A moan about HTB

alenax

Men are sometimes just so... grr!

Planning a wedding for July next year and he says he wants to be involved in the planning process, great... except when it comes to actually doing something like sitting down with me and writing out the guestlist, he's either tired or has something to do (like play Modern Warfare... any other Xbox widows out there? )! I've said to him that I don't mind if he just wants to turn up on the day but he insists he wants to be involved. Whyyyyy oh why?!

And also, does anyone else's man get really defensive about things? He has a huge family and a lot of them have offered to help out, which is obviously cool, but when I say to him that I've found a cheaper solution, he gets moody because "we already have someone doing it". Considering we're on a tight budget, I think most of them will understand if we find a way to cut prices (but not corners). Ugh, silly...

Anyway, sorry about that

shellsuit

Although I'm an COD widow too (he's sat next to me playing it lol), my OH is super with regards to the wedding as he's all for helping and suggesting things.

Have a chat with your OH about the budget and see what you can afford for each thing ~ he might see then that you can't have people helping if it's going to cost more than you have budgeted for.

poppyscorner

I completely see where you're coming from it has frustrated me for a little while now.

My solution was to assign OH jobs his current one is sorting out the entertainment and he's really excited about sorting that out I ask his opinion on all of the other stuff and we talk through things together but he seems much more into it now he has his own job to be doing I decided it was one of the bits I wasn't quite as manic about as the others and he will take both our tastes into consideration but ultimately the decision and the finding of the right thing is up to him can't wait to see what we have

xx

alenax

shellsuit wrote: »

Although I'm an COD widow too (he's sat next to me playing it lol), my OH is super with regards to the wedding as he's all for helping and suggesting things.

Have a chat with your OH about the budget and see what you can afford for each thing ~ he might see then that you can't have people helping if it's going to cost more than you have budgeted for.

It's not a specific thing that he gets defensive about, just whenever I came up with different suggestions, he got all moody with me because apparently we've already decided. For example, having the reception at one of my relatives' closer to London so we wouldn't have far to get to the airport the next day, and hiring transport for everyone to get there and back. This caused a massive sulk because apparently "no one will come". Sigh.

alenax

poppyscorner wrote: »

I completely see where you're coming from it has frustrated me for a little while now.

My solution was to assign OH jobs his current one is sorting out the entertainment and he's really excited about sorting that out I ask his opinion on all of the other stuff and we talk through things together but he seems much more into it now he has his own job to be doing I decided it was one of the bits I wasn't quite as manic about as the others and he will take both our tastes into consideration but ultimately the decision and the finding of the right thing is up to him can't wait to see what we have

xx

Thank you! How annoying is it?? Unfortunately he has a very laid back approach about things and nothing would ever get sorted if I left it up to him. It sounds very bridezilla-ish but I'm really not, I've been moaning at him to call the church for several months now, just given up and decided to do it myself.

By the way, I found this website a couple of months ago and it's great for men who want to find out more about weddings but are scared of the gushy flowery girly sites: http://www.iamstaggered.com/ it's a men's magazine about weddings etc and it's actually pretty amusing even for women (even though we're not part of their target audience)

Stephb1986_2

another COD widdow here! After this weekend I'm not to sure about the relationship I've found him to be sly in alot of things which I don't like I will have to have a serious think about it all in the next few weeks

Steph xx

Gleeful

I'm a World of Warcraft widow myself!

alenax

Stephb1986 wrote: »

another COD widdow here! After this weekend I'm not to sure about the relationship I've found him to be sly in alot of things which I don't like I will have to have a serious think about it all in the next few weeks

Steph xx

Awww no well hopefully whatever you decide will be for the best! I take it it's not COD related hehe.

Seriously though, that game drives me up the wall, for example when he gets in from work and I'm already home, I always stop what I'm doing and make him a cup of tea and ask him how his day was etc. When I get in and he's already home, I get a disinterested, "alright?" and then BOOM BANG KILL etc on the TV without even waiting for an answer.

I hate moaning about it to him because he does work hard and should do whatever he wants in his spare time, and I am a bit of a Sims geek, but honestly... a 5 min break where you ask about someone's day makes a big difference!

Ah well at least the planning is going well, even though we were up until 4am bickering about what we're going to play for our first dance.

Gleeful

Oh no Steph, sounds like you're really down. Let us cheer you up x

bubble96

oh dear! ok i am not a widow as such, OH generally plays when im out, or before i come in from work, and when i do come in he pauses to say hello, and then only continues to next save point, so guess im quite lucky! But, he was still terrible with involvement at the beginning- i think it took 4 months for him to decide and ask his friend to be best man! and i honestly believe this is because men really struggle to plan for something that feels so far away, and because men often dont understand what exactly goes in to planning a wedding. What i did was write a list of absoloutely everything including decision making like timings, and music etc, everything you need to do, and plan it out for the time left before your wedding, i had a list for each month, and then show him - if you cant get him to stop for that leave it somewhere he cant avoid seeing it. i had 3 A4 pages and when OH realised how much there was to do he started being a bit more understanding when id say um yes we do need to go and do this. And then i give him one task each month, something that is related to him, his ring, his shoes, paying people. And i then do everything else, and just before i make a decision i show him and check hes happy, and generally that is working nicely.

dont know what to say about the people helping situation, can see why he has responded that way because he probably doesnt want to offend people but your right, if you find it cheaper and are happy with that then thats what you should do - a clear written budget should help him see why i guess.

kettlefish

Well we don't have an Xbox (thank goodness!) but my DH is obsessed with his footy manager. If I'm away for the evening he will sit up until 3 or 4am playing it, if he's not got to get up for work the next day :eek: When we were planning our wedding, I told him he had to sort out his suits and those for the ushers/best man/wedding party, and then just gave him the power of veto for everything else. Some things he was quite happy to express an opinion on, others he just let me get on with it! It was a bit annoying sometimes if he expressed a stonger opinion (like he's a very fussy eater) and then did nothing about sorting it out... but I like a challenge :rotfl: