advised Br, It just stressed me out more... I felt that it was a massive leap and that they could not have reached such a conclusion so quickly, and were quite mad How wrong I was, and if I had the time again I would have taken their advise. At the time I did not have the balance that they had, I did not consider that they met folk like me everyday, I was too involved in my own problem to recognise that they were the one's with the clear and unemotional head and having it enabled them to advise me well. Trust me if you are in the same state this is the critical part. Don't dismiss the good advise. It decided to seek a 2nd opinion using a debt line from the internet for 'free advice' Oh and how nice those folk were they let me splurge , my life out on the phone, discuss the worry and shame and they made nice soothing noises. Then Wham they were there to put me in touch with a 'proper' adviser who knew their stuff...they called me the next day ( how efficient ) they told me of how some folk feel the shame of BR, how the local paper might report the Br and how they understood the guilt I had ....so guess what the golder IVA was rolled out to me...Yes and how lucky was I that they could handled my IVA too.... what a luckly day I had all those years back* Not...swept along I was signed up two weeks later.....ALthough I had no assets, nothing of value besides an old banger I ended up for a couple of years in an IVA which left me living on really tight shoe string for years. It's not great, trust me I lived in charity shops, I shopped at mark down times, I turned down lots and lots of important events and moments in my life because I could tell very few that I was paying the piper. Yes, some may say it is paying your dues, but to be honest don't believe a word of it, because when I could I got an early settlement and I saw on my final paperworth that every one but the dog seemed to have dined out on my IVA, the charges from the IVA admin ( whoevever they are, never heard of or saw or spoke to an IP in four years....were shamless. ) and there topping it all off was the initial free debt companies referral charge ( no idea it existed again that has to be the most expensive phone call I have ever made in my life £400 for ten minutes...) lets face it they all had a good meal on me. ....so all that paying back and feeling good. No, cannot say I have ever had that feeling and I paid back 31k of a 33k debt in the end and feel cheated whilst putting my life on hold. years I cannot get back. My advice is to that given my time again Iwould have taken the CAB Advice 1st time around. It was free, they were willing to support and help me to process my Br, and my life would have been sorted far earlier. If you have something to lose like your home , business etc then IVA works, if not go take the other road , life is too short ... My debt too was not from being a big spender but down to helping someone else and trusting them to do the right thing. I suggest listen to those who have nothing to gain from your current situation such as the National Debtline or those brilliant folk at the CAB or the lovely folk on this forum. If your stressed and anxious you might like me not take the time to do that and end up further down the road wishing someone had really made you think. trust me IVA and Br are both hard decisions to make. but do what is right for yourself and don't let the shame or guilt of where you might be now, rule your decisions. Sorry for the ramble, just don't you to have another perspective.

Charco_2

Good story, good post!