Debt between family member

annie-c

It is a good idea to get legal advice.

Assuming he wants to repay his debt, could he set up an agreement now to acknowledge the debt and agree a formal repayment plan, including interest arrangements? Maybe if a third party (eg a Solicitor) made this offer to his sister, then she would feel better assured and they might be able to mend the relationship in future.

For what it is worth I see your point exactly about feeling entitled to have a car your parents helped pay for. From her perspective, she probably sees you as having become her brother's next of kin (no matter who owns the house/mortgage agreement) and therefore a benefactor of the loan that she now regrets ever having made. Tough lessons all round from this one. I do hope you manage to settle things amicably. The problems seem to have arisen because at the time they made the loan agreement they didn't stop to think about what the future might bring (ie another woman on the scene). It might be a good idea to think now about what else the future might bring.... neices, nephews, frail/elderly parents, illness, celebrations). You need to factor considerations of those things into your decision making. If an argument over £13K now means a lifetime of sadness and tension whenever family issues come up then it might be too high a price to pay.

traceyjf

Thanks Annie-C I appreciate your advice.

It has totally split the family in 2 and if I could mend it all I would but things are not simple. Nobody wants to be out of pocket and maybe her going to a solicitor will push things in the right direction for us all but at the moment it just seems like the end of the world.

A standing order has been set up for the original amount agreed between them both. IF they can mutually agree on an alternative then that would be great.

It was a very silly move on both parts to think that doing this informally from the start was a good idea.

arbroath_lass

Have you spoken to OHs sister as he can't? I'd hope the solicitor's letter was just her way of trying to get him to at least agree some kind of repayment. From the looks of it she''d hoped you could spur him into action when you married.

Hopefully you can see it from her POV too. I'd guess that when she said, "Pay it back when you can" she didn't expect the full amount to be outstanding after five years. Especially when "the family" can afford a new(er) car. I must admit I'd be bloomin' annoyed at that.

lvader

traceyjf wrote: »

Because sometime Ivader life isnt as simple as that! If he couldve done the right thing in the beginning he would never have had to borrow the money from her in the first place!

5 years and nothing has been payed back, had he made a token effort and paid back £100 a month on top of the interest I bet it wouldn't have come to this.

[Deleted User]

I do agree with the above post. It seems like the SIL has had enough (and it must be quite a worry having an extra 13K owing hanging over her head for 5 years if she is struggling as u say).

I see u feel this has very little to do with u.., but if everyone firmly stands in their present positions.., your SIL is going to continue to suffer. I still believe that if u feel u are 'owed' by life a new car, and are prepared to go further into debt (your parents) to get it.., rather than you and your husband do something about your SIL who is struggling.., its rather revealing. Law and moral obligations don't always go together. However much u two say u wish u could pay this money off.., you are also firmly saying u will only pay a small amount to your SIL (and that's ok) rather than make lifestyle adjustments to enable u to actually reduce the debt. Perhaps u believe the Easter Bunny will drop it down your chimney one day? If its going to be paid back, as u say u want, compromises WILL have to be made. With present attitudes I don't believe this £13k will ever be paid off. Why should your SIL be stuck with it? It was originally your OH's problem and she tried to help out. You married him, so yes it does became part of your life too, just as if he suddenly came into 5k it would be part of your life.

annie-c

On a practical note, I wonder if your husband might want to work out a statement of affairs (there are links to a calculator on the debt free wanabee board) and have a good look at your incomings and outgoings to see whether he can raise some additional cash to start paying her off. Lots of people find that they can save quite a bit by switching utilities providers, cutting back on groceries etc. You say that 'noone wants to be out of pocket' but since the debt is your husband's (and not his sister's) then maybe he needs to show willing, cut back and make his financial position more open to his sister as a basis for negotiating.

If he really wants to sort this out then he probably needs to be the one that does the giving, regardless of his sister's behaviour. You say that they can't be in the room together - well you cannot change your sister in law's behaviour, but if there is anything that your husband is doing to upset her, then he is 100% in charge of his own reactions to the situation. Perhaps a letter with an apology and an offer to start to put things right would be a step in the right direction?

Your husband probably needs to start being proactive really, IMO. You've said that she 'insisted' on making the loan and that he wouln't have accepted it if he had known about the interest only mortgage. Well, yes, she was very naive to engage in the loan on those terms, but he is an adult, and he did accept it.

What sort of solutions do you have in mind?

nollag2006

traceyjf wrote: »

i work very hard for my money so why shouldnt i (car in my name only) buy a new car. Half the money was a gift from my parents...should i have given her this money instead of putting it towards a car?

.

Yes !!!!!!

catflea

Why?

Why should anyone give their money against something someone else owns? Especially when they have been given that money for a specific purpose?

Everyone seems to be getting very good at beind judgemental here and pointing the finger at the OP. Its not her debt and not her fault. Maybe Husband should have handled things a bit differently to start with, but you can't re-write the past.

Lets help the OP to facilitate her husband pay back what he owes and lets not start pointing fingers eh?

FATBALLZ

traceyjf wrote: »

I work very hard for my money so why shouldnt I (car in my name only) buy a new car. Half the money was a gift from my parents...Should I have given her this money instead of putting it towards a car?

If you paid for it entirely out of your own money then no. But your husband should have prioritised paying his sister before contributing anything to a new car. If he really needed the use of a car it should have been a far cheaper one.

[Deleted User]

I agree that there have been some posts that have pointed out different viewpoints. The problem is that the OP and her OH seem to feel that there is NO NEED to make adjustments to pay more than token gesture payments. Thats why some of us are trying to point out that this isn't the only perspective. There have been posts pointing out how this could be done in a reasonably painless way.., but have met resistance. Its not judgment, its trying to get thru that perspectives may be incorrect and unhelpful to them (believe it or not) or their family and especially the SIL. That is what the forum is for. We are trying to help them resolve the situation rather than pat them on the back and leave the situation as it is.