Debt Advice needed - the lesser of two evils

Edwardo72

Hi Everyone, my name is Edward. Nice to meet you - I am 38 years old.

Only popped on here last night, some great advice, so I think now is the time I shared my situation and got some much needed feedback because as it stands, I an unsure of my next step.

In mid-October 2009, I had to sign on, my work had finished and there was nothing on the horizon. I had on-going debts, 2 Personal loans, and 3 store cards. I immediately stopped using the cards though I had just recently obtained a new credit card.

For the past 6 months, I have kept up the payments on my loans and minimum payments on my store cards. However, I have used the new credit card to live on, bought Xmas presents etc. I was lined up for a new job a few weeks ago, which I was hoping the income from that would put me on an even footing... but was told on the 6th of April that the job funding had fallen through and so it was off. I panicked, as I know that with benefits, having cleared all my minimum payments I am left with £5 a month. This has been the case for the last six months, but I have used my saved money to keep going. I am down to about £100 now as the only money I have at all, and I am terrified. It's really hard at the moment to obtain new work, I am very open and about to start going on connections program to look at how what skills I have can be applied in other areas.

Last weekend I started looking on-line for help advice about my debt and found the number of the CCCS, so I gave them a call. They were so helpful in many different ways - they worked out my total debt, which is 10,600 and broke down a fee that I could afford per month. They also left me feeling at ease - something I had not been feeling for a while. However, when I read through the pack, reading about the letters, defaults, court judgements... my stomach turned over. The added factor in this is that I live at home with my parents, and they don't know the trouble I am in. if they find out, well, my life wouldn't be worth living. In fact, no one knows of my financial hardship at all, I feel like a criminal, thinking abut the figures and I am very... I don't know if paranoid is the word, but I worry that the CCCS won't be able to negotiate reduced payments, leaving me in deeper trouble. I am ashamed of myself for not being able to make the payments.

Ok, my conundrum is this... I want to go along with the CCCS plan, but I am worried that with all the letters coming through, phone calls... my parents will suspect and if that happens... hell would be unleashed. it doesn't help that my pop is recovering from prostate cancer right now and I just don't want to add to the burden. So, I am thinking maybe it's best to keep on going the way I have been, paying the loans and the debts, struggling along, not falling into arrears until a time comes when I am in work. I could maybe mange another two months, if I cut out every bit of spending and spend the next two months hoping that a new job comes along.

All I want is to be in a position where my debts are getting dealt with and I am saving a bit of money for the future. But I worry where I will end up, I worry that I will got to Jail or baliffs will come to the house. There's a feeling of dread hanging over me... some nights I can't sleep then when I do, I am so exhausted I can barely get up.


I really appreciate any advice or suggestions anyone can offer - I do feel very alone in all this, so I had to reach out with this message. I have spent a couple of nights in tears, walking the streets not knowing what to do, but then I sat to myself, 'it's my own fault and there's no point crying over spilt milk'

Si_N_Tist.

Hi There Edwardo72, welcome to the DFW boards... I'm a newbie on here myself so I'm not confident enough to offer any advice yet, but didn't want to just read and run...don't wory, there are LOTS of really helpful folk on here... sure they'll be along in a bit!
Good luck with your situation, hope you get sorted soon.

Si.

Edwardo72

Hi Si,

Thanks for the respone... am looking forwsrd to hearing from people and getting as much advice as possible. Seems quiet at the moment though.

katsu

You will not end up in jail. Debt does not put you in prison in the UK unless you have committed some major fraud.

Read the debt free diaries and see how other people's debt management plans (the service CCCS is offering you) have been received and how they have settled down.

Only you can decide what the odds are of you finding a job in two months - debt management is really not the end of the road. It is a way of paying your debts - why should your parents make your life not worth living over the fact you are committing to clearing your debts?

Good luck.

Edwardo72

Hi Katsu, thanks for the respone.

My folks are very old school, old fashioned in their morals and ethics, no shades of grey, as such - you are right in your view, but they are both retired and are facing up to hard times and there attitude to money is 'don't spend what you have not got.' Well everything I have done in ther past few years is the opposite of that, and I feel as if I have let them down. I will never hear the end of it.

katsu

Edward,

Your parents may be sad, they may be cross, but they are still your parents. They may not like what has happened but they will still love you.

If they do find out then they need to understand you are committed to paying this debt off. Talk about how you are facing up to your responsibilities.

Surely if you live with them they have seen envelopes with credit card company logos on etc, so they know you have used credit. It should not be a total shock to them.

Have you got long to go on the loans?

Can you get any temp work - office admin, cleaning, anything that will give you more money than the job seekers allowance - whilst you keep looking for a full time job using your previous experience and skills? Might help you pay your debts a bit longer?

Edwardo72

Well at the moment, I have been paying everything... so there is nothing untoward arriving in the post or via phone.

I have about 7 years to go on both loans.

Yeah, I have been looking for work round the clock, it's so hard at the moment. I have a slight disability in that I have epilepsy, so that rules out certain things, but honestly, I have busted a gut looking. I didnt know how to take this, but even in the Job centre they have said how impressed they are with the effort I put in. I wasn't sure at first if they were taking the **** but I don't think they were.

Butti

Edwardo72 wrote: »

My folks are very old school, old fashioned in their morals and ethics, no shades of grey, as such - you are right in your view, but they are both retired and are facing up to hard times and there attitude to money is 'don't spend what you have not got.' Well everything I have done in ther past few years is the opposite of that, and I feel as if I have let them down. I will never hear the end of it.

Hi Edward,
I have a feeling that in your demeaner and your behaviour they will have sensed that all is not well, of course they may have just put that down to you being unemployed. One bit of advice I would give you on the jobs front is to try and get some relevent voluntary work in the meantime to at least fill the gap on your CV and make you stand out.

On your debts - well, yes, you've spent what you haven't got. Who else is on that boat with you - most of us, the bankers, most Western Governments, american sub-prime home owners,the great british shopper. This is the underlying cause of the recession so you are hardly alone.

It is up to you whether you tell your parents, I think they could give you a lot of emotional support and there will already be signs that you are hiding something, so it will be a damn shame if you don't, but only you can decide that. I would like you to move yourself into the present and stop beating yourself up about the past.

• Do the CCCS plan and work out where you are going from there so you have a clear picture of where your mistakes were and what you are doing to deal with them
• Prepare yourself for talking to your parents armed with the above. Start with the fact that you are quite stressed and you feel like you are living a lie. Tell them that you have got yourself into a difficult situation that in time you will get yourself out of. Stress that you are looking for their acceptance and support but not financial support.
• I feel a bit crap for saying this (and am assuming you're not) but if you approach it in that way, as a new boyfriend did with me, they will be making all sorts of assumptions in their own heads including the possibility that you are gay. They will be relieved it is just debt. Does this make me a bad person for suggesting it?

My dad is also old school, very old school, but apart from the odd quip my debts never get mentioned.

B

Edwardo72

Hi Butti,
Thanks for the support - it's crucial to me at this stage to get this level of feedback, so I can weigh up all the options. I feel as if I have sleepwalked into this scenario, of course, I haven't bu as you say, got to live in the present now.

The CCCS plan is very good, I am struggling a bit with all the paperwork, reading it, etc. Knowing how to make the first step - possibly because I am a bit nervous and pressured at the moment - hopefully in the next few days I can read the pack properly and then it's clear for me what action to take and start doing it.

cherry545

Hi Edward - sorry I cant give you any advice, but Id just like to let you know that you are not alone. Im 38 also living with folks and owe credit cards and unsecured loans to the tune of 24k. I live in constant panic of my parents fidning out how much I owe because they just couldnt cope with it. This week it came to a head because I missed some credit card payments and they have been phoning my home when im at work and harrassing my parents, so they now know im in trouble bu they dont know the extent. I visited an advice centre yesterday and was given advice on BR/IVA/DMP its all very daunting and scary.

Hope you get as much advice as possible.

try not to worry and remember you are not alone.

Edwardo72

Hi Cherry, thanks for the response. Your situation sounds even more perilous than mine. ;(

I have spoken with the CCCS and they have beem very helpful, as you say though - it's all very daunting taking the first steps. I am worried that for the time being at least, all the firefigthing will drain me and there'll be nothing left in the tank as a person.