coping with the emotion- or the green eyed monster!!

jdvhsully

As a DFW I have taken advice from this page, and others experiences and have looked into our finances. Completed a SOA, meal plan etc

Compared to some our debt of £10,000 may be small- but to me it represents what I could do with my life if I didn't have these outgoings.

For me the problem is looking around and seeing everyone else have a life and me not.

Our best friends have said no holiday this year (they are off to Hawaii next year) so have suggested a cottage in the UK- £400-£500 per family plus food etc.

My brother, just brought a huge house in London- wreck and doing it up, complaining yesterday that with the change of government he could get taxed at 50% (therefore on £150,000 minimum, which makes his take home pay at 50% still over double what we earn before tax!!). It might affect his new car, two holiday's this year and private education for his step daughter!

I feel fed up, and wonder if we will ever be in the "haves" rather than the "have nots".

I know that this sounds selfish, and compared to others we are okay- but for me the emotional side of debt weighs heavier that the actual debt.

Am I alone in this???

My Uncle once said that being jealous only affects you, not the person who it is aimed at. How true, so how do I slay the green eyed monster???

BLT_2

You will never slay the green eyed monster if it is in you, however what you have to realise is the green eyed monster is what puts many people in to the debt trap, aspiring to a life which they cannot afford and attempting to replicate the lifestyles of those with far more income.

Take a look around, while you struggle with your debt and worry about not having a holiday, there are others sleeping in shop doorways, families where they cannot afford to feed both themselves and their children, I could go on.

If you have a roof over your head, food on your plate then you are in a fortunate minority in this world. Don't bemoan what you haven't got but rather celebrate what you do have. Sounds a bit preachy I know but having travelled the world and seen the poverty which exists I find our country somewhat sad. Whilst we cry about the fact that we have a 32 inch LCD whilst our neighbour has a 42 inch LCD there are children dying in Malaysia because their parents can't afford a piddling 4k for a heart operation for them

Anyway I wax lyrical. :-)

jdvhsully

Thanks for this- I know deep down that we are lucky, we have food, heating etc.

I just want to slay my dragon

Soubrette

I love the spendalots in our society

Business is out to make a profit so if every one tried to spend frugally then prices would go up (I think the Tesco value products have gone up because they're so popular). Another example would be energy prices - thanks to the guys that have their heating on 24/7, my prices are held down because I have a below average usage.

However, these businesses also want to attract the spendalots so they offer 'bargains' 'money off' etc to try and lure them in to spend some more, people like me can cash in on the bargains (or loss leaders) and then do my other shopping somewhere cheaper, thanks to websites like this one I know a bargain.

Likewise when the spendalots get rid of their cars/furniture etc when it's only a few years old because they are redecorating or want a different colour - all bargains for me

Sou

Primrose

I think you have to feel comfortable in your own skin and decide where your values lie. Is a Ferrari owner happier than the guy who drives a five year old family saloon? Do the couple who have luxury holidays abroad every year have a happier marriage than the couple who have a caravan holiday in the Lake District? Take away all the fancy things that money can buy and see how happy you are with the basic things in your life - your partner, your children, your health, the fact that you have a roof over your head and food on the table every day.
We have become such a materialistic society that many people lose sight of where their real blessings lie. It doesn't matter one iota what other people have. If you spend all your life envying what other people have got (and there will always be people richer than yourself), you could reach the end of your life only to find you had many non material riches which you never valued or appreciated.

Ames

I totally agree with Primrose. I used to have friends who'd spend £100 on a handbag and feel that I was left out. Now I live in a council flat, most of my furniture is second hand, none of it matches, but I don't care. I do what makes me happy, I've got the life that I want - not what I look around and think I should want. My sister thinks that if she doesn't have a house or a mortgage by the time she's 30 she'll be a failure, what rubbish!

I think a lot of people with loads of 'things' are compensating for other insecurities, trying to make themselves feel good by being 'better' than others.

I'd also be wondering if friends have loads of debt to afford these lifestyles.

I think if people are moaning about things like paying more tax, when they (presumably) know that you earn so much less then they're the ones with a problem, not you.

Lottebear

When faced with these situations, I think about the things that are important and these are my family, friends and health, while it nice to have nice things that it all it ever is.

helsee

why aim to kill your jealousy why not let it drive and inspire you?

that feeling of wanting to be a have rather than a have not may well help keep you on track and stick to the course of action you need to be debt free.

remember whats important- friendships, shelter, food, experiences and remember that the rest is just gravy!

tallyhoh

Do you mean that not worrying about debt would make you happier or more expensive material things would do so?

If its not being in debt then you can work your way out, if its having material things you will never, ever be happy because as soon as you have the same income as your brother you will be jealous of someone else with more money,,,it will never end.

catmiaow

I think everyone can be jealous of what someone else has to some extent, but you can't let it rule your life. You need to feel happy with what you got, I think I am lucky I have my own house specially when thinking of home less people. There is always someone worse of then yourself.

savingwannabe

I met up with my friends this week and during a long chat we discussed work, life and everything. They may be materially happy in lots of ways, lovely phones, cars, lots of holidays but they are deeply unhappy with their jobs as am I.

Now i am not trying to buy so many fashionable things as i realise working for them is what is making me so stressed. It is good to aspire but be happy that you have a family and health and keep using MSE. This will help you to achieve your dreams.

You will have the odd bad day but many, many rewarding days i am sure.

Best wishes,

:j