Debt between family member

gravitytolls

Good advice from Deannatrois there.

It was a large loan without any sort of written agreement, I'm sure he was very grateful at the time.

Is there an actual reason for her behaviour?

catflea

traceyjf wrote: »

Direct debit set up

So the SIL is a company registered with the DD scheme then? Think you mean a standing order

I'm not an expert in this by any means whatsover but my take on it would be as follows:

SIL agreed to lend DH £13000 and no firm arrangement was made for how this would take place
DH has been paying it back at approx £60 a month (based on £3500 over 60 months) so has been paying back & therefore acknowledging the debt.
No provision was made at the time of the loan for interest

Therefore the agreement was that DH would borrow £13000 and repay £13000. Therefore DH should pay the remaining £9500. How SIL got the money is not the concern of DH.

Of course SIL has been entirely unreasonable in simply arranging a solicitors letter demaning payment in 10 days - this would be likely to go against her in any form of court situation. If you are genuinely paying what is affordable each month then pay no more.

traceyjf

I appreciate all your comments and advice.

We do not have an extravagent lifestyle. Simply got to work to pay the bills and thats it.

The problem isnt that she is in money troubles herself. This has all flared up since we got married. As soon as we got married she started hassling ME for the cash which I simply do not have. she seems to think that I should be held responsible for the money she gave him.

Now I would do anything for my husband but I was not around when she lent him the money. We didnt meet until about 6 months after she gave him the cash. My name is not on the mortgage for the house that we live in but all bills (except morgage) are in joint names and these are all paid on time including her money that she gets EVERY month.

I work very hard for my money so why shouldnt I (car in my name only) buy a new car. Half the money was a gift from my parents...Should I have given her this money instead of putting it towards a car?

My husband isnt denying her the money...He simply doesnt have the full amount to give her it back in a lump sum.

The tricky thing is...There were no terms or agreements written up by either of them when she lent him the money.

catflea

traceyjf wrote: »

The tricky thing is...There were no terms or agreements written up by either of them when she lent him the money.

In which case there is nothing for the court to enforce.

nollag2006

You need to speak to a solicitor on this. Commercial arrangements between family members are notoriously difficult to enforce and the burden of proof for the arrangmenet will be squarely on her, so any court judgement is likely to go against her.

If you really want to get rid of this quickly, why not just take out a personal loan for the £13k, or even sell the car you have just bought, and give the funds to her?

You and your hubby seem to have absolved yourself from all responsibility for this mess. Why did you even get married, if you are not financially competent enough to manage a relatively small issue like this?

lvader

How about doing the right thing and making an effort to pay off the debt, so far your husband has payed off nothing, just the interest payments. No wonder his sister is !!!!ed.

traceyjf

nollag2006 wrote: »

You need to speak to a solicitor on this. Commercial arrangements between family members are notoriously difficult to enforce and the burden of proof for the arrangmenet will be squarely on her, so any court judgement is likely to go against her.

If you really want to get rid of this quickly, why not just take out a personal loan for the £13k, or even sell the car you have just bought, and give the funds to her?

You and your hubby seem to have absolved yourself from all responsibility for this mess. Why did you even get married, if you are not financially competent enough to manage a relatively small issue like this?

We have not 'absolved' ourselves from anything. If that was the case then he wouldnt be paying her back a penny.

He isnt denying he owes her the money he simply doesnt have the whole lot to give her back at once. If you had read previous posts you would have seen that and NO we are not in a position to get a personal loan for 13k.

So we shouldnt have got married because he owes his sister 13k? If nobody got married because they owe someone/company etc money then we would all be very lonely!

I am more than competent of managing finiancial issues...I wouldnt exactly call this a small one. Well not in our case anyway because we dont have 13k.

I also said in my last post that my parents gave me money for half of the car? So I should have given this to the SIL instead of getting the car?

traceyjf

lvader wrote: »

How about doing the right thing and making an effort to pay off the debt, so far your husband has payed off nothing, just the interest payments. No wonder his sister is !!!!ed.

Because sometime Ivader life isnt as simple as that! If he couldve done the right thing in the beginning he would never have had to borrow the money from her in the first place!

annie-c

Your husband really needs some expert advice on this one. Has he tried asking CAB?

THere seem to be two issues you need to consider: the legal position, ie what is he liable for (which CAB should help him with), and the relationship position: is it worth the broken relationships with his family for the sake of money (which only the two of you can decide).

If I have got it right, 5 years ago, his sister remortgaged her house (although she was paying interest only on the loan) in order to help him cut his losses with a past relationship. At that time she perhaps saw herself helping out a desperate single brother, expecting that he would pay her back when he could manage it. 6 months later he met you and, for whatever reason, he has not paid her back at greater than the rate of interest on the loan and now his financial position (from her perspetive) is a bit more clouded because he shares his income and outgoings with you. For whatever reason, the relationship has broken down between him and his family over the last year and she is now taking quite strong action to get her money back.

None of this is your fault - as you say, you were not part of the original arrangement. But it has become your problem so it is probably worth you sitting down with him and having a frank chat about all the apects of the problem.

It seems like the original arrangement was made very naively on both sides but of the relationship is to be repaired the two of them need to negotiate something and get an agreement in writing this time.

It seems unimaginable to me that your husband could possibly have expected a £13K loan at 0% interest over an indefinite period but it seems he did. Even if your sister was loaded that would be an extraordinary offer to make (from my perspective). As it is, it looks like she only managed to do this by borrowing the money on his behalf (and securing her home against the loan) and so it is not unimaginable to me that she had higher expectations of his behaviour and is feeling unhappy 5 years down the line, at a time when the financial world has gone nuts.

None of this is your fault, and I am not saying this to judge you or your family, I'm just writing it out as it seems to me.

I am wondering whether he is actively engaged in solving this problem with you. He has obviously got into money and relationship trouble before and now his behaviour is causing problems for you. It seems as though your best bet would be to work with him on solving the problem but pass the discussion with hs sister back over to him - it is his mess and he should take responsibility for it. That way the pressure on you should ease up a bit.

traceyjf

annie-c wrote: »

Your husband really needs some expert advice on this one. Has he tried asking CAB?

THere seem to be two issues you need to consider: the legal position, ie what is he liable for (which CAB should help him with), and the relationship position: is it worth the broken relationships with his family for the sake of money (which only the two of you can decide).

If I have got it right, 5 years ago, his sister remortgaged her house (although she was paying interest only on the loan) in order to help him cut his losses with a past relationship.

None of this is your fault - as you say, you were not part of the original arrangement. But it has become your problem so it is probably worth you sitting down with him and having a frank chat about all the apects of the problem

It seems unimaginable to me that your husband could possibly have expected a £13K loan at 0% interest over an indefinite period but it seems he did. Even if your sister was loaded that would be an extraordinary offer to make (from my perspective). As it is, it looks like she only managed to do this by borrowing the money on his behalf (and securing her home against the loan) and so it is not unimaginable to me that she had higher expectations of his behaviour and is feeling unhappy 5 years down the line, at a time when the financial world has gone nuts.

None of this is your fault, and I am not saying this to judge you or your family, I'm just writing it out as it seems to me.

We went to the CAB this morning and without a signed agreement or contract between there is little advice they could offer. We are seeking legal advice now as the relationship between them has broken down and for them to be in the same room as one another is impossible.

He never expected a 0% interest loan from her and he certainly didnt think he would still be owing her money 5 years down the line either. He would like nothing more than to give her back her money today.

Its a very sad state of affairs and one that I didnt expect to be caught up in but I am and we are both trying our hardest to do something about it.