Just a rant - no response needed

clearing_out_my_pockets

You know how sometimes it just feels better to write something down? This is my attempt at that, as nothing else seems to work

Three and a half years ago, my dad was involved in an accident and was on life support for about a month. He sustained brain damage in the accident and wasn't expected to recover (if he survived at all). During the period that dad was in ITU, I split up with my then partner and was trying to remain strong for my mum and sister. Stupidly, as dad is one of seven children, I expected at least ONE of my aunts or uncles to give me some support. Instead, they verbally attacked my mum over dad's hospital bed and accused me of being cold and heartless.

It has been three years since my dad's discharge from hospital and in that time, I have not seen or spoken to most of dad's siblings. Is it too much to ask for a hug? For a little compassion?

My heart is torn. On the one hand, I miss my family like mad (I actually live five doors away from one of my uncles). On the other hand, I can never forgive them for how they treated us and I don't really see why I should.

I guess what's getting me down is knowing that I haven't done anything wrong but being punished for... actually, I don't know how to finish that sentence.

Rant over and sent off into cyber space!!

pinkshoes

What does your dad think about it?

In what way did they verbally attack your mum? Why did they accuse you of being cold and heartless?

clearing_out_my_pockets

My dad feels torn as he was unconscious when the arguments happened.

My mum asked people not to visit if they had colds as dad was getting constant chest infections which made the respirator keep getting clogged. One uncle in particular took exception to this and asked my mum what her "f---ing problem" was. Same uncle tried to get my nan to still go on the holiday she was booked to go on a week after dad's accident on the basis that there was nothing she could do - if he died, he'd still be dead when she got back.

The cold and heartless thing, I can understand in a way... As my mum & sister were in a bad way I was passing on information to relatives and dad's employer's about his condition. The only way I could do this without breaking down was to learn how to discuss the medical side without involving emotions (if that even makes sense!). It was my coping mechanism.

Rockporkchop

I can see it from both sides. I can understand why your mum wouldn't want your dad to get chest infections, of course. But try to understand that if your dad was not expected to recover, your aunts and uncles were probably worried sick that they wouldn't get to see him before he died. In their panic they probably took your mum turning them away as a personal snub to them.

Regarding you being disappointed about them not giving you support at the time, perhaps they didn't think you needed any? As you said you were acting in a mechanical way, it probably seemed like you were coping just fine. Also, they probably felt in need of support themselves as your dad is their brother.

My advice would be to either pick up the phone and start talking or perhaps get your dad invite the whole family over for a get together. Everyone makes mistakes at stressful times and life really is too short to let this drag on any longer. It will be better for your dad's health too if he doesn't have to worry about this.