Self esteem

EllieB_2

This is something which is implicit in a lot of threads - and indeed in the ethos of this site - but I was just wondering - and I thought it would be helpful for a lot of us to share.. how debt has affected our self esteem and whether taking control of debt whether here or elsewhere has helped.
I know from personal experience how debt has affected me and I though it would maybe help if I shared my experience: about eight years ago I was doing ok but had the usual debt burden: a bank loan a couple of credit cards etc. I had an unplanned pregnancy and had to go onto income support. It was hell, not least because I could not repay my debts and I wouldn't answer the phone because I knew it would be people chasing me for money. The lowest point was when I sold my bed to pay for money to buy food. Dark times. The worst thing was my feeling of total inadequacy in being too poor to pay my debts Things are incredibly better now - I am working (as a debt advisor -having been there I have a passion to help others) and although I still have debts they are reducing every month. Thank god for sites like this where people are not so alone. I wondered whether other people feel as inadequate as I did and whether these sites help.

taplady

Hi Ellie!

This site certainly does help ! :T it makes you realise that you are not alone, there is always someone to talk to and offer advice. It has been invaluable to me! I just wish I had found it sooner!

Prudent

I think it is inspiring stories like yours that do help in the dark times.

debbycatz

I totally agree. I too, spent a long time on income support because I was a single parent and I wanted to be there for my son but I went without a lot as a result. I was fortunate to have a good family and didn't run up too much debt but even the bit that I had affected me.

The biggest help of this site is finding out that there are many, many others who are in debt but doing everything they can to get out of debt and are wonderful helpful people. :A

themaccas

When like me, you have not confided in anyone (apart from my OH, our debts are joint) to the extent of your debt then this site is a godsend. It has definately helped me keep focused and I have taken so much courage and inspiriation from other DFW who post on here too.
The mutual support on here is amazing.

LookingAhead

I think a fair chunk of my debt came from poor self esteem...and I think it's something a lot of people (women especially) can identify with:

Feeling rubbish about myself physically (the reason for that is a whole different story) so spending money on things (clothes, treatments, accessories) to cheer myself up in the vain hope that I would look & feel better about myself. That doesn't work for long so you feel rubbish about yourself again after not too long (errr....a day?) so you repeat the exercise and don't learn a thing.

My self esteem has improved quite a bit with time and what has helped as well, was having my Lightbulb Moment and then taking back control. It buoys me when I look at what I have acheived since the end of last year and especially since February this year when I joined this site. Brilliant.

Along the way I also picked up good advice (that I wish I had found earlier) about clothes, hair etc which mean I don't have to spend stupid amounts of money anymore and make spending 'mistakes'. This is going to help not only my confidence - but also my bank balance, hooray!

There are quite a few ways I think where low self esteem for whatever reason - and debt, are linked.

Tiff_2

Hi.
I think that along with debt comes shame, low self-esteem, guilt, fear & a bucket load of misery.
Once you take that first step with CAB or Debtline, the relief is huge!
Unlike the creditors, there's no judgement or heavy demands just lots of help & kind support along every step of the way.
We are fed these perfect life images through various media but it's all false. You don't know what goes on behind other people's front doors! If there weren't a hell of a lot of depressed people out there, psychiatrists would be unemployed!
Take heart angel because you're a survivor and at least you're trying to fix it.
Much Love to you all,
Tiff

MinnieSpender

Pushing through the debt and taking back control has been the biggest boost to my self esteem. I echo what LA says - all the lipgloss in the world won't help if you're out of control.

ms_london

Being in debt definately lowers your self esteem, but I feel I had lower self esteem when I was getting myself into debt - which is why I was spending silly money on trying to make myself look/feel better!! Being in debt made me realise what truly made me happy, and I learnt that I didnt need a lot of money to feel good about myself or be happy - and am a happier and less materialistic person as a result.

Sure, being in debt is tough, but although you may you feel as though you are missing out at the moment, it will be worth it, and when you are debt free I am sure you wont remember the time you couldnt afford to go to X, Y, Z.

Use this time to discover the fun things you can do on the cheap, and free sources of entertainment. Money isnt everything and you can be happy and feel good about yourself whilst being in debt.

xx

lynsayjane

i have to admit i dont think my debt and my self esteem were linked. for years through school i suffered low self esteem due to bullying about my weight. mum even had me to a dietician, but i put on weight when following her advise we now think it was the thyroid, but theres no way to know. anyways, when i moved up to aberdeen for uni i realised that noone up here knew me and i could be whoever i wanted to be, so i started having fun and not caring what people thought, and within a couple of months i got my first bf!

yes at times i still have niggling doubts, i still wonder if folk really are my friends etc but mostly i dont care, if people display traits i dont like i just walk away, life is too short for bad friends. and i have enough good friends to not miss them.

as for my debt and this site, yes it did help me. it will sound bad but i came on here thinking i had scary debt, then i saw the amounts some folk had and realised i'd caught myself in enough time to make a difference and not waste my life struggling.

amosworks

When you're feeling low always remember there IS someone worse off than you. I mean look at Anthea Turner, she !!!!!d out flakes at her wedding for some extra dosh. You really think she's a rich !!!!!?

Hate that woman.