Looking for some advice

kelloggs36

In answer to OP question - no they cannot touch your partner's inheritance. No, they cannot add her income to yours, it will be based purely on your income alone, so if you approached them now you would get a nil assessment so your child will have nothing. No, they can't backdate the change of circumstances, so you have in effect been overpaying as you didn't tell them of your change in circumstances - maybe making up for lost time. Have you paid off all the arrears?

sigh973

kelloggs36 wrote: »

In answer to OP question - no they cannot touch your partner's inheritance. No, they cannot add her income to yours, it will be based purely on your income alone, so if you approached them now you would get a nil assessment so your child will have nothing. No, they can't backdate the change of circumstances, so you have in effect been overpaying as you didn't tell them of your change in circumstances - maybe making up for lost time. Have you paid off all the arrears?

Nearly. I'm in 2 minds over whether to pay it all off or keep paying it off in monthly chunks. I'm inclined towards the latter as if the money is paid to my ex in this manner she's less likely to splurge it on a big screen tv or something similar.

I'm not concerned about overpaying, as I said I have no intention of paying nothing as although I'm not employed, I am capable of contributing so will continue to do so. It's not the first time I'd have overpaid, as another person said, if I hadn't buried my head in the sand I'd have had nil assessments before as my employment history hasn't been seamless. I've always squirrelled away what I could though so always continued to pay with savings.

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I think a trip to the CAB is in order though as there's enough contradiction here to make me feel less than confident.

missmontana

Its a tricky one.

Might be a good thing that you aren't married yet.

Will you let people know the outcome so anybody with the same problem can learn from your situation?

Loopy_Girl

sigh973 wrote: »

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I think a trip to the CAB is in order though as there's enough contradiction here to make me feel less than confident.

The advice that Kelloggs has given you is spot on. For your 'confidence', she used to work for the CSA and cases under CS1 (which yours is) are her speciality.

You have no income per se so you cannot be assessed to pay any CS. Whether you choose to is up to you.

As a side issue I would hope that if the situation is no good for your daughter then it should be no good for your son and if you have any concerns for his welfare then you should contact Social Services.

sigh973

Honest_broker07 wrote: »

you come across as a complete spoilt brat, why would splitting up leave your career in ruins ?

Well she's what you might refer to as a professional uterus. She always told me she was taking her pills, but her best friend later told me she never even took one. She had one thing on her mind when she got together with me, and she got it.

When our little boy was born though, it suddenly dawned on her that this is actually really hard work. She didn't like any aspect of looking after a baby, she wouldn't feed/change/cuddle him during the night, just let him scream until I got up and did it. She wouldn't do much with him during the day, just wait until I got in the door and thrust a screaming bundle of soiled nappy at me, yell at me for leaving her at home all day with the baby, then plonk herself down infront of the computer where she would stay until she eventually went to sleep. Basically I was working full time in a difficult and stressful job, then coming home to a full evening and night shift with the baby. I never had a break. So it wore me down and I was knackered and unable to handle my work. After losing 3 jobs in a row I was pretty much unemployable in the sector I had devoted my education to.

I completely understand the posts saying things like this, I am however, not going to pour my heart out on a forum about how decisions were made and why I stick by some of them and infinitely regret others. If I could rewind time I would certainly do things differently.

sigh973

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

The advice that Kelloggs has given you is spot on. For your 'confidence', she used to work for the CSA and cases under CS1 (which yours is) are her speciality.

You have no income per se so you cannot be assessed to pay any CS. Whether you choose to is up to you.

As a side issue I would hope that if the situation is no good for your daughter then it should be no good for your son and if you have any concerns for his welfare then you should contact Social Services.

I'm plucking up the courage to start talking to social services, but I have no intention of kicking a hornet's nest. I think enough time has passed for my ex to have turned into a responsible parent - her mother will have seen to that for sure. And although her family were hostile bordering on violent towards me, they were gentle and protective of their own.

sigh973

missmontana wrote: »

Will you let people know the outcome so anybody with the same problem can learn from your situation?

I will. You can guage how long it takes me to contact them by how long this takes!

Thanks again for all the responses.

Loopy_Girl

sigh973 wrote: »

Basically I was working full time in a difficult and stressful job, then coming home to a full evening and night shift with the baby. I never had a break.

Oh please...don't try and justify it that way. Most lone working parents lives are like that.

kelloggs36

Did it not cross your mind that she may have had post natal depression???????

What she spends the money on you have no idea and it really galls me that parents wish to make it as difficult for their ex's as possible just because they can. Your child will have had to go without because you failed to pay in the past yet you still won't pay the arrears because you are worried she will spend it on herself - well if she has been selfish, you are being so too.

If you feel that the child is neglected then do something about it, if not or you have no idea then pay up and do the right thing by your child - they are the ones suffering in the end.

sigh973

Except they usually have 9-12 months maternity leave, after which the child is weaned or at least getting there, and doesn't need feeding every 3 hours.

Like it or not, this was tough for a 20 year old bloke to deal with.