CSA here we go

mrsspendalot

It is with great sadness that I have found myself applying for child maintenance today through the CSA .

I split from my ex husband 2 years ago and we have always managed to maintain a good relationship for the sake of the children. We had a good private arrangement worked out on CSA formula, but agreed on an extra £10 a week on top because he lived with his parents and had no living costs (coming to £70 a week for our 2 boys). He never missed a payment, and if there was ever an error with the standing order, he would bring the cash to the door instead. Everything was going fine .... until 7 weeks ago.

7 weeks ago my ex got himself the sack from his job, and with his job went the maintenance. He has signed on, but so far has had no money from JSA. He was being supported by his new girlfriend throughout this period. Relations soured because of my upset at being dropped in a mess with no maintenance. I had to cancel my daughters school trip because of lack of cash and it has pushed us to the absolute limits of affordability.

We haven't spoken for 3 weeks since he slammed the phone down on me, saying I wouldn't get a penny out of him until he got a job etc etc. and his girlfriend was very vocal in the background that I needed to "f* off before she became my f*ing problem".

I bit the bullet on Sunday and txt him to see if he was going to try and resolve things (this last weekend was his contact weekend with the kids and he didn't come for them or make contact with me about them). He informed me he now has a job. He is however refusing to give me any income details or agree to any maintenance. I said we needed to sort it out, as we have always managed to do, but he said he would rather go through the CSA so it was 'done right'.

I've therefore called his bluff and done an online application today.

I just despair - how can a man who has previously been so amicable and reasonable suddenly turn like this just because a new woman is on the scene??!!! He has also seemingly washed his hands of his 'daughter' who he brought up from being a baby - saying now that she is not his problem. She may not legally be entitled to maintenance from him, nor have I ever asked for any from him (although he did offer when we first split and I refused - I already receive maintenance for her from her father), but morally he shouldn't just dump her now like this. She calls him dad rather than her own father, with whom at 10 years old she is only just starting to build a relationship with because of his absence in her life over the years.

Very fed up tonight

minimoneysaver

Awww, big hugs to you. A very similar thing happened to me, except he didn't lose his job in my case... just decided to reduce maintenance. I hope that it all works out for you. x

mrsspendalot

Hope he sees sense and comes to sort things out for the sake of his kids! It's not pleasant at all.x

PlayingHardball

Sorry Mrs Spendalot- but you've done the right thing by applying to the CSA.

Yup, I can relate to the change once a new woman is on the scene! I can't understand or fathom my ex's behaviour to all of our children. He is only financially liable still for the youngest, but he has alienated himself from the older ones too.

I can't understand it at all, you would think that our ex's would have the same maternal/paternal feelings and that nothing would get in the way of the emotional and financial support that both parents should give. Or the desire to be involved in every little bit of their lives!

Best of luck, hopefully the CSA get it sorted very quickly and get an assessment in place.

DUTR

I'm confused is your ex husband the father of the child as you mention maintainance from the father later on in the post.

mrsspendalot

I have 3 children - 2 sons from my ex husband and 1 daughter from a relationship years ago. I get maintenance for my daughter from her natural father. I currently am without maintenance for my boys - which is what I have applied for today.

kingfisherblue

It's a horrible situation and one that I can relate to. I had been with my ex for 19 years and we have three children. He left me for somebody else. At first, he paid the amount that we had agreed, regular as clockwork. Then he moved in with his new partner and the money stopped. When I asked him for the money (politely - we still got along in those days ), he slammed a £4000 credit card bill on the table and said he couldn't pay me because he had to pay the card. I pointed out that he hadn't had that debt when he left me and that it wasn't the kids' fault. I then had a battle on my hands for four years to get the money via the CSA (changing jobs, temporary positions, unemployment, even being taken to court by the CSA).

Last summer, the CSA finally caught up with him and he is now paying regular maintenance and arrears, via a DEO.

I hope that your situation is sorted out quickly - good luck x

Honest_broker07

I dumped a GF who wanted me to stop paying for my kids so I could take her and her kids on holiday.

CSA_Help

Honest_broker07 wrote: »

I dumped a GF who wanted me to stop paying for my kids so I could take her and her kids on holiday.

Good on you

ballsonyournose

its go to to be pretty stressful getting the sack, perhaps you could have backed off a bit instead of pushing for maintenance when he didnt have a job.

Good on you for applying through the CSA, if hes got money coming in, some of it has to go to his kids.

SingleSue

I must admit, for all my ex husbands faults, once he did start paying maintenance (over a year after he left), he has only stopped the once...and that was when he lost his job for a very brief time.

As soon as he regained employment, he started making payments again despite also getting married very shortly after.

I just wish he could see his way clear to actually reconnecting with his boys again now.....