Couples 'up to £200 a MONTH worse off than single mothers'

LydiaJ

Brodiebobs wrote: »

i agree with lots of the points raised, but i can offer a flip side> Fortunately i'm not in the position to be a single parent, but we both are on comparatively low incomes. When my partner lost his job two weeks before i was due to have my youngest we went to sign on. because i was 'employed' (on smp £123 a week) we were only entitled to JSA, no other help and the person assessing us laughed and said if we split up i'd quote "get a fortune in payments". disgusting.

That's awful Brodiebobs.

lostinrates wrote: »

agree, agree, and agree again. I also think there could be unintended positive consequences. Stronger family networks, stronger society networks. I feel really torn about using Sue as an example, she is so patient to all of us...but the fact of the matter is, that Sue ''proved'' herself hard working, patient, trying so hard (with excellent results) to gain skills now for when her boys are more independant, trying to enable her boys to be usful members of society....so what did her ''community do''? they rallied. Now this is good for Sue, obviously, and for her boys, not just in the result but that her boys see that people who try get reward. For thus of us luckier we found ourselves able to both be confronted with someone else's reality and also take stock of our own blessings. Some people, also valued, felt sympathy but unable to contribute, some felt hard hearted: that's fine to..they got out of the enterprise what they put in and let us get on with it. Anther benefit for the whole community was a more open ear to the arguments some of just blot out as offensive...when ''offensive'' people proved they were not made of stone it makes it easier to listen...still to disagree a lot, bu to at least read their posts. I believe this ''community remedy'' was beneficial to far more than the obvious recipients.

edit: sincere apologies to Sue, I don't mean to keep harping on about it. My point is I think a lot of the system ''buffers'' us from reality, and not just at the ''bottom''

Yes, yes, yes. Agree with everything you've just said.

Brodiebobs

i know, but we survived how i dont know how as our mortgage alone is £550 a month. I went back to work when my little 'un was 5 months full time which i really struggled with missing him but after 8 months of been unemployed (no help from job centre... another story!) my partner found a new job and i'm now in the position to be able to work part time again.
It really dented my faith in the help available, we were looked at like scum, and the advisors tarred everyone with the same brush. I hope to never have to go through that again.

LydiaJ

Well done to both you and your partner, Brodiebobs. I'm so glad you've got through to a better situation now - and your sig indicates you're doing really well.

I just want to ask - are you aware of what lostinrates is talking about when she refers to the community rallying around Sue?

carolt

Brodiebobs wrote: »

i agree with lots of the points raised, but i can offer a flip side> Fortunately i'm not in the position to be a single parent, but we both are on comparatively low incomes. When my partner lost his job two weeks before i was due to have my youngest we went to sign on. because i was 'employed' (on smp £123 a week) we were only entitled to JSA, no other help and the person assessing us laughed and said if we split up i'd quote "get a fortune in payments". disgusting.

This couldn't make my point in the OP any more clearly.

It's disgusting that there is not more help for people in this situation - WITHOUT them having to split up (or pretend to split up) to get it.

YummyMummy20

Just to add to because it seems very apt at this point. When my hours went below 16p/w at work and I had to go on IS the jobcentre lady acted like it was perfectly fine and said they would send me a letter in 6mths for a work based interview (i think they're called) and if i wasn't ready to look for a new job by then just turn up and say so and it would be fine. She looked completely shocked when I questioned this and said I wanted to look for a new/extra job straight away. It's not only that the system is wrong but the staff actually encourage laziness!

SingleSue

No worries LIR.

Re the divorced/widowed single parents, unfortunately, if you do have to rely on benefits once you are single, you are put into the same box as those who act as baby making machines.

I've just about come to terms with the fact that working right now is not really possible and was really just a pipe dream, it was an awful realisation and I sat and cried when it hit but the cold hard facts is that with not just the two younger ones having appointments but also eldest (who is having more than the other two put together right now!), there is just not the regular daytime hours to hold down a job and of course, no childcare for evening work.

At least when hubby was here there was choice and flexibility, I would work in the evenings when he was home and could look after the children and could boost my money by doing day shifts as and when appointments, school meetings, half days (youngest only went full time school in year 6) and therapy allowed...I could go weeks with not being able to do the extra shifts but then could get a clear week and a half to do all the hours I could.

I think that is what comes with being part of a couple over being a single parent, choice and flexibility....we fitted our hours around each other and the children so both parents had quality time relaxing and seeing/relating with the boys.

One thing I will say is that when I asked the job centre for advice, the quality of it was quite poor, it was as if they could only work to the lowest denominator...the ones without qualifications or experience. All they could come up with for me was one of those basic maths or English courses, both of which I already have at O level. I then did my own research and found out about the ECDL and got myself onto that..only later finding out that if I had got the job centre to make the initial appointment at the centre, it would have been free!

I also didn't quite take to being spoken to as if I was educationally subnormal, I don't need big words broken down or simple terms explained as if I was a 2 year old..but that may just have been me being over sensitive to finding myself in a place I never expected to be in (I can be a horrendous snob at times )

lostinrates

SingleSue wrote: »

...
I also didn't quite take to being spoken to as if I was educationally subnormal, I don't need big words broken down or simple terms explained as if I was a 2 year old..but that may just have been me being over sensitive to finding myself in a place I never expected to be in (I can be a horrendous snob at times )

Maybe the person speaking to you needed little words. No one could mistake you for educationally sub-normal!

LydiaJ

Sue

I think you work quite hard enough as it is, bringing your boys up and doing your degree. However, if you really wanted to work, even just a little bit, for your own sanity and sense of identity, I wonder if there might be any kind of "work at home in your own time" work you could do, like proof-reading, or something?

It's not something I know anything about, but it just struck me when you said it was the regularity of daytime hours that was the sticking point. Perhaps somebody else on here knows more about that sort of thing and could advise?

carolt

I do - one of my jobs may be relevant - though thanks to the recession, I know they've been cutting back too.

Will PM you, Sue. And no, it's not a teaching job or anything to do with teaching and is 100% flexible, which is why I've been able to fit it in over the last few years. So - whilst it pays v little - you might enjoy the intellectual stimulus. And tiny bits of cash - if you're allowed to keep any of it?

carolt

Oh - just checked - no vacancies currently.

But will PM you if any appear - will keep an eye out.