Looking for some advice

kelloggs36

Welcome to the life of most mothers - this is how a large percentage of mothers feel and just have to get on with it!!! Not all mothers take full maternity leave because they can't afford to! It may be an entitlement but many can't take it and have to go back to work within weeks of the baby's birth. I fail to see how you are so special as you are a man??? It is expected of women to get on with it - she was left with the baby in the end though - did you try and get custody?

Whilst you were getting your life in order after a few months of difficult fatherhood, she was left to pay for it all and cope all on her own financially. I bet her time was more difficult than yours as she had to do it on her own.

sp1987

sigh973 wrote: »

Except they usually have 9-12 months maternity leave, after which the child is weaned or at least getting there, and doesn't need feeding every 3 hours.

Like it or not, this was tough for a 20 year old bloke to deal with.

I actually cannot believe I just read this thread. That poor, poor child.

Not only that but now you have a shiny new child who you love and care for, yet still can't see how appaulingly you treated the first one and are still treating the first one. You reckon the kid is probably alright now as the grandmother would have sorted it? Oh dear lord.

Nothing like stating the child has a mother who could not look after it (your words, it read to me like possible PND) then stating that you got out of it as quickly as possible none the less. Plus, with a career in ruins, surely the ideal time to have become a full time parent to your son. I have no idea if the woman was a lazy madam, or a psychopath, or a young girl who ended up pregnant whilst on the pill (I did!). Frankly, if you saw her as anything bar the best possible parent to your child you should have done something about it. Not moaned and whinged because she might get a flatscreen TV with the money you owe (again, if she is so irresponsible you are quite the cannon fodder for not making any efforts to secure a better home for your child).

Don't pull the ''20 year old'' card either. I wouldn't have treated an animal the way you have treated your own child and I'm only 22.

As for ''will my partners money be taken'' I'm sure the fact her partner is lying to her about already having a child whos welfare he barely considers would be more of a concern to her, especially seeing as though she had a child with you based on the stories you spun to her before.

There aren't words for people like you, there really aren't.

kelloggs36

sigh973 wrote: »

Except they usually have 9-12 months maternity leave, after which the child is weaned or at least getting there, and doesn't need feeding every 3 hours.

Like it or not, this was tough for a 20 year old bloke to deal with.

OH, I was 18 when I had my first child, was divorced by the time I was 20 so sorry if I have no sympathy.

kingfisherblue

When I read that your ex was a professional uterus, it appeared that she had had several children already, but further reading suggests that your son was her first child. Having kids is difficult and being at home all day is not the easy option. Believe me, I have three children and I much preferred it when I worked, as I had a break from the kids, had adults to talk to, and was able to use my brain for more than just cleaning up and deciding which nappies to buy.

I have also had post natal depression and it is so hard to admit to yourself that there is a problem, never mind admitting it to anybody else. After a day alone with a baby, your ex probably needed a break by the time you got home from work. It's a shame you didn't use that time to devvelop a relationship with your son.

I'm now a single mum, as my husband left me for somebody else. He sees the three children every Saturday, but rarely has them overnight, and even then only on his terms. I had to chase him through the CSA for four years before getting payments to help support our children.

As for sleepless nights - at least with most children they only last a relatively short time. One of our children is twelve. He has complex needs and still has to be fed three or four times a night. He also vomits frequently and has asthma, which is often worse at night. I worked part time when he was born (I took four months maternity leave because we couldn't afford for me to be off work any longer). I am up at least four times every night. I no longer work, as I am unable to due to my caring responsibilities. Today, while the two younger kids were at school, I went back to sleep to try to catch up a bit. My oldest daughter works shifts, but woke me with a coffee half an hour before I had to pick up the youngest from school.

Now you are living off your new partner's inheritance - some might call it sponging.

All you can do, though, is whinge about what your ex might spend her arrears on. Well, I have news for you - it's none of your business. After all, if you had paid, there would be no arrears. Who do you think has paid the gas and electricity to keep your first child warm for the last nine years? Who has fed and clothed him? Who has taken him to school, nursed him when he has been ill, answered awkward questions about where his daddy is? Who pays for school trips, non-uniform days, school workshops?

From your posts, you will probably be about thirty years old now. Maybe it is time to grow up.

kingfisherblue

Oh, and if your ex did decide to buy a flat screen TV, wouldn't your son benefit from it as well?

kelloggs36

I spent some of my arrears on a trip to Disney in the USA - DD wanted it so we all went. Do I feel guilty? NO because I sacrificed loads because of the lack of child support - I had to buy charity shop clothes for myself, never had new shoes, never had a social life, never went on holiday just so that my child could have what she needed. I did it, and it is too late to go back and give her what she needed then, so the money is mine to do exactly as I want to - I paid the full whack at the time.

kingfisherblue

Well said kelloggs. I fully agree.

Kimitatsu

I am going to close this thread because the OP has had his question already answered.

OP the advice you have been given is sound rather than conflicting, if you choose to go to the CAB you are more then welcome but in my experience this forum has a far greater wealth of dealing with the CSA then the majority of Bureaux and you will find better advice here.