Children and helping around the house.

wigginsmum

laura1976 wrote:

Currently got 7 binbags of toys, books and general 10 year olds junk in the loft because she refused to tidy up when I was having double glazing fitters in.

Throw the bags out - that's what I've done when the kids have refused to tidy their rooms; I go round with binbags, gather up everything out of place and throw it away. There were tantrums when Barbie went byebye but I persevered. I'm not having lazy stepkids - we both work fulltime and when they come to stay with us, I expect them to help out the same as if they lived with us permanently. I also do it when DH hoards useless magazines and toot - he doesn't notice.

Penny-Pincher!!

My DD (11) is naturally messy and lazy...must be in her fathers genes:p she is also stroppy.

We have pulled the TV, stereo, game console and computer from her room at times. We have stopped her pocket money etc too, but if she is in one of her stresses, then she really doesnt care! When she gets like this and does nothing...I ask her to stay in her room because I dont want to spend time with her as shes horrible etc! This normaly does work as she hates people thinking badly of her..I also say Im very disapointed in you and that we havent bought her up to be so rude.

She is a good girl generally and dont normally have many complaints about her, as Ive seen some of her friends and would have killed them if they were mine as they are SSOOOOOOOOOOOO rude:eek: :eek:

Good luck
PP
xx

wigginsmum

When the hormones hit, it's like a personality transplant for them. It does get better - stepdaughter has balanced out after about 2 years (now 12 and a half) and is back to being sweet again. But when she was going through it , it was a nightmare for us all - her brother only had to look at her funny and it was screaming tantrums and crying and running to her room and sobbing into the pillow.

Penny-Pincher!!

I hope so:D

PP
xx

laura1976

Penny-Pincher!! wrote:

My DD (11) is naturally messy and lazy...must be in her fathers genes:p she is also stroppy.

We have pulled the TV, stereo, game console and computer from her room at times. We have stopped her pocket money etc too, but if she is in one of her stresses, then she really doesnt care! When she gets like this and does nothing...I ask her to stay in her room because I dont want to spend time with her as shes horrible etc! This normaly does work as she hates people thinking badly of her..I also say Im very disapointed in you and that we havent bought her up to be so rude.

She is a good girl generally and dont normally have many complaints about her, as Ive seen some of her friends and would have killed them if they were mine as they are SSOOOOOOOOOOOO rude:eek: :eek:

Oh good, it's not just me then! Mine can be really lovely but when she decides it's not getting done I have no chance! Then we do the little chat and she cries and says she's sorry and it's all lovely again for about 2 days, then it all starts again:mad:

Jet

Thanks everyone for all the replies it's been really interesting to read.

I now realise that my son does already do quite a bit.

Put his dirty clothes in the wash.
Take his dishes to the sink.
Pack his school bags.
Tidy his room and his own mess in the house.
Posts letters for me at the post box at the end of the road.
Lays the table occasssionally

I think I might add emptying the dishwasher.

Kazonline

Laura1976 - you're far from alone. While lots of us know what we consider to be our childrens tasks, I doubt if many of us get them to do these things automatically. My DS2 who is 12 throws a wobbly almost every time I ask him to do something - even though it is often for himself (ok perhaps washing his hair is more for my benefit!). He reminds me of that clip where 'Kevin the teenager' drops his tie on the floor, and when asked to pick it up yell 'why do I have to do EVERYTHING'
Perserverance is the only answer I'm afraid. Don't be tempted to ever back down - whatever you ask her to do leave it for her to do, and keep reminding her. While my DS2 will stubbornly postpone doing things to prove that I can't 'make him' do things by taking away tv's etc it really seems to irritate him when I frequently remind him nicely of his job until it's done. (admitedly I'm not allways patient enough for that approach)
EDIT - Another idea just came to me when I re-read your post. I'm very much like you in that I like them to do things the instant I ask - expecting them to drop whatever it is they were doing. Perhaps on occasions when she says 'after this' ask how long 'this' is going to be, and consider if that's acceptable. If it is, tell her so and thank her for her cooperation (that'll floor her, lol). If not, give your reasons and stand your ground.
HTH
Kaz x

[Deleted User]

I have 3 grown up children. Having the children help around the house has completely paid off. I got some help from them when they were young but the biggest spin-off for me is seeing that all mine can cook healthily, clean a house well, wash their clothes and run their finances

Don`t ever doubt the good that will come from your child helping

I remember when I started work and divided the ironing into 5 piles ie a pile for each person including DH. They all learned to iron well and safely. LOL I remember my son ironing only the front of his shirt at 15 as he was wearing a blazer all day

At one time my eldest DD was doing a btec at 18 as a result of the `wrong company` holding her back at school. She earned money by me employing her at a very good wage as a cleaner. She did a fantastic job for me and kept her pride. This self-sufficiency has eventually led her into a super responsible job with a ftse 100 top company.

Nothing was handed to my children on a plate but 30 years later they still thank me for the good childhood they each had

PS don`t think it was easy. They did their fair share of moaning at the time. Just keep the boundaries in place and be consistent

SusanCarter

When I was a child we did lots of jobs which I never even thought of as jobs until I just read them in people's lists. We would always open our own curtains, make our own beds and put out clothes in the washbasket. Also mum would put our clean clothes next to our wardrobes for us to put away. To me these were no more jobs than getting dressed or cleaning my teeth and I can't remember not doing them (although obviously we couldn't have done them from birth).

We took it in turns to clear the table and load the dishwasher and we had allocated areas we had to clean each Saturday. We were also responsible for our own rooms. I made the pudding (usually custard or semolina) every day from age 5 to 17 when I got a cleaning job in a local school and wasn't in to do it. Before we stopped having a milkman, I used to bring the milk in in the morning. My parents used to set out the breakfast things before they went to bed and then in the morning my brother and I used to boil the kettle (which was already filled) and put out the fridge things like juice, milk, bread, margerine and jam. Other jobs (such as making lunch, setting the table and laundry) tended to be done on a more ad hoc basis as and when we were asked. Tidying up after ourselves was standard - if you didn't tidy up then you probably wouldn't be allowed to do that thing the next time you asked. One time after I'd gone to university my mum got my youngest brother to make the custard. He burnt it on purpose so he wouldn't have to do it agin so she made him make some more and told him that if he burnt that batch he would have to go and buy more milk from his own money. She always said that in the short term it is harder work to get children to do jobs rather than doing everything for them but in the long term it is much better.

kittiwoz

I think it is really important for children to do simple housework. I'm a naturally untidy person and always hated tidying my room but it was my job and I had to do it. I also helped tidy and vac the rest of the house occasionally which I minded less because it wasn't just me working. I helped with the cooking (which I now really enjoy), washing up and putting away. When I was in secondary school I did my own laundry and ironing.

Of the five other people I now live with three have clearly had mummy do eveything for them and now I end up having to play mummy to grown men only a couple of years younger than myself. My other two housemates are staying with their parents over the Summer and I myself went to visit my parents for a week and a half returing to find no one had done any washing up or taken the bins out in my absence and the kitchen bin was full of cans and plastic bottles that should have been washed up for recycling. I'm sure a lot of you will think I'm a mug for doing their washing up and sorting their rubish but if I don't do it noone else will and it's easier just to do it frequently than let it pile up. I do try to train them a little. Sometimes I can get them to dry if I wash up, or even to wash up if I dry, or to mop the floor if I wash up and wipe down the sufaces. When there are more people here we have a regular family meal night on Monday when each person has different tasks, ie. fetch dirty dishes, wash up, dry, put away, cook, tidy sitting room, lay table, hoover, mop kitchen, take bins out and this works very well to get everyone pitching in and make sure the kitchen and sitting room get a clean and all the washing up is done at least once a week. Unfortunately if I don't want the washing up all piling up til Monday by which time we will be running out of cutlery and crockery I have to do other people's because, frankly, it's too late to house train them now. You might find it difficult to get your kids to help out with housework but please persevere while they're young and pliable, you'll be saving a lot of work for someone else later.