The cutting out/cutting down alcohol thread (part 7)

brokepaolo

Evening.

thanks for all the tips on Bankruptcy. To be honest, the emotional side of things doesn't scare me all that much. I've had enough as it is with having to keep all of the stress I'm under as some massive secret from my friends. Only my sister and my father know the extent of my debts and when I told my dad, he spiralled into a terrible low point from which he has yet to resurface. I feel terrible for triggering his latest bout of depression and even though everyone tells me that it isn't my fault and that his depression comes and goes each year with a variety of causes, I still feel guilty for giving him something to worry about.

I had originally asked him to help me, he's just given my sister £80k to buy her own flat but he said no because I've asked him for financial help many times before. Admittedly those times were years and years ago, but I realise that it was right for him to say no and that I have to get out of this on my own. It upset me at the time and it's sometimes difficult when I go to my sister's new flat and see how her life has become amazing while mine keeps getting worse, but I'll feel all the better for it when I finally do something about my finances and do it all by myself.

I don't want to buy a flat right now, I don't earn enough money for a mortgage even if I could get one, not to mention all the other costs.

What I do want is a studio flat of my own where I can enjoy some space to myself. Sharing a house is counterproductive financially and emotionally. I feel down because of my financial troubles but I haven't told my housemates and I don't intend to. I like them, they're nice people but we have nothing in common and I rarely spend more than 15 or 20 minutes in their company, I just either stay in my room or go out.

this can't go on, I need a place of my own where I can return to after work and shut the door on the world and enjoy some peace and quiet. I've lived on my own before and I was much happier then, I didn't go out all the time, I was healthier, drank less, ate better and generally got on with life much better. I want to live like that again, I need to have tranquility at home if I am to undertake something as massive as declaring myself bankrupt.

Perhaps I shall move out before going BR, I've seen several places advertised which only cost about £150 more than my current place with bills included and that is an amount I would gladly pay if it meant having my own place.

But I need to see the CAB and find other official advice on the BR option beforehand.

For the last year I've felt like my life isn't my own and that my finances are controlling me completely. It doesn't have to be that way, and it won't be that way, whatever I decide to do. 12 months of feeling the way I have done is enough, it's driven me to drink, it's lost me some friends, ruined a relationship and I've had enough.

And to this end, I can gladly report that I've been AF today.

AND

my trial for the sous chef job went really well but they've got two more people to see and they'll let me know for sure on friday, although they gave me a positive hint by saying that the fact I wasn't a student who might struggle with turning up on time and that I lived locally were good points for me, as was the dish that I cooked.

shaggydoo

Hi All:wave:

on holidays at the mo


Declaring 21 for June Miss P.

Not going to be around much in July so good luck to ya all So sparkles, as they say on dragons den - I'm out - for July anyhoos.

Shaggy

MISS P a big for scoring.

shaggydoo

brokepaolo, I know it's none of my business, but how can your Dad justify giving your sister £80,000 and you nothing? Mate that sounds terrible to me?

brokepaolo

shaggydoo wrote: »

brokepaolo, I know it's none of my business, but how can your Dad justify giving your sister £80,000 and you nothing? Mate that sounds terrible to me?

I know, it is a bit and it was very difficult to come to terms with but I've accepted it because he helped me out of a few tight spots a lot more than he ever did my sister. The £80k is out of her future inheritance so it makes sense for her to have it now seeing as she's older and it helped her in no small way to buy a flat which is a big deal and not just getting her out of debt, but it took a while for me to stomach the fact that he would rather let me suffer with my debts when he was in a position to help me out.

But ultimately, I have no right to being bailed out, I got myself into this mess so I shall have to get myself out.

He's told me how terrible he feels for not helping me out but I just cover my ears. I don't want to know.

shaggydoo

brokepaolo that's tough - parents :mad:

Miss_Piggy_2

Morning all

Still grumpy here!:rotfl: Piglet woke up at 5.30 and came in our room, wide awake. Without a word OH got up, went into the spare room and shut the door! He's got the day off today to take me up the hospital so I gather he feels he should have a lay in!:rotfl:So me and Piglet are now downstairs, watching cbeebies....oh and the TV is turned up a bit louder than normal!:D

Oooh just realised its July today! Good luck with this month everyone!

Morning Shaggy! Hopw you are having nice hols!

Miss P
xx

Miss_Piggy_2

BP - it may seem your Dad is being tough on you but, as you say, your sisters money is out of her future inheritance. She's gained a lovely flat out of it. Perhaps your Dad would rather you have YOUR inheritance when it will gain you something solid, such as a flat. He may feel, quite rightly, that its down to you to sort your debts out first?

Don't want you to think I'm being judgmental, because I'm not. As everyone on here knows, my Mum and Dad have helped me out of a lot of tight spots (same as your Dad) but I would never dream of asking them to clear my debts for me. I figure its my greed and stupidity that got me those debts (no reflection on you - your situation may be different) and its up to me to clear them. I'm on a DMP and the repayments are manageable and, to be honest, even if I didn't have to make those repayments I still wouldn't be well off!!:rotfl:

Miss P
xx

69chick

Morning all, Happy July to everyone, hope its a good one for us all :j

Out of interest what is a DMP?...

I am off on a hen weekend tomorrow, will be drinking no doubt, but luckily the 'hen' is a non drinker and we are going to a spa hotel - (although it has a nightclub/bars attached) so don't think it will be too raucus (sp?) and I should be able to drink moderately, especially as I am sharing with my Sister and I will need to keep an eye on her!

BP it makes sense what your Dad has done when you explain it like that and imagine how great you will feel when you get it all sorted by yourself...will also hopefully make you less likely to fall into the debt trap again

DS is making his own breakfast as we speak, ready brek, the kitchen looks like he has made it for all of us rather than just him :eek:

Miss_Piggy_2

69chick wrote: »

Out of interest what is a DMP?...

Debt Management plan. Mines done through the CCCS - my repayments on my debts got out of control whilst I was on maternity leave. The CCCS take a payment each month and distribute it between your creditors. Saved my bacon!

Lucky you, off on a hen weekend - am sure you'll have a lovely time!!

Miss P
xx

SimIsOnTheUp

Marru wrote: »

Sim - You know that your SOA is not sustainable, I feel that it is important that after DRO you will have a budget that is realistic and managable or you will be in this situation again. Perhaps something you can talk with CAB about. I know you want to get back to paid employment but perhaps sticking with the voluntary work for couple of months at least to get some confidence and also references.

Spot on Marru, thanks.

Good Morning to you, and all!

Hope you're all feeling good.

Have slept like a baby.

Feels great getting back into a routine, and having a normal body clock again :j

I wish I was in a position, whereby I could pay it all off, but I'm not.

Really don't want to go for a DRO just yet, but it doesn't look like I have another option. Am still weighing it up, as I'd still like to get back into work, and pay it back gradually / offer F&F's when I'm able to.

In the meantime, today, I am going to apply to my Water company's Trust Fund, for help with the Water and Electric bills, as well as the Council Tax bill

As you say, I need to budget for the future, as I won't be getting into trouble again, that's for sure.

About to jump in shower, and then tidy up my flat.

Feels great to know that, by tomorrow, I'll have been sober for 21 days :T

Cheers,

Sim x