I need some support!

MrsTinks

Ok I'm going to be firmly in the "please wait" camp I'm afraid... We have very steady incomes and pretty good ones at that - but if there is one thing I would have changed if I could? It would be being debt free before starting a family... I had my daughter a year ago at 29 and biologically I'm glad I didn't wait, but financially I know it would have been so much better to have waited even just a single year... I could have been debt free when we had her... silly me. Why? Because I had to return to work sooner than I'd have liked as money ran out - if I'd been debt free I could have stayed home at least 12 months - or at least returned part time.

Also - you both have very uncertain sources of income - you say "WHEN it picks up" but I think that's unrealistic... and I'm not sure you have really had your lightbulb moment yet - sorry. If there isn't work through your self employed work then your husband or you should seriously consider a contracted PAYE job. This will give you a set income which will be vital if you want a family whilst you're still in debt...

I did a few self employed bits and pieces whilst on maternity and honestly I think you're being very unrealistic and frankly selfish trying for a baby right now... I know that sounds very very harsh but look at the worst case... what will you do if work DOESN'T pick up soon for both of you? What if you can't work whilst pregnant? A lot of women have such severely dibilitating morning sickness that they can't work, others have mobility issues due to the excess elastin in the body etc - how will you cope if you have a C-section and are not allowed to move or lift for 6 weeks?
I know these are pretty rare instances (apart from the C-sec) but as one of those who had the morning sickness to the point of being rushed to hospital to spend 3 days on a drip I can promise you it happens! I was lucky I had sickpay from work... but you won't have that I am guessing?

Think very very carefully about continuing with trying to concieve... take a year out and try everything you can to hammer the debts down, then look at how you will cope financially when the baby arrives and start thinking about trying again... As for age... my stepmother had my younger brother in her late thirties, my father was in his early fifties... you might have a lot more time to have kids than you realise (and my father is far more financially stable now than when I came on the scene! And he's able to enjoy my brother growing up because he doesn't have to work 7 days a week to pay the mortgage and bills...)

Wilma33

You have 2 cars but spend £40 a month on fuel - is that correct? If so, can you sell the one or both cars and put the £1K they are worth towards your debt?

pureaswhite

Hi,

Just want to say I totally understand how you feel. I am single and paying everything on my own, where all my friends have two household income. It was one of the hardest things in the world to say to them I couldn't go on the hen do's or birthday nights out. I ended up compromising and if they were going for a meal offered to meet them after. Sometimes (rarely) I drove and that way would not be spending too much on alcohol. I know it is boring but it won't be like that forever. Just until you get back on your feet. Often hen do's they have aboard will have a more local alternative. I understand it is a bit embarrasing but I wouldn't worry. Everyone understands there is a recession on and people are struggling. You'll find that they will be more considerate when planning nights out and may opt to have dinner and drinks at home instead and invite you round.

Good luck and just try put aside wkly money and say you are not going to spend more than that per week until things are picking back up.

pureaswhite

Also, I don't really think it is appropriate for other people to advise you on whether or not to start a family. If you are ready your ready!

Good Luck with everything x

MrsTinks

pureaswhite wrote: »

Also, I don't really think it is appropriate for other people to advise you on whether or not to start a family. If you are ready your ready!

It is entirely appropriate - starting a family is a large financial commitment - if someone is finding it hard making ends meet before the child arrives and that it's causing a large amount of stress then I can promise that it will seem like a walk in the park compared to when the child arrives on the scene... if you want advice from real people who live in the real world who have often "been there, got the T-shirt, baseball cap and novelty slippers" you come to places like MSE - if you want cold, factual, textbook advice you pay a financial advisor

It is ALWAYS up to a poster whether they decide to take the advice offered or not, all the other forumites can do is offer THEIR perspective and points of view.